“I hadn’t thought about Mom in a long time. Months. Maybe even close to a year. Guilt washed over me. In second grade, I had thought Mom’s kidnappers would murder her if I didn’t think about her every hour—like wherever they had her in the world, her survival depended on my thoughts. I had been obsessed with making sure I did it and had set my alarm at night to wake me up. I had developed a weird form of OCD, and it had gotten me sent back to the psychologist I’d only recently stopped seeing.”

Abbi’s relationship with her absent mother is complex, and this passage highlights how she has grown and changed over 11 years. At first, she was obsessed with her mother, but over time, that obsession faded. Abbi’s need to keep Kate on her mind while she is gone foreshadows Abbi’s decision to remain loyal to Kate until the final moment.

“Her hair wasn’t blonde anymore, but a mousy gray with patches missing on top and long tattered strands falling down the middle of her back. Her radiant blue eyes, which had shone so brightly from her pictures, were sunken and shallow; her cheekbones were skeletal, like maybe there was cancer eating away at her insides. Angry scars marked the right side of her face. That wasn’t Mom. It couldn’t be. We were in the wrong room.”

The imagery that Abbi uses to describe her first meeting with Kate emphasizes the devastating effects Love International has had on Kate. Her features are muted or ruined, and Abbi compares the cult experience to cancer, a disease without a cure. Abbi’s description foreshadows Kate ultimately succumbing to her indoctrination.

“Absolutely. There are other pieces of evidence too. For example, she hasn’t received any kind of medical or dental care for at least five years. One of her back teeth was yanked out with an instrument, most likely pliers, from an infection that looks like it worked its way into her gums. She never received any care before or after delivery, so her body is pretty beat up from her pregnancy. The umbilical cord was cut with scissors or a knife. Things like that.”

Beyond Kate’s appearance, Marcus’s description of Kate’s wounds and medical history highlights how poorly treated she was in the cult. Without doctors, and with a leader consumed by delusions and paranoia, there was no way for Kate to get any care. The visceral terminology of “yanked,” “scissors,” and “knife” further frame the cult as violent and uncaring.

“I spent the next hour listening to him describe how he’d grown up extremely poor on a small farm in rural New Jersey. He started working when he was nine and never stopped, going on to become a successful stockbroker as an adult. He described how he was living the American dream until one day on his commute home he started questioning his happiness. It led him to go in search of greater meaning. It seemed a bit cliché to me, and my thoughts drifted as he continued explaining how he gave his money away to various charities.”

This passage offers a rare glimpse into Kate’s mindset before becoming indoctrinated, showing her doubts and apathy regarding Ray and his story. However, this passage also illustrates how anyone, even the most skeptical, can be persuaded by the right manipulative tactics. Later, it is revealed that Ray’s story is false, which further emphasizes his deceptions.

“I hadn’t wanted to erase Kate from the house, but there was no way I could go to bed every night with the framed photo of the two of them exchanging rings on their wedding day staring back at me, or the one above the dresser with Kate’s naked body swollen in pregnancy and Scott behind her with his arms circled underneath her. Those were the first to go, followed by the rest of their professional wedding photos scattered around the house. I’d cleaned out her closet next because I needed a place for my clothes.”

Meredith is in a difficult position, and her actions betray her true feelings. Naturally, Meredith wants to be Scott’s wife, not his “second-place” wife, so she needs to remove Kate’s belongings. Though she says she does not want to “erase” Kate from the house, the final line of this passage shows the need to erase Kate; Meredith needs space for her own belongings, memories, and existence. The fact that this all happens without discussion or cooperation from Scott highlights The Importance of Communication and Compromise in Families.

“‘He saved my life.’ I swallowed the tears in my throat before remembering that he’d instructed me not to hold back my emotions. I let go, and suddenly I was crying in a way I hadn’t done since I was a kid. Ray didn’t move from his spot. He didn’t reach out to comfort me or say anything to make it better. The awkwardness of it all slowed my emotional outburst. ‘I don’t know who I am without him. I’ve always wondered who I might be on my own. But I feel like the world’s most terrible person for even having the thoughts.’”

Kate’s breakthrough regarding her marriage is grounded in her memories of dating Scott as a teenager, his support after her parents died, and the life they have built together. Her guilt is the result of the feeling of obligation that comes with these memories, establishing the theme of The Struggle for Identity Among Conflicting Loyalties. Ray’s efforts are no different from those of a therapist, remaining passive while Kate pours out her emotions. Kate could have had this breakthrough in a truly safe environment, but Ray is exploiting Kate’s struggles to manipulate her.

“When you’d tasted the good life, how things were really meant to be and how you were designed to feel, it was impossible to go backward and pretend you didn’t know how wonderful life could be. I was awake in a way I’d never been before. I’d been sleeping for so long, and the more awake I became, the more unsure I was about what I saw around me. I envied the disciples for being able to lead a life solely focused on serving God. It was the only way to come close to doing what Ray had talked about last night.”

The critical details in this passage are Kate’s feeling that life with Love International is “how things were really meant to be” combined with the final line regarding “doing what Ray had talked about.” Though Kate feels a genuine, spiritual awakening happening, it is ultimately driven and designed by Ray, who has guided Kate through the stages of “awakening.” This moment marks the point when Kate is fully indoctrinated and willing to do whatever Ray says.

“This is it. Ray talked about this. I slowly lifted my head and grabbed the towel to dry my face. He’d felt this too. It was what had pushed him to go in search of a higher meaning. He’d shared the story with me during our first meeting. I smiled at how long ago it seemed already. I was a different person.”

Much like Kate’s awakening, the moment in which she decides to leave Scott and Abbi is shrouded in a spiritual feeling. Though Kate does not physically leave until the next day, she realizes the futility of her daily routine. In reality, she is only recognizing her own unhappiness, but Ray has arranged for this realization to come when Kate sees Love International as her only avenue out of her current life.

“‘Brian and Camille think that you left to join Love International willingly. I told them there was no way that was true, that there had to be some other explanation, and I know you don’t want to talk about things, sweetie. I get that.’ He got off the couch and knelt on the floor in front of her. Their engagement photos flashed through my memory unbidden. I shoved them away as he stared at her with desperation written all over his face.”

Scott deludes himself throughout the novel, an impulse rooted in his desire to hold onto the idealized version of his marriage to Kate. He does not ask Kate if she left, instead insisting that she could not have left willingly and ending the conversation prematurely, implying that he is afraid she might disagree with him. Seeing Scott and Kate together is overwhelming for Meredith, but what most disturbs her is Scott’s willingness to ignore the evidence in front of him.

“‘We don’t sleep on beds,’ she said matter-of-factly. 

‘How come?’ I couldn’t imagine sleeping on a wooden floor. I hated sleeping on the floor even with our thick camping sleeping bags. 

‘We must put the flesh to death,’ she said in a creepy robot voice. I’d never heard her talk like that before. I didn’t want to ask any more questions about the bed.”

Much like Scott, Abbi’s curiosity is not as strong as her desire to overlook Kate’s problems and pretend that she has retrieved her ideal mother. Abbi sympathizes with Kate’s struggle for a moment, but she quickly decides to stop asking questions when Kate speaks in “a creepy robot voice.” Abbi wants to pretend that Kate is totally fine but pushing too hard into Kate’s experiences shows the depths of Kate’s indoctrination, which threatens Abbi’s hope of her idealized family life.

“I’d never told Dad about it because it was the only place where I had a memory of Mom that was all mine. All his memories were of the two of us or him watching her while she interacted with me. The one thing he couldn’t give me was what it was like when it was just the two of us. It was only a piece, a sliver, really—just a flash of me on the swing with the sky above me and the feel of her hand on my back for a brief second—but it was something, and it was where I came to feel close to her.”

Abbi is torn between her own experience with Kate and her life with Scott, in which she feels the need to protect this singular memory of Kate from her father’s influence. Though she loves her dad, this moment indicates that Abbi knows how Scott has revised his memories of Kate to idealize their marriage. Abbi, though, does the same thing, holding on to this memory as a way to envision a perfect mother.

 “‘He said that you are the definition of an unfit mother by abandoning her the way you did, and he doesn’t want you anywhere near her,’ Ray said. 

‘But I didn’t abandon her,’ I cried. ‘Did you tell him that?’ 

‘I tried everything I could think of to make him understand, but he refuses to see things differently.’ He shook his head. ‘Unfortunately the courts will probably agree with him. The world has a hard time understanding our methods and training practices.’”

Ray’s deception has two important elements: He is lying to keep Kate with Love International, and he is capitalizing on the guilt he knows Kate feels over leaving her family. By lying specifically about Scott calling Kate an unfit mother, Ray taps into Kate’s own fears of failure and guilt, making it seem like her feelings are both justified and external to Love International. As a result, Kate’s only option is to become further entrenched in the cult.

“I arose from my baptism in the dark waters and heard his voice as clearly as I did the day I received the vision for Love International. The Lord said, ‘From this moment forward, you shall be called Abner. You are the Father of Light.’ He placed his hands in front of his chest and bowed before us. ‘I will guide us into the kingdom.’”

Ray’s transition to “Abner” marks the shift from Ray as a leader to Abner as a tyrant. He is no longer just a conduit for God’s desires, he has become God, or “the Father of Light,” illustrated by his ritualistic gestures. Under the name Abner, Ray increasingly conflates his own desires with those of God, tightening his control over the group and allowing greater abuses.

“Abner’s predictions about what would happen after we’d been reborn came true. We’d told the universe we were ready to change, and it had responded just like he’d said it would. Our plants and fields had started growing, row after row of green beans and corn springing up around us. Even our chicken had responded by laying more eggs. There’d been a shift in everything we touched. There had been no denying that, and we’d all felt it.”

Kate’s perspective is often unreliable, and this passage opens the possibility that Ray/Abner has some sort of divine power. In her mind, if Ray’s transition truly caused crops to grow and chickens to lay eggs, then he must truly have a connection to God. However, the narrative implies, by the overwhelming success of this shift, that the cult members have idealized and blown the changes out of proportion to reality.

“Scott’s inability to see how hard some of this was hurt. Obviously, what I was going through paled in comparison to what they were going through, but this wasn’t easy. None of it had been. It didn’t help that he’d barely touched me since she’d been back. Last night I’d made an effort to connect with him before we fell asleep, and he’d pushed my hand off him, mumbling something about being exhausted. It wasn’t just that he didn’t want to make love. He hadn’t hooked my pinky with his like we did every night as we fell asleep, and that hurt more than his rejection.”

Meredith’s struggle to remain in her marriage to Scott begins immediately, but it is only after time has passed and Scott has remained distant that Meredith starts to feel like she is no longer welcome in his life. The specific mention of the pinky finger ritual highlights how Meredith and Scott had a true, close marriage up until Kate’s return, with its own intimacies. While there is no evidence that Scott is cheating on Meredith with Kate, his reluctance to touch Meredith shows that he is pulling away from her.

“I understood why, obviously, but I was happy she was home—no matter what the circumstances were—and wanted someone else to at least pretend to be excited about it too. Elziehunter, mindjam21, and crystalclear had been following her case since the beginning. You could feel how much they loved her in the things they said about her and how much time they spent on her case. They deserved to know how she was doing. I logged on. When I’d first discovered the forums, I’d spent hours weeding through them. There’d been something comforting about it.”

Abbi turns to the internet for the inclusion and connection that she cannot find in her own home. The use of specific usernames highlights both the distance between Abbi and her “friends” and the intimacy Abbi perceives between them. Knowing that other people care about Kate, Scott, and Abbi makes Abbi feel comforted because it allows her an inside look at what other people think, something that she is denied by Scott, Meredith, and Dean.

“God struck down those he loved all the time for disobedience. He wept each time in the same way I weep over Sam’s death, but remember that Sam is rejoicing with the Lord in eternity. And if he should decide to journey to earth once again, he will have another chance to learn what he didn’t learn this time around and expand his consciousness.”

This passage is the most explicit instance of Abner claiming to be God. He says that “God struck down” Sam when in reality, Abner shot Sam for disobeying a cruel order. As a consolation, Abner claims that Sam is in heaven and suggests that he needs to be reborn to learn his lesson, which would simply be to listen to Abner without question. Abner’s pronouncement and the elevated language it is couched in illustrate how he is fully immersed in his cult leader role.

“‘So you’re creeping around the house spying on her?’ The world tilted and shifted like I’d just slammed into a wall. 

‘I’m spying on her?’ 

‘I mean, getting up in the middle of the night and trying to bust her sounds a bit like spying to me. Did you forget we’re trying to earn her trust, not break it?’ He worked his jaw before continuing. ‘How is she ever going to open up if she doesn’t trust us? And not just open up—get better. That’s what we’re trying to help her do. Remember?’”

Scott’s reaction to Meredith’s discovery is telling, as it shows how Scott intends to continue ignoring any suspicious things Kate does. Meredith cannot “win” in this situation, since the more evidence Meredith presents, the more Scott will accuse her of “breaking” Kate’s trust. Because Scott wants everyone to cater to Kate’s every whim, Meredith’s suspicion, though justified, is rebranded as paranoia and cruelty.

“Abner grew more unraveled every day, and there was no telling what he’d do if he found out she’d told me their secrets. I’d be rewarded for calling out a dissenter—that was what he labeled anyone who kept a secret or went against what he said—but there’d be a reckoning for Margo. I couldn’t do that to her, even if she had hurt me.”

This passage lends some insight into life within the cult, which is not fully explored in the novel. Kate says she could report Margo’s secret to Abner, which would lead to a reward for Kate and punishment for Margo. This outcome indicates that Abner’s main concern is loyalty, rather than substance, since he does not care if Kate knows something she should not, he only cares that she reports to him.

“None of her questions seemed helpful, just nosy. Meredith grew more paranoid every day. I’d be acting the same way if I were her, though. I mean, Dad’s old wife was back. Everyone knew what that meant. Dad would still be married to Mom if she hadn’t disappeared. He’d still be pining over her if the rest of us, including myself, hadn’t pushed him to move on. I was surprised Meredith was keeping it together at all. I’d be a mess.”

Like Scott, Abbi wants to believe that Kate is entirely innocent, making Meredith’s suspicions seem like paranoia. However, Abbi sympathizes with Meredith, noting how challenging it must be to have Scott’s former wife return to their lives. However, even though Abbi understands Meredith’s position, she still actively chooses to exclude Meredith from the family, choosing to side with Kate regardless of Meredith’s evidence.

“‘What about Will?’ she asked. 

‘Will ceased being your husband a long time ago. You are aware of how we broke those earthly covenants.’ I wished I could shield Shiloh from the negative energy shifting between them. She didn’t need to be affected with any darkness so close to having left the light […] 

‘I just meant, you know, is he okay with this?’ 

‘Margo, he is a servant of the Lord.’”

Abner’s religious authority is on full display as he essentially tells Margo that she is not really married to her husband, Will, since their marriage began outside the cult. Kate refers to the conflict as “darkness” compared to the “light” of Shiloh, not recognizing how Abner did the same thing to her, taking her from her husband and impregnating her. Abner’s last line again conflates Abner with God, saying Will is “a servant of the Lord” when he means a servant of Abner.

“‘It’s been up there for two days, and I just reviewed the video from last night, and guess who snuck down to the kitchen to make another midnight phone call?’ 

‘I can’t believe you would invade my privacy like that,’ Mom cried. 

‘Your privacy? You’re in our house. We have a right to know what is going on underneath our roof.’ 

I turned to Dad. Every part of his body tensed with anger. 

‘I don’t even recognize you anymore,’ he said to Meredith, shaking his head in disgust. 

‘Me?’ Meredith yelled. ‘Why is everyone mad at me for this? She’s a liar!’”

Meredith presents her evidence against Kate, dispelling any chance that Kate is telling the truth, but Kate, Scott, and Abbi change their strategy. Instead of denying that Kate was on the phone, they unify under the position that Kate’s phone calls are not Meredith’s business. Meredith is confused because she just proved that Kate is lying, but no one seems to care. As with prior instances of Meredith presenting her case, there is no way to convince Abbi and Scott, who want to believe in Kate.

 “She didn’t blink as she reached out and slammed the van door, sealing me inside. I screamed No! so hard behind my tape it felt like my eyes would burst. 

‘Hurry—we’ve got to move, Abner,’ Mom said. I froze. It was the same voice she’d used in her home videos. ‘I told you I could do it,’ she said. ‘I made the Lord proud. You know I did.’ He laughed. ‘I missed you, my love.’”

Kate’s decision to kidnap Abbi comes to light the moment she closes the door to the van, and her dedication to Love International above her family is highlighted by her assertion that she “made the Lord proud,” meaning, of course, made Abner proud. This passage emphasizes that Kate was precisely as untrustworthy as Meredith suspected, which creates a surprise when Abbi still worries about Kate’s safety. Knowing her mother kidnapped her does not dissuade Abbi from clinging to her fantasy of a happy family.