Call It What You Want

“I’m fucked up in a lot of different ways, but the biggest is that I wouldn’t know a healthy relationship if it slapped me in the face. You can thank my parents for that.”

In his first point-of-view chapter, Ethan directly characterizes his internal state, linking his inability to form healthy connections to his upbringing. This establishes the motivation for his commitment-avoidant behavior and introduces the theme of The Lingering Effects of Childhood Trauma on Intimacy. Because Ethan identifies his own flaws early on, the text creates dramatic irony, as the reader understands the root of his issues before Sloane does.

“‘I don’t really talk to people the way we talked outside earlier,’ he admitted. ‘You mean to girls?’ ‘To anyone. Not even Graham.’ ‘What makes me different?’ Curiosity piqued my interest. ‘I trust you.’”

This exchange occurs the first night Sloane and Ethan spend together, highlighting a moment of perceived intimacy. Ethan’s admission positions Sloane as uniquely capable of breaking through his emotional walls, which connects to the theme of The Fallacy of Saving a Partner Through Love. The simple, declarative statement “I trust you” functions as a significant hook for Sloane, creating a foundation of hope that is challenged by Ethan’s subsequent actions.

“New York isn’t North Carolina. It’s cutthroat. You need to be the best of the best to get any job there, especially in editorial. Just focus on sharpening your craft and continue to network. I know you can do it.”

Spoken by Sloane’s mother, this dialogue establishes an external pressure that shapes Sloane’s ambitions. It emphasizes the high stakes of her professional goals, which are linked to the writing and journaling motif and her journey toward self-actualization. This conversation provides a counterbalance to her romantic struggles, foreshadowing how her career will become the primary vehicle for reclaiming her identity.

“‘It’s not like I have a girlfriend,’ he said so casually, which only fueled my frustration.”

During their first significant argument, Ethan uses the ambiguity of their relationship as a defense, distilling their core conflict into a single line of dialogue. The word “casually” underscores his emotional detachment and the power imbalance created by the lack of a label, directly impacting Sloane’s sense of security and self-worth. This moment serves as a turning point, transforming the undefined nature of their connection from a passive reality into an active source of pain.

“‘I really don’t want to get hurt,’ I continued. ‘I wouldn’t hurt you, Sloane.’”

This exchange creates dramatic irony, as the reader is aware of the breakup described in the prologue and understands that Ethan’s promise will be broken. His assurance highlights either his self-deception or his misunderstanding of his own emotional capabilities. The moment also reveals Sloane’s vulnerability and her willingness to accept his words despite her fears.

“I’d known for a while that she was falling in love with me—it was written all over her face and melted into every interaction I had with her. I felt bad knowing that I’d never be able to love her the same way she loved me. […] I also knew that stringing her along wasn’t fair. I knew what I needed to do.”

This internal monologue reveals Ethan’s decision to end the relationship is a conscious choice stemming from his perceived emotional limitations. His awareness of Sloane’s feelings and his inability to reciprocate relates to the narrative’s exploration of The Lingering Effects of Childhood Trauma on Intimacy. The passage casts him not as a malicious figure, but as one who believes preemptive abandonment is a kinder alternative to failing at a love he feels incapable of giving.

“‘Am I not enough?’ I managed through tears. His face dropped. ‘Please don’t think for a second that any of this is your fault. It’s not at all. You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve this. I don’t want to take you down with me.’”

This exchange during their first breakup encapsulates a central conflict of the novel. Sloane’s question directly addresses the theme of Defining Self-Worth Beyond a Relationship Label, as her value becomes intertwined with Ethan’s inability to commit. Ethan’s response uses cliché language (“You’re too good for me”) that functions as a defense mechanism, foreshadowing the unresolved personal trauma that prevents him from maintaining a healthy relationship.

“My thumb wavered over the Facebook icon before I decided to tap it. In the search bar, her name was recently viewed: Laura Brady. She still hadn’t changed her last name, even though she’d remarried. I clicked on her latest profile picture […] She was smiling and posing with her daughter—the half sister I’d never met and likely never would.”

From Ethan’s perspective, this moment provides an unspoken explanation for his emotional unavailability. The action of viewing his estranged mother’s profile reveals the wound of her abandonment, which is a source of his inability to form intimate connections. This detail directly supports the theme of The Lingering Effects of Childhood Trauma on Intimacy, showing how his past actively haunts his present.

“Do you hear yourself? A relationship isn’t supposed to be this hard. Sure, every couple has arguments and makes compromises but the lead-up shouldn’t be this long. He should know what he wants, and if he doesn’t, maybe that should be a sign that it’s not you.”

Delivered by Sloane’s roommate Lauren, this dialogue provides an external perspective on the central relationship. Lauren acts as a voice of reason, her rational view contrasting with Sloane’s emotional justifications for Ethan’s behavior. Her words articulate a central argument of the text: that a healthy relationship should not require constant, one-sided emotional labor.

“Promise me something, Hart?” His tone was sincere. “No matter how much you miss me or Wilmington, you won’t let that bring you down. You’ve wanted this your entire life. You finally have it. Grab New York by the balls and enjoy it. I’ll be cheering you on, no matter how far away I am.”

Ethan’s speech creates dramatic irony, as he encourages Sloane’s independence while preparing to end their relationship. The use of the “Hart” nickname, a key motif, creates a false sense of security that contrasts with the emotional distance in the phrase “no matter how far away I am.” His words function as a pre-emptive release of responsibility, framing her success as separate from him.

“I’m sorry to do this over text, but I couldn’t find the words earlier. […] I have problems that you don’t want to get involved in, and as much as it kills me, I know I have to let you go. You deserve so much more than me.”

This breakup text highlights Ethan’s avoidance of direct confrontation. The impersonal medium of a text message underscores his emotional immaturity. His reasoning repeats the self-deprecating excuses from their first breakup, demonstrating a lack of character development and the cyclical nature of his self-sabotage.

“When he was thirteen, both of his parents were arrested. They were drinking and driving, and they killed someone on a bike. […] When his mom was released, we all expected her to come back for him. That was the plan, according to Brady. She never showed up, and it broke him.”

This revelation from Graham explains the source of Ethan’s trauma. The exposition reframes his behavior as a fear of intimacy and abandonment stemming from a childhood event. By withholding this information until late in the narrative, the text allows the reader to experience the effects of Ethan’s actions before understanding their cause, showing a balance of dramatic irony and revelation.

“These comments and posts from girls who are reading and relating to my article are helping to accelerate it though. They’re giving me the closure he was never able to.”

In this moment of professional triumph, Sloane’s internal monologue connects the Writing and Journaling motif to the theme of Defining Self-Worth Beyond a Relationship Label. By transforming her private pain into a public article, she finds communal validation that serves as a substitute for the closure Ethan denied her. This marks a pivotal shift, as she begins to derive her sense of identity from her career rather than from a partner’s validation.

“Ethan kept me at arm’s length like he was hiding me, and Reese puts me on his shoulders like he’s parading me around town. The two feelings could not be more different.”

Sloane uses juxtaposition to contrast her two significant relationships, revealing her awareness of healthy versus unhealthy dynamics. The imagery of being hidden versus paraded highlights the secrecy that defined her time with Ethan against the security offered by Reese. This moment of clarity establishes her internal conflict between pursuing a volatile connection and wanting a stable partnership.

“He’s your first love, so you’re never going to forget him, not really anyway. […] it’s an empty kind of love. You’re happy to have experienced it, and maybe you’re sad from time to time that it’s over, but you know it wasn’t meant to last forever.”

Delivered by Lauren after Ethan’s reappearance, this dialogue functions as a thematic statement on the nature of first love. The metaphor of an “empty kind of love” reframes Sloane’s idealized attachment as a nostalgic, finite experience rather than an enduring connection. Lauren acts as a voice of reason, providing an external perspective that Sloane subsequently resists.

“‘Why could you never get there with me?’ […] ‘I don’t know, Sloane.’ His use of my first name, instead of Hart, tells me that we’re not treading in shallow waters anymore. ‘I can’t put it into words. It isn’t about you. It’s about me. I just can’t get there with anyone. If I could, it would be you,’ he admits.’”

This exchange reveals Sloane’s desire for a deep connection and Ethan’s emotional manipulation. Sloane perceives the switch from her nickname to her first name as a sign of emotional weightiness, a reading that serves her desire for meaning. His response is a non-answer that absolves him of responsibility while making Sloane feel uniquely special (“If I could, it would be you”), which explores the theme of The Fallacy of Saving a Partner Through Love.

“I wonder what love is like for other people. Is it easy? I know it’s not supposed to be this hard. But all of that feels too personal to say out loud. Instead, I feed her a bunch of bullshit that I know she wants to hear.”

Ethan’s internal monologue creates dramatic irony, exposing the deception behind his confession to Sloane. This passage confirms that his inability to commit is rooted in trauma he cannot articulate, supporting the theme of The Lingering Effects of Childhood Trauma on Intimacy. His choice to be dishonest highlights the communication gap between them and the one-sided nature of their emotional connection.

“But I’m not him. No one can compete with a ghost, Sloane. You chase after a guy who’s never certain about you, while I stand here seeing you, wanting you, choosing you, and you don’t even care.”

During his breakup with Sloane, Reese uses a metaphor, labeling Ethan a “ghost” to articulate the central conflict of their relationship. This word choice captures how Sloane is haunted by an idealized past, which prevents her from valuing the stable love Reese offers. His speech highlights the consequences of Sloane’s unresolved feelings, framing her attachment to Ethan as a contest against a memory.

“‘It just reminds me of college. You’d pick a fight or find a way to turn a good night into a bad one. I answer one question the way you weren’t expecting, and it’s like the rest of the night just goes out the window,’ he says.”

After Sloane questions their future, Ethan deflects by framing her concerns as habitual conflict-seeking, a form of gaslighting that shifts blame onto her. This dialogue reveals his emotional immaturity and inability to engage with the issues in their relationship. This pattern of accusation demonstrates the cyclical, unhealthy dynamic that prevents them from moving forward.

“Sometimes loving him feels like I’m lingering in the doorway of his bedroom, waiting for him to let me in. Will he ever let me in?”

This quote employs a spatial metaphor to articulate Sloane’s emotional state. The image of lingering in a doorway captures her passive waiting and the emotional barrier Ethan maintains. The concluding rhetorical question underscores her feelings of powerlessness and her realization that her love may not be enough to gain entry, linking to the theme of The Fallacy of Saving a Partner Through Love.

“Just know if you keep this shit up for much longer, you’re gonna lose her for good, and from what I can tell, you really do like and care about her. A girl like Sloane won’t wait around forever.”

Spoken by Graham, this line serves as an external voice of reason and foreshadows the relationship’s potential end. Graham’s warning establishes the stakes of Ethan’s self-sabotage, articulating a truth Ethan is unwilling to face. The dialogue confirms that Ethan’s behavior is a damaging pattern and that its consequences are clear to those outside the dynamic.

“Loving him is hard, but leaving would be harder. Why can’t it just be easy?”

Sloane’s internal monologue distills her central conflict into a paradox. The statement demonstrates the logic of a trauma bond, where the difficulty of the relationship feels safer than the pain of separation. The final question highlights her exhaustion with the emotional labor required to sustain her connection with Ethan, contrasting her ideal of love with her reality.

“I look at my hand and notice there’s a large piece of glass wedged into my palm. Why can’t I feel it? I can see the glass and the blood, but I can’t feel anything.”

This moment equates the physical shattering of the glass with the emotional shattering of the relationship. Sloane’s inability to feel the cut is a metaphor for the psychological shock and numbness of the final breakup. This disconnect between physical and emotional sensation illustrates the depth of her heartbreak.