When She Returned

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of child abuse, self-harm, addiction, graphic violence, death, physical abuse, and emotional abuse.

“I kissed the top of her forehead, reminding myself that she was my reason. I would do anything for her. ‘Just hold on, baby girl; hold on,’ I whispered. The forest wasn’t quiet, and every sound made me jump. I was sure any minute one of them would reach out and grab me. Or worse, snatch Shiloh. They’d take her to him. What if they left me here?”

The Prologue shows Kate at her most resistant to the cult’s indoctrination, as shown in this passage where Kate actively chooses Shiloh over Abner, fearing what Abner might do. The Prologue provides a counterpoint to Kate’s later participation in a plan to kidnap Abbi, establishing early on that her departure from the cult was authentic. However, Kate also fears being left behind, showing that she still depends on Love International for her identity, and immediately establishing the theme of Manipulation, Deception, and Abuse Within Cult Dynamics.

“I hadn’t thought about Mom in a long time. Months. Maybe even close to a year. Guilt washed over me. In second grade, I had thought Mom’s kidnappers would murder her if I didn’t think about her every hour—like wherever they had her in the world, her survival depended on my thoughts. I had been obsessed with making sure I did it and had set my alarm at night to wake me up. I had developed a weird form of OCD, and it had gotten me sent back to the psychologist I’d only recently stopped seeing.”

Abbi’s relationship with her absent mother is complex, and this passage highlights how she has grown and changed over 11 years. At first, she was obsessed with her mother, but over time, that obsession faded. Abbi’s need to keep Kate on her mind while she is gone foreshadows Abbi’s decision to remain loyal to Kate until the final moment.

“Her hair wasn’t blonde anymore, but a mousy gray with patches missing on top and long tattered strands falling down the middle of her back. Her radiant blue eyes, which had shone so brightly from her pictures, were sunken and shallow; her cheekbones were skeletal, like maybe there was cancer eating away at her insides. Angry scars marked the right side of her face. That wasn’t Mom. It couldn’t be. We were in the wrong room.”

The imagery that Abbi uses to describe her first meeting with Kate emphasizes the devastating effects Love International has had on Kate. Her features are muted or ruined, and Abbi compares the cult experience to cancer, a disease without a cure. Abbi’s description foreshadows Kate ultimately succumbing to her indoctrination.