All Fours

One night, Harris confronts the narrator about her mood. She lies and says she’s upset because she’s going through menopause. Harris tries to be understanding. The family takes a walk in the dog park, and Sam finds the Call Me chair, insisting on bringing it home. The next day, the narrator agrees to let Sam get a dog. They go to the shelter and adopt a mutt, whom Sam names Smokey the Bear.

The narrator visits the gynecologist for a checkup. She studies the women in the waiting room, contemplating each of their experiences. After her exam, her doctor informs her she’s entering perimenopause. The narrator is horrified to hear how her body will change. In the car, she does more research on her phone and discovers that perimenopause causes vaginal dryness and reduced libido. She finds a graph that traces men and women’s sex hormones over their respective life spans, and she calls Jordi to discuss this.

At home, Harris tells the narrator about a party he’s throwing for his client, Caro, a famous singer. Harris works in the music industry. She tries to be understanding but can’t focus.

The narrator calls her mom about her experience of menopause. She insists that she can’t remember the details and tells her to ask her father. Then the narrator calls her menopausal friend Mary and asks her about menopause. They discuss body- versus mind-oriented sex. Afterward, the narrator realizes that she’s experiencing a rare bout of desire at her age that she shouldn’t squander and gives up on forgetting Davey.

The narrator decides to choreograph a dance and record it in a scant outfit in front of the Excelsior for Davey. She’ll post it on social media for him to see instead of texting it. However, when she examines her naked body in the mirror, she realizes she needs to get in shape first and starts working out at a local gym. She talks to Jordi about her plan and the possibility of sleeping with Davey.

One day, the narrator discusses her career with Liza on the phone. Liza suggests that she forget about Arkanda and focus on one last good project or award.

Harris informs the narrator that he’ll be in London with Caro for a week and a half. She has no choice but to oblige but dreads being alone with Sam. Shortly after Harris leaves, she learns to embrace parenting alone. Jordi comes over some days, and they continue discussing the narrator’s life, work, and relationships. One day, she tells Jordi about Arkanda’s alleged way of living every day like it’s Tuesday. When Harris returns, the narrator considers initiating sex but doesn’t.

The doctor prescribes the narrator a progesterone cream at her next visit and gives her recommendations to handle her condition. Meanwhile, the narrator continues working out and choreographing her dance.

Finished preparing for her dance, the narrator arranges with Harris to spend the night in Monrovia working. At the Excelsior, Skip agrees to let her stay in Room 321 for free whenever she likes. She feels relieved when she reenters the space. Out in the lot, she records the dance and posts it online with the caption “rn,” implying “right now.” She waits for Davey to see it, like it, and come over to have sex with her. However, he doesn’t respond. She wanders around in a daze afterward and ends up at a local party, where she runs into the antique mall owner, who she discovers is Audra. She begs Audra to tell her where Davey is. Audra says Davey and Claire moved to Sacramento two months ago and then invites the narrator over for tea. While there, the narrator begs Audra for details of her relationship with Davey. Audra explains that she wasn’t his mentor but his lover. They saw each other for two years, beginning when Davey was 18. Their relationship ended when he got serious with Claire.

The narrator takes Audra to the Excelsior to see Room 321. She begs her for more details about Davey. Audra confronts her for living in a fantasy and insists that the narrator needs to engage with reality in any way possible. The two start to touch and kiss. The narrator has had relationships with women before, but never with a woman Audra’s age. The experience surprises her, immediately changing her outlook on older women. After Audra leaves, the narrator takes a long walk and thinks about everything she has experienced. She suddenly feels differently about sex and thinks everyone should have sex with everyone else. She decides that instead of “a life spent longing,” she wants “a life that [is] continually surprising” (212). She returns to Room 321, wondering about all the experiences she’ll have in the future. Then she sees the motel painting and realizes that Davey’s interpretation of it was right.

Shortly after the narrator returns home, Harris confronts her about her dance video, accusing her of disrespecting him. She doesn’t apologize, realizing that the video has shown him her true self and he doesn’t like it. He accuses her of wasting his time and disregarding his feelings. Afterward, the narrator feels awful and imagines leaving the house. Then she imagines all other women getting up and leaving their spouses, too. She wonders what it requires to truly change a life.