64 pages • 2-hour read
You Killed Me First
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Symbols & Motifs
“You Killed Me First”
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes descriptions of physical and emotional abuse, mental illness, suicidal ideation, and self-harm.
The title is an important recurring motif in the book. It appears twice: once in the prologue scene and later in Chapter 65, when the scene is revisited with more context. The appearance of the phrase in the opening scene of the book establishes the existence of a prior relationship between the victim in the prologue and the aggressor, casting this particular murder attempt as a form of retaliation for an unknown wrong. This framework highlights The Slippery Slope of Violence that ensues as the various characters commit violent acts in the name of revenge, survival, and mere emotional satisfaction.
Notably, the titular phrase reappears, slightly altered, in the novel’s conclusion when the voice of Margot inside Anna’s mind opines that she should have killed Anna first, on that day so long ago when Anna’s parents died. Margot’s voice muses that if she had known how things would turn out, she would have unhesitatingly killed Anna the moment she laid eyes on her. The complete lack of remorse in the disembodied voice’s tone suggests that Anna holds an entirely condemnatory view of Margot in the aftermath of the woman’s death—perhaps as a way to justify a murder that was not committed for a truly urgent reason. The moment also highlights a point of irony, for by killing Margot, the mother of a young child, Anna has become precisely what she hated so much about Margot in the first place.
Fire
Fire is an important recurring symbol in the book, often representing traumas both immediate and remembered. Notably, the first scene of the book opens with deadly flames as Margot finds herself trapped in the middle of a fire on Bonfire Night. Then, in the chapters leading up to this fateful event, and even before Anna’s background is revealed, Liv notices burn marks on Anna’s thigh, and these scars hint at the trauma in Anna’s past and imply that just as the burn scars never fade, she will never truly be free of her anguish over the past. For this reason, fire itself transforms into a symbol for revenge; because Anna and Drew were almost killed by fire, Drew attempts to exact revenge on Margot by subjecting her to a similar scenario. Even Anna uses fire in to commit murder when she causes Warren’s car to crash and then setting it alight.
Notably, Marrs introduces a conceptual contrast when fire also becomes the basis of the bond that grows between Anna and Margot after the Bonfire Night incident. Both women survive fires that Drew caused, either directly or indirectly. Additionally, the element does not make any further appearances in the book, even though more characters are murdered: Anna kills Drew by hitting him with a wrench, and she suffocates Margot. This shift underlines the fact that these particular murders were not motivated by a desire for revenge; they were self-serving. Thus, both the presence and the absence of fire sheds light on Anna’s motives.
The Voices of Anna’s Victims
The voices of Anna’s victims serve primarily as an important narrative device and recurring motif in the book. Most of the story is narrated from the alternating first-person perspectives of Margot, Anna, and Liv, but several interlude chapters are narrated by each of Anna’s victims, beginning with her mother, Navya. When these chapters first arrive, Marrs has not yet revealed the identity of the person “hosting” the voices in their mind, and this narrative thread’s connection to the main storyline is not yet clear. This approach contributes to the suspense in the book. Additionally, Marrs never clarifies whether the voices are supernatural or psychological, although the conventions of the psychological thriller genre tend heavily toward the latter choice. Although Anna believes that she is being haunted by her victims, the voices might also be a result of her addled imagination and warped sense of morality. Ultimately, Anna sees the voices as being separate from herself, and she uses their supposed influence as a way to avoid taking full responsibility for her murderous actions.
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