Woman Down

As Shephard makes dinner, Petra tells herself that she can act normally through the night. She views her life as a series of performances, always being what the public needs her to be. However, Shephard suddenly pauses and looks out the window. Without even looking, Petra knows that Saint’s car is there.

As Saint walks up the driveway, slowly and deliberately, Petra thinks of how he knows that he is causing chaos by coming there. She is overwhelmed with fear and anxiety over what he might do.

Shephard opens the door and greets Saint. Saint tells him that he needs a visitor tag on his vehicle to be on the lake. It is an obvious lie, one that Petra is sure Shephard won’t believe. However, when Shephard asks her about it, she lies and says that she knew but forgot to tell him. Saint stares at Petra, his gaze penetrating. Shephard laughs about the new law and apologizes to Saint. He asks if he can stay the night without one, as he is leaving the next morning. Saint responds that he will check back in the morning to make sure his car is gone, which Petra takes as both a warning and a promise.

At that moment, Mari walks up the driveway. She greets Saint, then Petra introduces Shephard. Mari pointedly looks between the three of them, causing Saint to smile. He leaves, then Petra dismisses Mari, apologizing for the fact that they need to eat dinner.

Back inside, Petra struggles to calm down. Shephard comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her, his embrace “comforting” her. Despite it, Petra feels as though her life could collapse at any moment.

Petra spends the rest of the night acting as if things are normal, but she is overwhelmed by both guilt and fear. After dinner, she and Shephard sit on the couch. He broaches the subject of their finances, asking her to look at their budget. She responds with annoyance, pointing out that he is disrupting her ability to write. He becomes accusatory, asking if she is even working while he is at home, caring for their family. She points out how much she’s written, frustrated that he doesn’t understand how difficult her job is.

As they sit in silence, Petra reflects on their marriage. Things were fine when she was making money. He was able to take an easier, lower-paying position at work, but now she can tell that he regrets it. Things have become increasingly more strained between them since she has not been able to produce another book.

Shephard pulls Petra to him and apologizes. He tells her that he didn’t expect her to be upset that they came; he didn’t even consider that they were interrupting her solitude. He notes that each time she takes a retreat like this, she produces good work, so he should have respected her space. Petra appreciates his apology but feels as though it’s hollow. As they start to kiss, all Petra can think about is what happened on the same couch with Saint.

When Shephard tells her she is going to shower and invites her into the bedroom, Petra quickly goes outside to call Saint. He angrily accuses her of lying about her marriage, while she insists that she just omitted the truth. When Saint asks if she is going to have sex with Shephard, and his tone turns more playful, she realizes that he is just performing, responding how he thinks Cam would have responded. He tells her he can stop playing whenever she wants, but she realizes that she doesn’t want him to. He makes a joke about being on top and imagining him when she’s with her husband, then hangs up. Petra feels both disrespected and intrigued.

Petra goes to the bedroom and waits for Shephard. She knows the night will go exactly how it always does: He will get into the bed, they will use their phones for a while, then he will take hers and put it aside, and they will have sex. She thinks of the entire thing as boring and predictable but feels guilty for thinking so.

Things progress as Petra expects. However, when Shephard kisses her and initiates sex, she decides to follow Saint’s command. She climbs on top of Shephard as they begin having sex. As she imagines that her husband is Saint, she looks out the window and sees Saint standing there between the curtains. His shadow falls over Shephard, who doesn’t notice. Saint grins at her. 

After the shock of seeing him wears off, Petra continues to have sex with Shephard. She moves his hands off her, completely devoting her thoughts to Saint. She is bothered by how Saint’s presence makes her feel so aroused but also so violated. She likes the “power” that he has over her while noting that it feels “perverse and wrong” (194). After she orgasms, she sees that Saint is gone and becomes overwhelmed with guilt.

The next morning, Petra says goodbye to her family. She promises her daughters that she will come home next week for Andi’s birthday, and then she is going to spend one more week in the cabin. She is optimistic that she will finish her book, but she knows that the week will drag on as she continues this game with Saint. Her husband tells her goodbye, clearly happy with their relationship after the night before. Petra only feels guilt.

When Petra turns to go back inside, convinced that she needs to call Saint, she is shocked that Saint is already standing in the doorway to the cabin. She brushes past him, and he closes and locks the door behind her, emphasizing the power that he has over her. He commands her to go shower to “wash” Shephard off her. He follows her to the bathroom and demands that she get in, using her real name. She is happy that they are not in character. As he joins her in the shower, he is all she can think about.

A few days later, Petra and Saint take a boat onto the lake. She tries to read but is distracted by the sight of him driving the boat without a shirt on. She is overwhelmed by the urge to know more about him, so she asks if he has children. He initially refuses to answer, insisting that he won’t cross that line.

A few moments later, Saint begins speaking, surprising Petra. He tells her that he and his wife tried several times to have kids. They went through several different avenues before he learned that he was incapable of producing them. It destroyed their marriage, mostly because he felt guilty that he was holding his wife back from being truly happy with children. Six months ago, they separated. Although they no longer live together, they still talk every day.

Petra is shocked by the information. Part of her is angry, as she was led to believe his marriage was happy. However, Saint explains that after he found out about her book in their first meeting, he wanted to mimic Cam as best he could, so he never told her otherwise. Petra feels both “dread” and “dark understanding” at his explanation (210).

When they return to the cabin and finish tying up at the dock, Saint suddenly moves toward the lake. Petra sees Mari’s orange hair in the water, with her face down. Saint jumps and pulls her from the water. However, instead of drowning, Mari was simply swimming. She jokingly scolds Saint, insisting that he should’ve seen the snorkel sticking out of the water. Petra laughs, while at the same time thinking about the “weight” of returning to Shephard.

That Friday, Petra sits in her backyard with Nora, watching her husband play football and celebrating her daughter’s birthday. She is content with the safety of it all, feeling as though this comfort is the reason she is with Shephard. She wishes that she could have this and Saint, but she knows that she will lose everything if she tries.

At that moment, Petra looks up the street and spots Saint’s car sitting at the end of the road. Overwhelmed with anger, she finds an excuse to slip away from the party and walks up to it. He unlocks the passenger door, letting her inside. She yells at him for intruding on her personal life. He responds, calling her “Reya,” and insisting that he needs to protect her from the death threats she has been receiving over her job. She deliberately calls him “Saint,” insisting that he has crossed a line. He questions what she is afraid of, and she admits that she has no idea what he is capable of. The admission makes him stop pretending, and he insists that he would never do anything to harm or endanger her. He tries to stop her, but she gets out of the car, demanding that he leave.