51 pages • 1-hour read
You, Again
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Themes
The Rarity and Value of Friendship Over Romance
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of death and mental illness.
When Josh and Ari decide to be friends in Part 4, Josh comments, “I can’t even remember the last time I made a friend” (110). His observation about the rarity of friendship is something that pervades the novel, particularly when held in contrast with the ease of securing sexual partners or the beginnings of a romance. While Josh and Ari both date throughout their friendship, neither of them finds any satisfying intimacy in their sexual (in Ari’s case) or romantic (in Josh’s case) encounters. Instead, it is friendship that provides the bulk of their emotional support as they each try to get through a difficult year. The novel thus criticizes a societal over-emphasis on romantic relationships as the relationships that are seen as providing emotional support.
This criticism is particularly notable given that You, Again is a romance novel. Ari and Josh do fall in love, and that love is romantic. However, the novel’s framework, in which they must become friends even while they date other people to truly make a connection, demonstrates that it does not consider traditional markers of romantic connection, such as physical attraction, enough to create a lasting relationship. Without the expectations of romance—which, for Josh, means privileging the appearance of things above actual connection and, for Ari, means using physical connection to distract from potential emotional connection—the pair can truly get to know one another. Because they are friends, they feel more comfortable showing one another their worst qualities, which allows them to get to know one another intimately. This friendship, the author emphasizes, is the basis for the successful romantic relationship that they enjoy at the end of the novel. They have not fallen in love with the best versions of one another; they have fallen in love with all parts of each other. This, Goldbeck implies, is true romance—knowing all of someone and still wanting to spend more time with them and push that relationship to greater intimacy.
While the novel emphasizes the importance of friendship (or liking a person in a way that is separate from physical attraction or romantic appeal) in building a lasting romance, it does not imply that friendships that don’t end in romance are any less important than the ones that do. Ari relies on Gabe and Radhya, two friends with whom she has no romantic connection (despite her sexual history with Gabe), to help work through her insecurities and find a way to rebuild her life after the emotional upheaval of her divorce. Goldbeck thus privileges friendship by insisting on its importance in all forms—both as a precursor to romantic connection and as a permanently platonic form of affection that is not less affirming or important simply because it is not romantic.
The Cost and Benefit of Following Professional Dreams
For both Ari and Josh, their careers are part of their identity. Ari discusses how she sees performing comedy as a kind of therapy, one that lets her express herself and connect with others in a manner that she likens to magic when it goes correctly. For Ari, pursuing comedy as a potentially viable career requires considerable sacrifice; she works numerous jobs that pay poorly to support her dream. Though she spends much of the novel avoiding comedy performances, the text does not frame this as being about Ari’s professional aspirations; rather, it is about her insecurities. She feels rejected after Cass leaves her and fears that the rejection that inevitably comes with comedy will make her depression worse. The time that she spends working with WinProv, however, shows her that giving up on these dreams is not worth the cost. The novel frames this cost as being both emotional and ethical; she despises working for companies that seek to exploit contingent labor forces and does not derive the same emotional satisfaction from leading improv workshops as she does from performing at open mics.
Josh’s connection to cooking is intertwined with his sense of self as an individual, separate from his family history. Though the way Josh talks about food throughout the novel shows his love for cooking, these feelings are intertwined with his desire to separate himself from his father’s legacy—and his anxiety about having failed to do so after his father dies and The Brod fails. For Josh, cooking is a source of both anxiety and confidence. It is not until after he fails, however, that he learns that cooking is different from running a kitchen—something that he indicates he sees as a necessary marker of success. When Josh agrees to work under Radhya in the latter sections of the novel, he finds that he enjoys cooking considerably more when he isn’t obliged to set himself apart from his father’s legacy and establish himself as a better chef than someone else. With Radhya as the head chef, Josh can lean into the part of cooking that he truly enjoys, making different flavor profiles work in unconventional ways.
Radhya, meanwhile, shows an even bigger-picture cost of working in the biased restaurant world. As a woman of color, she notes that she has faced racism and sexism throughout her career; she does not get the second chances that Josh has received due to his race, gender, and economic privilege. Radhya’s unflagging desire to work in a top restaurant, however, indicates that for her, cooking is a dream worth fighting for. This dream is one that she eventually obtains as the head chef at Shaak + Schmaltz. This gives her—a side character in the romance—a happy ending.
The Significance of Timing in Relationships
In You, Again, the significance of timing in relationships is visible in the novel’s title and structure. The title itself alludes to the multiple meet-cutes—romance tropes in which the romantic leads meet in unlikely and entertaining ways—that Josh and Ari undergo in the novel. Josh and Ari meet four separate times before they decide to become friends; the author separates each of these incidents by a marker describing the length of time between each meeting.
The importance of timing thus becomes a running joke between the two friends. They view their previous meetings as an indication that they did not initially come together at the right time. This shows that Ari and Josh, even before they begin to consider the possibility of a romance between them, recognize their relationship as within romantic parameters; “right person, wrong time” is a common romance trope wherein two people have to connect and then reconnect before it is the right time for them to have a romantic partnership. The question of timing ultimately becomes more prevalent in the novel as it progresses. Though Ari and Josh meet multiple times due to happenstance, it is the timing when they meet intentionally that matters, as it pertains to their ultimate decision to come together as boyfriend and girlfriend.
Though Ari and Josh are ready for friendship in the year they spend together, it is not the right time for either of them to enter into a romance. Though Josh believes that he is ready after he and Ari have sex at the end of Part 4, clues in subsequent parts indicate that this is not the case. Josh spends the year apart from Ari going to therapy, returning to the kitchen, and working through his grief over losing his father. Ari, meanwhile, needs this year to realize the importance of Josh in her life and see that, after Cass’s abandonment, she can make a life on her own. You, Again thus presents time apart as being as important to romance as time together. This, in turn, illustrates that while Ari and Josh’s multiple meet-cutes make it seem as though their relationship is fated, the true power that brings them together is ultimately the power of choice. They must both be ready to decide to be together and take the risk of emotional intimacy for the timing to be right for their relationship.
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