As Nathaniel reaches adolescence, he emerges into a world of secrecy and uncertain danger. His outings highlight The Lasting Impact of War, as he searches for physical security and emotional refuge. With Agnes, Nathaniel trespasses into private property, and the two remain invisible lest they are caught. Yet once inside, they undress and explore the space and themselves in darkness and nakedness. The imagery suggests both a sexual and emotional intimacy as the youths permit themselves to be vulnerable. For Nathaniel and Agnes, the vacant, unfurnished homes represent a protective space, shielded from the rest of society, ironically made possible by the violence and upheaval of the war. When they leave their secret shelter together, Nathaniel notes, “We hold hands as if we might lose each other as we go slowly through the darkness to the front door” (63). The imagery connotes a crossing of thresholds into the adult world. Each hopes to find in that world the key to a life of greater freedom and self-determination: Agnes hopes to find the metaphorical pearl that will allow her to escape her working-class origins, and Nathaniel hopes to feel safe and free from his childhood sorrows. Nathaniel describes his nights with Agnes as “a borderless terrain between adolescence and adulthood” (61), as she introduces him to sex, love, pleasure, and the possibility of a secure future. As a gift, Agnes draws a picture of them holding hands under a “dangerous heaven” (68), an assurance that she understands his need for safety.

With The Darter, Nathaniel develops a relationship that is simultaneously risky and safe, and ultimately fulfilling. The illegal trade on the mussel boat violates numerous laws, and like the vacant houses, Nathaniel’s journeys with The Darter must remain undetected in the night. Light and darkness operate as a motif throughout the novel, with darkness symbolizing freedom and protection as often as it symbolizes ignorance and fear. With The Darter, Nathaniel discovers a world of wonder and freedom in which he “came to love the thousand and one sounds of the river” (72) and meticulously memorizes the landmarks and “named and unnamed canals” (70) on their unlit routes. Their journeys back and forth from Waltham Abbey parallel Nathaniel’s future work at the archives, where he traces the obscure and hidden paths of his own past and future and explores The Subjective Nature of Memory.

Like Agnes, The Darter guides Nathaniel into adulthood. When The Darter talks about women, Nathaniel feels “as if [he] were an equal” (77) and compares himself to “a caterpillar changing color” (77). The Darter teaches Nathaniel how to steer the barge, drive the lorry on solo trips, and detect signs of danger and obstruction to find a clear path in the dark—all metaphors for navigating an independent life in a difficult world. Despite the perils, both known and unknown, Nathaniel admits, “The [Darter’s] illegal world felt more magical than dangerous to me” (95). He and Rachel conclude that The Darter “was incorrigible, that was his charm. That was the safety in him for us” (98). The Darter was irreverent, but reliably so, and their clandestine excursions provided a measure of routine and control lacking in Nathaniel’s home life.

From his experiences with Agnes and The Darter, Nathaniel learns to stay hidden and maneuver in the dark, echoing his mother’s work in British Intelligence. His trips down the unlit canals mirrors his mother’s skill of driving down the coast without lights. Nathaniel writes, “[E]ven in the darkness [we] knew our location by just the sound of the river or the pull of the tide” (70). Like Rose, he also lives a double life; he hides his parents’ absence from his peers, he hides his outings with Agnes from The Moth and Rachel, and he presents a false father to Agnes. At times, he and The Darter even refer to Olive Lawrence as Nathaniel’s mother. Though The Multifaceted Nature of Identity can be a source of frustration, preventing Nathaniel from ever really knowing his mother, it is also a source of freedom and safety. Nathaniel invents a family out of self-preservation. He confesses, “I almost began to see the three of us as a believable family unit” (106). The fiction provides him with a sense of security, allowing him to imagine a childhood where he was never abandoned.

When Nathaniel finally reunites with his mother in the novel’s climax, the moment provides neither clarity nor closure. Rose returns in the novel’s shortest chapter when Nathaniel is still recovering from being drugged. Later, he can only recall this fleeting encounter in a fuzzy haze mirroring the vagueness of his earlier memories, and the scene emphasizes the subjective nature of memory, as it is out of just such uncertain memories that Nathaniel constructs the story of his childhood and adolescence. The setting of the theatre reinforces the motif of double identities and facades. Throughout Part 1, no one and nothing is what it appears. The greyhounds have forged papers, the mussel boat does not transport mussels, and Agnes is not Nathaniel’s girlfriend’s real name. Secrecy and espionage become an analogy for the fragmented act of remembering, and the mysterious climax foreshadows Nathaniel’s murky investigation into his mother’s past in the archives. Part 1 ends with a physical act of obfuscation and darkness as Rachel and Nathaniel have cloaks thrown over their heads and are led to unknown destinations.