Before We Were Strangers

“Will I find Grace there? I went back and forth between wanting to do everything I could to find her and feeling like it was totally pointless. She’d be with someone. She’d be someone’s wife. Someone better than me. I wanted to get away from everything reminding me that I still had nothing.”

The novel uses the lost love and second chance romance tropes to spur Matt and Grace’s complex love affair. Matt is thrilled to have seen Grace on the subway platform after so many years, but he isn’t sure if life is in fact giving them a chance to start over. He uses a halting, questioning tone that conveys his fear of both opening his heart to Grace again and of losing her again. The passage’s subtext implies that romantic second chances require risk, invoking The Enduring Impact of First Love.

“I remained still, transfixed, as I took her in. She had big, incandescent green eyes, alit with energy that demanded attention. Her mouth was moving and I was staring right at her, but I couldn’t hear a word she was saying; all I could think about was how uniquely beautiful she was.”

Matt’s use of descriptive detail conveys his initial attraction to Grace. He uses diction including “big,” “incandescent,” and “uniquely” to capture Grace’s beautiful appearance. This language vivifies Grace’s physicality on the page and enacts the intensity of Matt’s gaze on her. Matt is just meeting Grace and he is immediately “transfixed” by her; the scene thus foreshadows their coming romance.

“Even though it’s a huge pain to lug around, I love the cello. I love how its texture can be growly or smooth. When I play the strings without a bow, it reminds me of skipping rocks, and I can’t help but picture those flat little pebbles against the still water.”

The descriptive and figurative language Grace uses to describe playing the cello illustrates her artistic passion. She likens the experience of playing her cello to the feeling “of skipping rocks,” a simile that evokes notions of innocence, ease, and peacefulness. Grace’s use of language captures her creative spirit and establishes Artistic Passion as a Source of Bonding between her and Matt.

“Our friendship had become so comfortable that brushing up against her, twirling her around, grabbing her hand, and giving her piggyback rides felt totally normal. Sometimes there would be quieter moments when it seemed like she wanted me to kiss her—and Lord knows I wanted to, but she would always break the silence or look away. I didn’t care, I just wanted to be around her.”

Matt’s internal monologue about his and Grace’s dynamic captures the complexity and intensity of their connection. Matt enjoys spending time with Grace because they have a youthful energy when they’re together; they twirl each other around, grab onto each other, and give each other rides. These pastimes evoke the ease and carefree nature of childhood, which is how the protagonists feel in each other’s company. At the same time, they experience moments of “quiet” or “silence” that reveal the emotional depth of their bond.

“I was taken aback by the suggestion but more so by how crystal clear my goals suddenly became in that moment. I thought National Geographic was a pipe dream. It’s one of those things you aspire to as a kid, like becoming a professional baseball player or the President of the United States. In my book, traveling the world and taking photos was the ultimate level of success, and I couldn’t believe this chance was falling into my lap, even if it was just an internship.”

Matt’s opportunity with National Geographic marks a turning point in his self-discovery and Journey Toward Change, Fulfillment, and Reconciliation. Matt is finding validation for his work, which encourages him to continue pursuing his dreams of becoming a professional photographer. He will devote himself to this goal over the following months and years because he hopes accomplishing it will make him happy. He uses an optimistic tone in this passage, which conveys his investment in his work and foreshadows the trajectory for his life over the years to come.

“My heart skipped a beat; I swallowed. He smiled and I couldn’t help but return it even though I wanted to ask him a million questions I knew I couldn’t. It was his life and we were friends. When it was time to cross, we walked toward each other and stopped in the middle of the crosswalk.”

The image of Matt and Grace approaching each other from opposite sides of the street is a metaphor for their relationship. They are facing each other and thus in full view of one another, their body language mimics their acute attention on one another throughout their relationship. At the same time, they are crossing the street and they stop “in the middle of the crosswalk,” an image that conveys the poor timing of their relationship and foreshadows how they’ll lose touch in the coming years. Furthermore, although they are in immediate physical proximity, they don’t articulate their thoughts and feelings—a withholding tendency that will create distance between them in the years to come.

“There weren’t many virgins my age at NYU, and I was beginning to wonder if I had missed my window. That’s what happens; as you get older, it gets harder and harder to pursue an intimate relationship with someone. I had avoided it because I was so laser-focused on school and music. By sophomore year, I was literally the only person I knew who was still a virgin. I felt like a joke. And I was scared guys would think I was weird or inexperienced.”

Grace’s internal monologue about her sex life, sexuality, and body image reveal new facets of Grace’s character. Grace wants to be with Matt, but she worries that she is too “weird or inexperienced.” She has a habit of undermining her self-worth because her past experiences (particularly those related to her family, school, and music) have taught her that her desires and needs are insignificant. Overcoming these insecurities is an important part of Grace’s Journey Toward Change, Fulfillment, and Reconciliation.

“Friends forever might have been a tired expression, but when he asked, it was like music or poetry. I knew it meant something else. I knew it meant I need you in my life. I tried to detect some humor in his voice, but there was nothing…just a request. We stood there, so young and so sure about each other.”

Grace’s reflections on her and Matt’s relationship capture The Enduring Impact of First Love. Grace hears Matt’s promise to be “friends forever” as “music or poetry,” a metaphor that authenticates her way of seeing the world and the beauty of her and Matt’s connection. She doesn’t know what will happen for her and Matt in the future, but the purity of their exchange in this scene foreshadows the way they will find their way back to each other even after years apart.

“I couldn’t breathe at that moment for fear that it would all go away. I closed my eyes and let go. It was strange; it wasn’t that I forgot that Matt was there—how could I?—but I had very little self-awareness and self-consciousness. It was like I forgot that I was there when the buildup began and the tingling waves of hot and cold shot through my body.”

Grace has a transformative and transcendent experience when she and Matt have sex for the first time. She describes the experience as “strange” because it is uncommon for her not to feel overly “self-aware” or “self-conscious.” Her fears and insecurities are thus dissipating in the safety and intimacy of her interaction with Matt. Furthermore, she likens the experience to “tingling waves of hot and cold,” which conveys the emotional and physical intensity of bonding with Matt.

“The other night was easily the most enjoyable night of my life, I swear to you. I doubt anyone else could ever top it. You are so uniquely beautiful and sexy, and you moved so perfectly that I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.”

Matt uses clear, direct, language to convey his deep feelings for Grace. He is trying to reassure Grace that having sex with her for the first time was important to him. His sincere tone is meant to put Grace at ease. Matt’s lines of dialogue also convey his character’s capacity for genuineness, honesty, and empathy.

“After the holidays, Grace and I spent as much time as we could together—mostly naked. It felt like we were trying to condense a whole relationship into a few short months before I left for South America. We must have told each other a million times that what we had was casual, but it didn’t feel that way.”

Matt and Grace’s devotion to each other before the end of senior year shows their fear of losing one another. They want “to condense a whole relationship” into the time they have left because they have yet to learn The Enduring Impact of First Love. Indeed, their relationship isn’t as “casual” as they make it out to be and ends up transcending the bounds of time and space, miscommunication and heartbreak.

“You know what? I should get to do everything I want to do. Tati’s right; maybe I’m turning down a great opportunity just to stay here and wait for you. Maybe I will go with Pornsake after all.”

Grace’s frustrated tone in this scene of dialogue conveys her fear of losing Matt. She wants to make a life with him, but also fears that Matt doesn’t want the same and won’t wait for her the way she plans to wait for him. The moment conveys the emotional intensity of young love.

“Even though it was still healing, I must have kissed the words over his chest a hundred times that night. He’d kiss the back of my neck and tell me how much he was going to miss his green-eyed lovebird, and then I would call him a cheese ball and we would laugh and then I would cry.”

Grace and Matt’s tattoos symbolize their loving bond. They kiss one another’s tattoos because they are trying to memorialize and honor their connection. This scene has an intimate and melancholic narrative mood; the characters are still together, but they’re anticipating losing one another soon.

“We were so young, and life was already offering so many twists and turns. But did I have to accept what I had just read without arguing my case? No way.”

Being apart from Matt challenges Grace’s understanding of herself, their relationship, and love itself. She decides that she isn’t going to accept Matt’s absence and alleged future with Liz Hunt when she reads the photography magazine article because she still believes in The Enduring Impact of First Love. Her determined tone conveys her desperation to preserve what she and Matt have despite their challenging new circumstances.

“I had been closed off for a long time, and I hadn’t allowed myself to imagine the future because I was still stuck in the past. Though it was impossible, I had tried to re-create what Matt and I once had. I wanted nothing else; he was all I could imagine. But Orvin once told me that time is the currency of life. And I had lost so much of it.”

Matt’s reappearance in Grace’s life complicates her Journey Toward Change, Fulfillment, and Reconciliation. Although she still loves Matt, she is unsure if letting him back into her life is the right thing for her and Ash. Her fear originates from her fraught past, particularly how much time she spent trying to get over Matt. Her questioning, searching tone in this passage captures her desire to make sense of her and Matt’s dynamic and to care for herself.

“Slowly, I took each photo out of the tote. The last photo I pulled out was taken on the day I left for South America. It was what they call a ‘selfie’ now. Grace and I were lying in bed, looking up into the lens as I held the camera over us and clicked the shutter. We looked so happy, so content, so in love. What happened to us?”

Matt’s photos from college offer him a gateway back into his past relationship with Grace. When Matt goes through the tote of old photos, he is immediately transported to his and Grace’s life together years prior. The happiness, contentment, and love he perceives in these images reminds him of what he and Grace shared and makes him wonder if they can recapture this era of their life together. The fact that his photography still remains a shared link between them also speaks to Artistic Passion as a Source of Bonding.

“What I had loved about her all those years ago was still there: her unique mannerisms; how unaware she was of her beauty; her hair, still long and blonde, draped over one shoulder; her lips, a full, natural pink. Even at this distance, I could see her spectacular green eyes.”

Matt’s reflections on Grace reiterate The Enduring Impact of First Love. Fifteen years have passed since Matt and Grace were together, but for Matt little about his love for Grace has changed. He still appreciates her “mannerisms” and “beauty,” which shows that even time hasn’t compromised their indelible bond.

“It was like I had fallen into some alternate universe, where Grace loved me and I was the one who had left. All these years I had spent depressed over losing her, yet all this time she had been trying to find me.”

Matt and Grace’s revelations about their 15 years apart change the stakes of their relational past and future. Matt is unsure what these revelations mean and is trying to reorient to a new version of reality in this scene. The reference to an “alternate universe” captures how miscommunication and mistakes might come between lovers and challenge their intimacy. At the same time, Matt is learning that Grace’s love for him has endured despite what he once thought—this discovery gives him hope and foreshadows their ultimate reconciliation.

“The sun was shining down between the skyscrapers as I made my way to the subway, clutching a medium-sized box filled with career mementos. I was smiling on the train as I tried to recall every detail of my kiss with Grace the Friday before. How soft her hair felt between my fingers, how she always, even fifteen years later, kept her eyes closed seconds after the kiss was over, like she was savouring it.”

The sunny springtime weather mirrors Matt’s positive mood change. He is leaving the office to start working from home after navigating a difficult workplace culture and finds the “shining sun” a beacon of hope. He has a smile on his face when he thinks about Grace, too, because being out in the clear air and surrounded by his favorite urban environment lifts his spirit. The scene marks a change in Matt’s circumstances and interiority, foreshadowing his and Grace’s work to reconcile.

“She wanted to take it slow, the way we had done before—all of those amazing moments in our dorm just being together, dancing, singing, playing music, taking pictures. That’s the problem with adults. There’s no taking your time because you think, even at the relatively young age of thirty-six, that your days are numbered.”

Matt’s internal monologue captures the difficulty of navigating past and present experiences as an adult. Matt and Grace fell in love when they were young, but in the present they have a different outlook on life because of how much time has passed. The passage captures the characters’ coming work to reconcile their former lives with their current circumstances as they rekindle their relationship.

“I was never convinced that you moved on just like that. I had to accept it, but you weren’t there to tell me if it was true or not. The letter was so unlike you, so indifferent. I couldn’t believe you said those things, and for so long I didn’t believe it. But then there came a point when I realized I wasn’t living anymore. […] But I never stopped thinking about you.”

Grace uses an open and honest tone to communicate her vulnerable feelings to Matt. She isn’t hiding her experience from Matt anymore because she wants to rekindle the connection they once had. She is simultaneously acknowledging the difficulty of the years without Matt and confessing The Enduring Impact of First Love. Her intimate lines of dialogue imply that the characters have always been, and always will, remain connected.

“I was experiencing every feeling one could have at the same time, including love. I was feeling love for the sweet child sitting in front of me, defending me and defending her mom, equally, with such loyalty and insight.”

Matt’s response to spending time with his daughter Ash conveys the powerful influence she is having on Matt’s heart. In particular, Ash contributes to Matt’s Journey Toward Change, Fulfillment, and Reconciliation. She is not only “loyal” and “insightful,” but she’s also “loving” and “sweet.” These character traits soften Matt’s heart and usher him toward reconciliation with the past and fulfillment in the future.

“Graceland Marie Starr-Shore-Porter—whatever your name is—my life wasn’t real without you. It was just a series of days all strung together by a bunch of regrets. But then I got you back. This is the right time, I promise; this is our time. You’re the love of my life. I fucking love you, Grace. I’ve always loved you. I loved you when I wasn’t with you, and before that, and right now. Marry me?”

Matt’s proposal ushers Grace and Matt toward their happily-ever-after ending. Matt uses emotional and playful language when he asks Grace to marry him—teasing her about her name and incorporating expletives into his profession of love. His tone thus conveys his desperation to be with Grace no matter what life might hold for them. He uses the word “love” four times in the proposal, which underscores The Enduring Impact of First Love and foreshadows the blissful romantic future the two will share.