Ways to Live Forever

Sam McQueen is an 11-year-old boy who lives near Middlesbrough, England, and has leukaemia. He opens his story with a blunt list of facts about himself, the last of which states that by the time anyone reads his words, he will probably be dead. His book, he explains, is a collection of lists, stories, pictures, questions, and facts. It is also his own story.

Sam attends school three days a week at his dining table. His teacher, Mrs Willis, comes to the house to teach two pupils: Sam and Felix Stranger, a slightly older boy Sam met during a hospital stay. Felix is uninterested in conventional schoolwork, so Mrs Willis devises creative, hands-on lessons. When she suggests the boys write something about themselves, Felix mocks the idea by performing a melodramatic death scene at the table. Sam, however, begins writing eagerly. He explains his love of facts, his frustration with adults who give evasive answers about his prognosis, and his dream of becoming a scientist who investigates unexplained phenomena.

Sam introduces his family. His younger sister Ella, age eight, is curious and strong-willed, always asking questions. Their mother, Rachel, left her job when Sam relapsed and now manages his care full-time. Their father, Daniel, is a solicitor who refuses to discuss Sam's illness, walking out of the room whenever anyone raises the subject. Sam defends Daniel, noting he is shy around crowds but warm and funny in private. Granny, Rachel's mother, is blunt and practical, occasionally criticizing Daniel for leaving Rachel to handle everything alone.

Sam's leukaemia has recurred three times. Eighty-five percent of patients are cured permanently, but Sam is not among them. After his third relapse, Dr Bill, his paediatric oncologist, advised against further aggressive chemotherapy because Sam was too weak. Sam now takes a milder form of chemotherapy that manages symptoms without attempting a cure. Dr Bill says patients can live a year or more on these drugs; Sam has already had four months.

Mrs Willis prompts the boys to write wish lists. Sam's includes breaking a world record, watching horror films, going up a down-escalator, seeing a ghost, being a teenager, riding in an airship, and going up in a spaceship. Felix pushes Sam to attempt the items, and they set silly unofficial records, including "smallest occasional wardrobe nightclub" (25), created by putting a CD player in Sam's wardrobe. In a flashback, Sam tells the story of meeting Felix in hospital: Felix wheeled past Sam's room in a black beret, acting like a member of the French resistance, then recruited Sam to sneak out and find someone willing to buy cigarettes. The adventure cemented their friendship, and Felix's fearless energy drives Sam throughout the story.

Together they work through the list. They watch The Exorcist, debate why God allows children to become ill, and hold a Ouija board séance with Ella. Sam climbs a descending escalator at the shopping centre, arriving at the top scraped and breathless but triumphant. Felix orchestrates an afternoon of teenage experiences: Sam smokes his first cigarette, drinks cherry brandy at a pub run by Felix's uncle, and receives an awkward first kiss from Felix's young cousin Kayleigh. In the park afterward, Sam reflects that Felix makes him feel they can do anything.

When Sam tells Daniel he is writing a book about being ill, Daniel leaves the room. The next day, however, he brings Sam a Spiderman ring binder and supplies, asking only that Sam not write a weepy book full of poems and rainbows. Felix jokes that Sam should prepare tick-box surveys for his parents to complete after his death. Sam laughs but is unsettled by Felix's certainty that he does not want his own mother present when he dies.

Then everything shifts. Felix is hospitalized with an infection. Sam is barred from visiting because his compromised immune system makes the hospital dangerous for him. Frantic and helpless, Sam writes a fantasy story in which scientists discover a drug that cures leukaemia, ending: "And no one ever dies of leukaemia. Ever again" (104). Felix's mother, Gillian, eventually calls to suggest Sam come to the hospital. Left alone at Felix's bedside, Sam watches Felix suddenly open his eyes, look directly at him, and give a wide grin. Then Felix's eyes close and his body relaxes. Sam tells no one about this final moment.

The night Felix dies, Ella comes to Sam's room crying, pats him to make sure he is still there, and climbs into bed beside him. Something relaxes inside Sam, and he sleeps. In the days that follow, he demands to see Felix's body. Rachel resists, and Sam lashes out, telling her she must do what he says because he is dying and she will be sorry. Granny intervenes and drives Sam to the funeral home, where he touches Felix's cold skin and understands there has been no mistake. At the funeral, Felix's father gives a speech full of sentiments Sam finds inaccurate. Ella slides to the church floor, unable to bear it, and Sam joins her. Together they whisper what Felix was really like: good at tickling, full of ideas, and someone who "never thought anything was impossible" (139). Daniel does not attend.

Weeks pass in a gray fog. Then, on March 2nd, a heavy snowfall transforms the world. Rachel insists on taking the children sledging, arguing this may be their last chance. Daniel shouts that Sam is too ill, but Rachel defies him. That night, Daniel stays at Sam's bedside after a pain episode and reveals he dreamed about Sam going away. Sam sees tears on his father's cheeks for the first time and reaches for his hand. The next day, Daniel takes the day off, and they spend the morning playing games and sharing stories. Daniel then arranges for the family to ride in a Skyship 600, a type of airship being used to film an advertisement in the Lake District. Sam sits in the pilot seat, steers the airship, and leans out the window to watch hills and lakes drift below. He describes the experience as perfect from start to finish.

Shortly after, Annie, Sam's specialist nurse, tells Sam and Rachel that the chemotherapy is no longer effective. Sam decides to stop all treatment, saying it is his life and he does not want to spend it on things that do nothing. Annie estimates he has two weeks to two months. One night during a power cut, Sam sneaks outside and climbs the backyard apple tree. With every streetlight dark, the sky is filled with stars and a huge, bright Moon. He acknowledges it is not the same as seeing Earth from space, but it gives him the feeling he wanted. He has now done everything on his list.

Sam's world narrows. He insists on continuing lessons with Mrs Willis and finishing his book, resenting time lost to visitors. Mrs Willis brings clay, and Sam makes gifts for his family: a blackbird for Ella, an owl for Daniel, and a sparrow for Rachel. On a warm April day, he gathers everyone in the garden and distributes his presents, watching them and trying to hold them in his memory until he falls asleep.

Sam dreams he is in his parents' bed with his family around him. He floats above, watching them grow smaller. There are no bright lights or angels, just his family. He wakes to find Daniel beside him. Daniel says he loves him. Sam replies that he knows. He holds his father's fingers and drifts back to sleep.

A final page, modeled on the tick-box survey Felix once devised, records that Sam died on April 14th at about 5:30 a.m., at home, peacefully in his sleep, with his whole family present. Sam's last list asks for a fun funeral, gives permission for anyone to read his book, and leaves his bedroom to Ella. It closes: "You're allowed to be sad, but you aren't allowed to be too sad. If you're always sad when you think about me, then how can you remember me?" (205).