52 pages • 1-hour read
Renee CarlinoA modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of sexual content, substance use, and addiction.
Grace shows up late to Professor Pornsake’s class. She is usually focused when playing but feels distracted throughout practice. Then Pornsake criticizes her synthetic bow and tells her to stay after class. Before Tatiana leaves, she invites Grace and Matt to hang out that night. Grace is annoyed that Tatiana assumes she’ll be with Matt, even though she wants “to be with him every second of the day” (73).
Pornsake takes Grace to a bow shop nearby. He insists on buying her an expensive horsehair bow from the proprietor Orvin. Grace feels embarrassed because she can’t afford to pay him back; she admits she can barely afford to feed herself. A sympathetic Pornsake invites her out to dinner, assuring her it isn’t a date.
That evening, Grace practices until it’s time to meet up with Pornsake. In the lounge on the way out, two students tease Grace about Matt, insisting he’s probably participating in an orgy at the photo lab. Embarrassed and upset, Grace races out.
On her way to meet Pornsake, Grace runs into Matt outside the photo store where he works. Matt comments on her outfit and acts offended when she admits she’s going out with Pornsake. She accuses him of having sex at the photo lab and leaves to join Pornsake.
Over dinner, Pornsake insists that Grace call him Dan. He then asks about Grace’s relationship with Matt, insisting college girls always go for guys like Matt. Grace is offended, but Dan explains himself and they end up enjoying dinner.
Back at Senior House, Grace is upset when she sees Matt drinking with an attractive girl in the lounge. Grace starts drinking heavily and flirting with another guy, too. Then Matt inserts himself, telling the guy he doesn’t want to sleep with Grace when she’s this drunk. Grace is hurt, but Matt shepherds her back to the lounge. She falls into his arms and cries, wishing they could be friends the way they were. Matt comforts her and brings her back to her room. He puts on some music and they dance.
The room is hot, so Matt takes off his shirt. Feeling aroused, Grace touches Matt’s stomach and hips while dancing but Matt pulls away. Grace worries he’s disgusted by her but he assures her otherwise. The two fall onto the bed and Grace admits she’s a virgin. Matt assumed as much and assures her she doesn’t have to be embarrassed. She then takes off her clothes and asks Matt to photograph her. Afterward, they curl up in bed together. Grace is comforted and aroused by Matt’s nearness.
In music class, Tatiana teases Grace about going out with Dan. Grace admits they mostly talked about the traveling orchestra Dan is forming that he wants her to join. Tatiana is auditioning and can’t believe Grace isn’t interested; Grace wants to apply for grad school instead. They get into an argument about the future.
After class, Grace visits Orvin. They talk about music and life. Grace feels encouraged afterward. However, her mood changes when she calls her mom and learns that her dad “lost his job again” (95). He’s a person with alcohol addiction and is often unemployed. Grace feels even more upset when her mom admits they won’t be able to afford her ticket home for Christmas.
Grace drinks alone in her room wearing Matt’s t-shirt until Matt stops by that evening. She begs him to kiss her. The two make out and then lie in bed talking. Then they kiss again and Matt performs oral sex on Grace. Afterward, he admits his mom taught him about the female body and how to pleasure a woman. The two fall asleep together. In the morning, Grace finds a note from Matt on the nightstand inviting her to spend Christmas with his family.
At the park, Grace tells Tatiana about her night with Matt. When it starts raining, Grace goes to see Matt at the PhotoHut. Inside, he dries her clothes in the print dryer. While waiting, they kiss and touch each other. They also talk about Christmas and agree to start casually dating.
Matt got the National Geographic internship and will be leaving after graduation. They kiss again and agree to be exclusive until the summer. They also promise to stay best friends. Grace is dizzy with happiness.
Grace and Matt pack for their trip to California. Grace gets nervous when Matt reveals that his dad Charles and Charles’s new wife Regina are wealthy. Grace doesn’t know what to bring and fears she won’t make a good impression. Matt reassures her and they agree to meet up after they’re done packing to have sex that night.
In the bathroom alone, Grace studies her body in the mirror. She wants to be with Matt but feels anxious that she isn’t good enough. She puts her hands on her breasts and stomach while showering and getting dressed, too. Matt comes over. He gives Grace a glass of wine and assures her she doesn’t have to be nervous. The two kiss, drink, and talk. Matt thinks they should be themselves until they’re ready to have sex. They listen to music and talk until they start kissing again, and then they have sex. Matt whispers that he loves her into Grace’s ear. Grace feels the same but doesn’t say so aloud.
Grace and Matt barely sleep that night. They wake up and have sex again. Being with Matt feels completely normal to Grace and she wonders if she’s changed. Afterward, they get ready and head to the airport.
Aletha picks up Grace and Matt from the airport. Grace likes Aletha immediately. She asks about Grace’s music and suggests she play Charles’s piano when they visit Matt’s dad. At the house, Aletha shows Grace to the guestroom where she and Matt will be staying.
Over dinner that night, Matt and Aletha talk about Alexander, with whom Matt had a falling out after Alexander started dating his ex, Monica. Aletha reminds him how close they used to be but admits that Alex can be difficult.
In the hall afterward, Grace notices photos Matt took of Aletha when he was young. They discuss the work and kiss.
In the morning, Grace has coffee with Aletha while Matt is running errands. Aletha tells Grace more about Matt’s difficult relationship with Charles. Charles used to be more like Matt but changed when he became wealthy. The same thing happened with Alex and Monica. Aletha warns Grace about Monica, as she’s always had feelings for Matt. Then the two discuss Christmas presents. Aletha invites Grace to use her art studio where she does leatherwork to make a new belt for Matt. She shows Grace how to use the tools to make a design.
Matt finds Grace in the studio when he returns home. He starts kissing and undressing her but Grace feels self-conscious that they didn’t talk about their first time together. Matt dismisses her concerns, which only upsets Grace more. Finally, she admits that she’s worried she isn’t good or pretty enough for Matt. He leads her to their room and reassures her. Then they get dressed for dinner at his dad’s house.
Grace and Matt arrive at Charles’s house. Grace feels uncomfortable but does her best to navigate Charles’s, Regina’s, Alexander’s, and Monica’s questions and moods. Everything goes well until Monica exclaims that Grace is the one Charles “bailed out” with the loan for the cello. Embarrassed and angry, Grace closes herself in the bathroom. Matt joins her, explaining what happened and reassuring her. He gives her a shot of tequila and tells her to play the piano for everyone. Feeling looser, Grace performs a Pink Floyd song.
Grace and Matt spend the rest of the trip with Aletha. Grace gives Matt the belt she made, and he is thrilled. Aletha gives Matt and Grace ceramic mugs she made and Matt gives Grace and Aletha photos he took of him and Grace.
Back in New York, Grace and Matt fall back into their usual routine. They take classes, explore New York, sleep, and study in their rooms together. In February, Matt surprises Grace with tickets to her favorite musician Jeff Buckley’s concert. Grace loves the show even though she’s disappointed he didn’t play “Hallelujah.”
In Chapters 8 through 14, Grace’s first person-point of view incites the novel’s explorations of the Journey Toward Change, Fulfillment, and Reconciliation. While Chapters 1 through 7 depict the narrative world from Matt’s perspective, these chapters offer insight into Grace’s perception of college life and her burgeoning love affair with Matt. While Matt’s chapters are preoccupied with adjusting to life in New York after leaving California (and Grace’s role in this transition), Grace’s chapters focus on her artistic, financial, sexual, and personal challenges (and Matt’s role in them).
For Grace, meeting Matt expands the scope of her experience and introduces new existential questions about herself. The start of their relationship also coincides with Grace’s other life challenges. Unlike Matt, Grace doesn’t come from a wealthy family and isn’t sure how she wants her life after graduation to look. Although Matt has a fraught relationship with his dad, he has a tight bond with his mother who supports and loves him; furthermore, he has a distinct sense of what he wants from the future and how he’s going to begin his photography career.
By contrast, Grace’s life is defined by questions, insecurity, and the unknown. Her family life is tumultuous and causes her constant worry. Meanwhile, she isn’t sure if she’ll get into grad school or if she should go abroad with Pornsake’s orchestra. Being with Matt thus offers her a sense of comfort and consistency she hasn’t otherwise had. Even though she feels “the pressure to get [her] application in for grad school, which seem[s] like the logical next step,” Grace feels that she has “no self-control when it [comes] to Matt” (73). Grace knows that she has to take charge of her life and make decisions that will guarantee her a stable future, but in the narrative present, her heart, mind, and body are consumed by her and Matt’s relationship. This is because Matt has come to symbolize comfort, warmth, security, and stability for Grace. Falling in love for the first time thus begins to change how Grace sees herself and imagines her life after finishing college.
Grace’s relationship with Matt also initiates Grace’s sexual awakening, an experience that marks a transformative crossroads in her adult life. Although the two have been spending all of their time together, Grace has been hesitant to initiate an explicitly romantic or sexual dynamic between them. This is in part because she knows from her parents’ difficult marriage that relationships can come in the way of personal aspirations and desires. At the same time, Grace hesitates to become formally involved with Matt because she is self-conscious about her body and lack of sexual experience. The way that she talks about herself, behaves in Matt’s presence when they edge toward intimacy, or regards herself when she’s alone reveals her fear of disappointing Matt. For years, Grace has “avoided [having sex] because [she] was so laser-focused on school and music” (89). Now that she is in her early twenties, she feels embarrassed that she’s still a virgin and unsure if Matt will still accept her.
Grace has thus defined herself according to her artistic passions and academic accomplishments. Her family situation has taught her that she has to work hard and do well if she hopes to survive; as a young woman, she has also learned that she needs to take care of herself because she might not have people in her life who can value and provide for her. When she starts seeing Matt, she realizes that she wants to explore her sexuality on her own terms—a decision that challenges her former sense of self and launches her into a new realm of experience. At the same time, just making the decision to be intimate with Matt conveys Grace’s desire to pursue her own personal emotional fulfillment for the first time.
Grace’s first sexual experience raises questions about her personal self-worth. These insecurities don’t originate from Matt’s treatment of Grace, but rather from Grace’s own psyche. Grace and Matt don’t sleep together for the first time until after they’ve agreed to be exclusive and have shared their desire to remain close friends forever; these promises make Grace feel comfortable and cared for even though she and Matt haven’t expressly professed their love for each other yet. Grace also feels safe and comfortable when she and Matt are in the act of physical intimacy. She is so engrossed in her sexual experiences with Matt that the “walls could [be] crumbling” and her “cello could [be] on fire” (119), and she wouldn’t have noticed or moved away from Matt.
Despite their deep and meaningful sexual bond, Grace needs affirmation in the days to come. She starts to worry that she isn’t attractive or skilled enough for Matt and begins to interpret his behaviors as signs of his disgust with her. Grace’s self-consciousness implies that Grace has unresolved internal tension: She is still learning how to accept herself and to find enjoyment in her life and her body. Her foray into sexual intimacy with Matt places her on this journey toward change.



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