When Life Gives You Lululemons

“She reassured Harry that his mom would always be his mom, and that it was okay to talk about her and remember her, and Karolina’s big, strong tween had collapsed into her arms like a kindergartener returning from his first day away from home.”

Primary character Karolina Hartwell’s relationship with her stepson Harry establishes her caring nature. Karolina isn’t Harry’s birth mother, but she loves him like he is. Her willingness to meet Harry where he is and to create space for his complex emotions illustrates her love for him, and his response and freedom to collapse like a “kindergartner” demonstrates the bond Harry feels with her. Further, the passage foreshadows Karolina’s fight to maintain custody of Harry after her divorce from Graham Hartwell.

“‘Why are you acting like this? You know I didn’t drive drunk. You know how private I am. You know I would never, ever do anything to put Harry—or anyone else’s children—at risk.’ Karolina sounded desperate, pleading, but she couldn’t help it. It was one thing for her husband not to pick her up from jail, but it was another for him to be so livid over a crime she obviously didn’t commit.”

The drunk driving incident incites narrative tension within Karolina’s storyline. Karolina is unjustly arrested for driving under the influence while driving Harry and his friends home. She is shocked when Graham doesn’t jump to her defense, causing enmity between the partners and destabilizing Karolina’s marriage. Graham’s disloyalty and betrayal will become the primary conflict within Karolina’s portion of the novel, forcing her to interrogate the authenticity of her husband’s love and of her life with him.

“Yeah, I know. Like, ‘Sweetie, Mommy has a JD/MBA from Harvard. She made partner at the most prestigious firm in the city at thirty-four. Up until a lousy six months ago, Mommy worked eighty hours a week helping multinational companies and was the breadwinner for this family.’”

Miriam Kagan’s reflections on her life in the present versus her life in the past reiterate the novel’s theme of how age changes ideals and outlook. Although Miriam moved to the suburbs to have more time with her kids at home, she sometimes feels sad that her children don’t know the woman she once was. In the past, she defined herself according to her academics and vocation. Without these things in the present, Miriam is trying to reconcile with who she is and how her outlook on life has changed.

“If only she had known how many weeks and months the house would sit empty and unloved save for a quick trip out to pay the caretakers and groundskeeper and make sure it was still standing. The last time they’d stayed there as a family was before Graham had won the Senate race four years earlier and they’d all relocated to Bethesda, and that was only for the night.”

Karolina’s relationship with her house at 35 Honeysuckle Lane in Greenwich, Connecticut, conveys her marital unrest and her unhappiness. The house was meant to offer her and her family an idyllic place to be together. However, they “relocated to Bethesda” shortly after buying the property. The house does not hold any real family memories, which isolates Karolina but ultimately offers her a fresh place to start her life anew, while her view of it as “unloved” serves to illustrate both her connection to the place and her view of herself, at the moment, as similarly unloved.

“Karolina could see Miriam’s face register shock before she tried for a more neutral expression. Was she surprised that Graham might be cheating on Karolina or just surprised that it might be with the young, beautiful, and polished daughter of former president Whitney? Karolina’s suspicions were based solely on a handful of texts she’d seen that were more suggestive than actually incriminating. That and the fact that he’d lost all interest in sex over the past six months.”

The third-person narrator inhabits Karolina’s consciousness to reveal her private thoughts. Although Karolina is sitting with her friend, she does not share the details of her rocky marriage with Miriam aloud. The narrator conveys what she is really thinking, offering insight into Karolina’s marital insecurity. As a woman in her mid-thirties, Karolina is self-conscious about her age, sexual desirability, and social relevance, and this early in their friendship, she isn’t willing to become vulnerable in front of Miriam—admitting the tenuousness of her marriage threatens to expose her insignificance.

“Before Miriam could respond, her co-room mom, Ashley, bounded over, an absolute vision of perkiness: perky blond bob, perky boobs, perky smile. Veneered teeth. Pretty in a girl-next-door way and just stylish enough not to be intimidating in a short dress with ankle booties and a cropped leather jacket. […] She seemed so happy.”

Miriam compares herself to Ashley, revealing her personal insecurities and establishing her status quo at the beginning of her character arc. Miriam is intelligent, accomplished, and empathetic, but she feels insignificant in comparison to Ashley: the “absolute vision of perkiness.” Miriam easily mistakes her “perky bob, boobs, and smile” as evidence of her ease and happiness because she has been culturally conditioned to associate physical beauty and youth with contentment. Miriam will soon learn that Ashley’s exterior is not an accurate representation of her real life.

“Karolina was sick of playing the good girl. What the hell had Trip done other than remind her that she had no rights? She was still in limbo and without any substantive information. How long was she expected to hide away in Greenwich, playing nicely, as instructed, in hopes of seeing Harry?”

The third-person narrator’s description of Karolina’s psyche reveals her depression and frustration. Karolina is a kind, often demure character, but this passage reveals her disgust with Trip and Graham’s mistreatment. The use of rhetorical questions affects an interrogative, intolerant tone that mirrors Karolina’s state of mind. She wants autonomy and respect but doesn’t know how to claim these things when she is under Graham’s thumb. This is one of the primary conflicts of her storyline.

“The sky had already begun to lighten by the time she fell back into deep, dreamless sleep. And when she woke again at nine, pillow soaked with tears and eyes bloodshot from crying, she felt like she’d been run over by a bus. But there was something else there, something that felt equal parts terrifying and healthy. Something that felt a lot like rage.”

The narrator uses descriptive and figurative language to convey Karolina’s tenuous emotional state. Her pillow is “soaked with tears” and her eyes are “bloodshot from crying,” details that illustrate her sadness and sorrow. She feels “like she’s been run over by a bus,” a metaphor that conveys hurt and defeat. In the paragraph’s final two lines, the narrative tone changes—revealing Karolina’s “terrifying and healthy” feelings of rage. This moment implies that although Karolina is grieving her marriage, she is also still willing to fight for her reputation, dignity, and her son.

“Emily knew this was where she should have at least mentioned Miles, but why ruin the fun? An innocent flirtation on a train she’d never again take with a guy she’d never again see. Why not enjoy it?”

Emily’s interaction with Alistair reiterates the theme of how age changes ideals and outlook. Emily is happily married to her charming, devoted husband, Miles. Even still, she is enamored with Alistair, or rather, the validation she gets from him that offsets her insecurities. The questioning tone of the passage conveys Emily’s attempt to convince herself her interest in Alistair is harmless fun. Her outlook on the situation captures her desire to remain socially relevant and sexually desirable, particularly because her culture has taught her to expect otherwise as a woman in her mid-thirties.

“Miriam was just so good. So even-keeled and rational. So smart and sensible. So considerate of those around her. And the doting husband and the three kids and the perfect house in the perfect suburb? With no visible signs of marital fracture or life dissatisfaction or even run-of-the-mill depression? If Emily didn’t love her so much, it would be really fucking annoying.”

Emily’s internal monologue reveals how much she and Miriam need to grow as friends. She respects and admires Miriam, but she still has misconceptions about her experiences, circumstances, and life, seeing Miriam as perfect because she believes her own life is imperfect. By comparing herself to Miriam, she blinds herself to the reality of what Miriam is experiencing. The passage foreshadows how the women’s connection will change as they become more intimate and vulnerable with each other, conveying the Transformative Power of Female Friendship.

“This wasn’t some gala. It was a Thursday night in the suburbs, and all the invited guests were women. Ashley had been vague about the theme of the get-together, but she’d insisted it would be lively and there would be plenty of wine and lots of nice women. Who was Miriam to say no when she barely knew anyone in town? It would be fun.”

Miriam’s internal monologue about Claire’s party contributes to the novel’s theme of Privilege and Hypocrisy in Suburban Elite Culture. Miriam wants to believe she is attending a low-stakes “get-together” with “plenty of wine and lots of nice women.” She wants to believe she’ll feel accepted in this sphere and that the party will offer her an opportunity to integrate into her new community. However, her tone with her final sentence, “It would be fun,” illustrates both her uncertainty and her attempt to convince herself.

“If it didn’t happen that night, something was officially wrong with them, and none of the possibilities was good. Either her husband was disgusted with her, in love with someone else, or had been lying to her…his entire adult life and just realized he actually preferred men. Miriam considered these scenarios…and by the time she reached Grand Central, she was more convinced than ever that their entire marriage was riding on this evening.”

Miriam’s concerns over her marriage capture how age changes ideals and outlook. The passage particularly captures how women in American society have been led to believe they are solely responsible for the health and sustainability of their marriages. Miriam blames herself for Paul’s uninterest in her and thus feels pressured to be the one to bridge the distance between them. Her harried anxious tone as she races through a list of possible reasons for that distance demonstrates how she has accepted full responsibility for it.

“‘I know, but I’ll say it again: the truth is irrelevant. Step one of our plan is to tweak your appearance. You’ve gotten too thin—even for me. I think you should gain some weight,’ Emily said. ‘Nothing crazy, just a few pounds. Make you look slightly less heroin-chic. Just so you’ll be, you know—more relatable.’”

Emily’s advice to Karolina for amending her public image reiterates how society promotes inauthenticity. Emily understands that if she wants society to regard Karolina as a lovable, sacrificial mother, she needs to “fatten” Karolina up and change her styling. The passage is meant to comment on the dangers of this culture and to add narrative levity but does risk reinforcing cultural stereotypes around youth and beauty.

“Emily forced a smile and remembered the old Miriam, the Miriam of Manhattan: slim, put together, professional, totally on top of her game. Where had that woman gone? Did it mean she was depressed? Emily made a mental note to inquire sensitively—or as sensitively as she could manage.”

Emily’s musings on how Miriam has changed capture how a woman’s sense of self might evolve over time. Emily is grieving the loss of the woman Miriam was because she has yet to accept that as women age, their desires and bodies change, too. Emily has been conditioned to equate professionalism, thinness, and success with beauty and power; what she is failing to acknowledge is that despite Miriam’s circumstantial changes, she is still beautiful and empowered. At the same time, the passage does demonstrate Emily’s desire to understand her friend better. She doesn’t fully understand what has happened to Miriam yet, but she is spending time reflecting on who Miriam is now, developing the theme of the transformative power of female friendship.

“As Miriam drove home, she felt a mounting chill of fear. Had they made a mistake by moving to Greenwich and exposing their kids to this lifestyle? Should she have left her job? Were she and Paul drifting? Could he possibly be having an affair?”

The questions Miriam asks herself about life in Greenwich affect an insistent, interrogative tone. Miriam has continually told herself that the decision to leave the city for the suburbs was a good one. After witnessing her children at a friend’s birthday party, she isn’t so sure. She is suddenly aware of the privilege and hypocrisy in suburban elite culture and is unsure if this is the lifestyle she wants her children to experience. However, her questions wrap back around to the question of whether Paul is having an affair, highlighting the true source of her preoccupation and worry.

“After nearly an hour of soothing and promising, he told Karolina, and when he did, she couldn’t breathe. It was the twenty-fifth birthday of a girl named Molly. Or would have been, had she lived to see it. More than twenty years earlier, when Graham was seventeen, he hit and killed four-year-old Molly Wells near his parents’ summer home in Amagansett.”

Graham’s secret past is a plot twist that alters the stakes of the narrative and foreshadows Graham’s downfall and Karolina’s comeback. When Karolina learns that Graham lied to her about his vasectomy, she gives Emily and Miriam “the dirt” on Graham. Her revelation creates an opening for her to reconcile with who Graham really is and to reclaim her life and reputation in turn.

“She watched her screen for a few minutes: no response. She tossed her phone next to her on the couch. Then, reconsidering, she grabbed it, pulled up her T-shirt, and took a picture of her bare breasts. She cropped her face out just in case he was in a meeting or something and sent it. Three dots. Thumbs-up emoji. Thumbs-up? A fucking emoji?”

Emily is frustrated with Miles’s disappointing response to her sext because she longs to feel beautiful and wanted. She fears that her and Miles’s relationship is fading with time and distance and resorts to her sexuality to reconnect. Miles has done little to validate this fear, but Emily’s society has taught her to beware of how her age will impact her relevance and beauty. Emily is still trying to interrogate this myth and live in the truth of her and Miles’s connection.

“Stephanie looked pretty and professional in a perfectly tailored cream Theory suit that highlighted her smooth tanned skin, a silk blouse, sky-high heels, and a blowout so bouncy and shiny it would have made Kate Middleton jealous.”

Miriam’s encounter with her former colleague in the city compels her to reflect on her former life in New York, Stephanie acting as a reflection of her past self and a foil for her present self. Miriam can’t help comparing Stephanie’s hair, skin, and attire to her own. The narrator’s meticulous description of Stephanie echoes Miriam’s preoccupation with every specific detail and her nostalgic tone.

“‘Because I’m not here for work. I missed my girl. I have a meeting on the twelfth that I can’t miss, so it’ll have to be a quick visit.’ He leaned over and kissed her, and Emily immediately felt her body respond.”

Emily and Miles’s unexpected reunion in Greenwich challenges Emily to recognize the goodness in her life. Throughout the novel, Emily has found herself questioning if she and Miles are right for each other and if their affection is fading. Miles’s expressions of desire and love in this scene both emotionally and physically awaken Emily to the authenticity of her and Miles’s connection.

“‘Wow,’ Miriam breathed. ‘No wonder everyone looks so much better than me.’ She’d always figured it was stunningly obvious when someone had plastic surgery: the Jennifer Grey nose, the Renée Zellweger lips, the Joan Rivers pulled-too-tight face, the Heidi Pratt boobs. But every last inch of Josie looked natural and in proportion.”

Miriam’s conversation with the other Greenwich moms underscores the novel’s theme of privilege and hypocrisy in suburban elite culture. Miriam has been comparing herself to the other women, wondering why she is unable to maintain a similarly perfect body and appearance, but the examples of obvious plastic surgery that she offers show her relative ignorance on the topic. In this scene, she discovers that they have all had extensive plastic surgery—a revelation that conveys their inauthenticity.

“She didn’t know what it was, exactly—the relief she felt when she realized they didn’t all hate her after all, or the embarrassment she felt at having to admit to something humiliating in front of all these people, or maybe the nerves—but the swiftness of her tears surprised her so much that she could barely speak.”

Karolina’s emotional outpouring at the Mothers Against Drunk Driving event marks a turning point in her character arc. Karolina has been overcome by depression and despair ever since the drunk driving incident. In this scene, she is granted the opportunity to express herself authentically, and she finds acceptance and belonging despite all she has gone through, developing the theme of the transformative power of female friendship from a different perspective.

“I wanted you to know that I’ve been hearing you. A lot has changed since we’ve left the city. Things are weird out here. Good, I know, but weird. You don’t want to go back to working eighty hours a week and commuting to and from a demanding firm in the city, but I can also tell that going to gym classes and PTA meetings all day long isn’t doing it for you.”

Paul uses colloquial, plain language to express his feelings to Miriam. He uses a heartfelt tone, which softens Miriam and helps her understand the authenticity of his words and guilelessness of his gesture. Miriam has doubted Paul’s love and fidelity of late and is relieved when Paul gives her the redecorated personal office space and engages her in deep conversation. This scene helps her remember the strength of her marriage and to feel more grounded in herself, highlighting her acceptance of her new identity.

“Karolina stretched out on her brand-new club chair, an oversize and overstuffed monstrosity from Restoration Hardware that gave her an almost inordinate amount of happiness. Everything from its plush velvet fabric to its ability to recline made her smile. It was three times the size of what she needed, but no matter: it was perfect.”

The image of Karolina luxuriating in her new chair is a metaphor for her newfound independence and happiness. Now divorced from Graham and living in the Greenwich house alone with Harry, Karolina feels free for the first time in years. The use of language like “outsize,” “monstrosity,” and “inordinate” implies that Karolina’s joy is so great it feels hyperbolic.