Another Reason Why I Don’t Keep A Gun In The House

Billy Collins

18 pages 36-minute read

Billy Collins

Another Reason Why I Don’t Keep A Gun In The House

Fiction | Poem | Adult | Published in 2003

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Character List

Meet the key characters, with insights into their roles, motivations, and relationships—spoiler-free.

Major Characters

The speaker is an individual seeking peace and quiet in their own home, but they find themselves frequently frustrated by neighborhood noise. Acknowledging their own capacity for anger, they deliberately do not keep a firearm in the house to prevent rash actions during moments of high stress. Highly imaginative, the speaker relies on classical music and mental reframing to cope with external circumstances they cannot control.

Key Relationships

Annoyed Listener of The Neighbors' Dog

Frustrated Neighbor of The Neighbors

Listener of Ludwig van Beethoven

Creator of The Conductor

An animal left alone on a regular basis, reacting to its isolation with a high, rhythmic, and continual bark. While initially presented as a nuisance that operates almost like a machine switched on by its owners, the dog becomes the center of a vivid fantasy. In this imagination, the dog sits confidently in the oboe section of a symphony orchestra, delivering a famous solo.

Key Relationships

Disturbance to The Speaker

Neglected Pet of The Neighbors

Soloist under The Conductor

Supporting Characters

People living near the speaker who frequently leave their house. They appear somewhat inattentive to the distress of their pet, routinely leaving the animal behind to bark loudly until their return. Their absence creates the primary conflict of the narrative.

Key Relationships

Disruptive Neighbor of The Speaker

Owner of The Neighbors' Dog

An imagined musical leader who directs the symphony the speaker listens to. Rather than hushing the dog's disruption, the conductor uses his baton to entreat and encourage the animal during its unusual solo, acting as a messenger between the composer's vision and the performers.

Key Relationships

Imagined Director of The Neighbors' Dog

Interpreter for Ludwig van Beethoven

The historical composer whose music the speaker uses to create a barrier against the neighborhood noise. In the context of the poem's fantasy, he is viewed as an innovative genius who deliberately leaves space in his compositions for unexpected additions, such as a barking dog.

Key Relationships

Musical Escape for The Speaker

Composer for The Conductor