20 pages • 40 minutes read
When I Grow Up I Want to Be a List of Further Possibilities
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Symbols & Motifs
The Pink Socks
The “pink socks” symbolize gender stereotypes and anti-gay prejudice, exposing how even subtle discrimination is extremely harmful, particularly when it comes from family (Line 14). When Chen’s parents say, “their new coworker is like that,” they cite his “pink socks” as the indicator of his sexual orientation (Lines 13-14). They are adamant that their son “can’t // can’t be one of them,” because he doesn’t present himself in the same way (Lines 14-15).
Gender demarcation by the colors pink and blue is normalized within American culture. Baby boys are swaddled in blue after they are born while baby girls are swaddled in pink. By purposefully noting their coworker’s pink colored socks, Chen’s parents show their subtle disapproval of his gayness: the facet of his identity that defies social norms. Sexism, much like gender demarcation by color, is another pervasive facet of American culture, devaluing anything feminine in comparison to its masculine counterpart. Pink is a feminine color, and therefore, gay men become less masculine, less valuable, and in cases of hate crimes, less human by association. Chen exposes how deep anti-gay prejudice runs not only in the fabric of his country but within his family through the symbol of the “pink socks” (Line 14).
Nobody
Chen’s characterization of himself as “nobody” in the concluding stanzas of “When I Grow Up I Want to Be a List of Further Possibilities” is a multifaceted symbol (Line 21). In the first 20 lines of the poem, Chen describes himself as a helper, putting everyone else in his life before himself. It is not until Line 21 that Chen finally states: “To be, for me, nobody, / homebody, body in bed watching TV” (Lines 21-22). On the surface, it appears as if this admission is another form of self-erasure: Chen is “nobody” to himself so that he can instead use his energy to enrich the lives of those he holds dear (Line 21). However, Chen goes on to say that he wants
to go 2D
& be a painting, an amateur’s hilltop & stars,
simple decoration for the new apartment
with you (Lines 22-25).
Slowly, Chen reveals that there is comfort in being “nobody” (Line 21). His use of simple language and scaled-back metaphors exposes how performative the rest of the poem is: Chen is no longer trying to be the perfect friend, son, or nephew. Instead, he’s at ease, being nobody but himself for himself.
Human Connection
The motif of human connection is reinforced throughout the poem through Chen’s descriptions of closeness. He details different acts of vulnerability across the poem’s 15 stanzas, giving “relationship / advice” to his friends and mother, using his “spare time” to foster better relationships with his extended family, and sharing an apartment with “J,” wishing “to be close, J., / to everything that is close to you” (Lines 3-4, 7, 25-26). Chen contends that every relationship in his life is unique, each with its own varying levels of closeness, and that that individuality is the beauty of it all. Chen recognizes that friends fall out and families fight, but underneath it all, there is a desire for connection, to be known deeply, and that humanity is the biggest connection everyone shares.
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