Clock Dance

Chapter 3 jumps forward 20 years to paint a picture of Willa’s life as a wife, a mother, and now a widow. This chapter explores themes of The Drawbacks of Passivity, The Pursuit of Self-Fulfillment, and The Importance of Community. 

The contrast between Willa and Derek is illustrated when they discuss Ian’s wish to take a gap year from high school. While they agree that it’s a bad idea, Willa believes reasoning with Ian is an effective approach, while Derek calls Willa a pushover and asks her why she’s trying to “negotiate with him” (78). The ever-aggressive Derek begins to drive more recklessly, cursing at the cars around them, while Willa complies quietly with his instructions to check the map and write down a license plate. She sees his inappropriate anger, advising him, “don’t you react, Derek” (80). But while Willa always follows Derek’s orders, Derek always ignores her suggestions. Fortunately for Willa, Derek’s careless disregard leads only to his demise and not hers. 

Derek is not wrong in characterizing Willa as a “pushover.” She has never engaged in The Pursuit of Self-Fulfillment. Now, her passivity makes it difficult for her to be a widow because she no longer has someone to tell her how to live her life. Willa has long accepted her role as a wife and mother, putting her own goals and ambitions on hold: Her linguistics degree “had been sidelined by her first pregnancy” (92), and she even relied on Derek for transportation because Willa is “a nervous driver” and “never drove more than she had to” (89). Without Derek, Willa is lost in aimless grief. 

Willa has decided to be a mother in opposition to her own mother’s unpredictable emotional states: She wants to be a “predictable mother” and her “prime objective was to be taken for granted” (93). Willa wants her children to “never have to worry what sort of mood she was in” (93). Because of her own mother’s instability, Willa has overcompensated by being as yielding as possible for her sons, putting aside all her own desires, emotions, and pursuits. Now, while mourning, Willa continues to refuse to lean on her sons or ask them for emotional support, despite the fact that they are young adults. Her mistake is clear—by completely denying her sons the chance to feel needed, she has taken from them the feeling of satisfaction that she had as a child with responsibility. Instead, Sean and Ian have grown selfish and disaffected: They do not check in on their mother after their father’s funeral, opting instead to change into jeans and leave the house for dinner. Willa’s passive and predictable nature has led to one-sided relationships with her husband and her sons, developing the theme of The Drawbacks of Passivity. 

Willa’s passivity also makes it difficult for her to connect with Elaine. Though she “wasn’t happy about” Elaine’s arrangements to be in town only for the funeral, Willa excuses her sister’s rudeness as literal-mindedness: Willa “had to admit that her literal request had been for Elaine to come to the funeral, period” (84). Although Elaine has made no efforts to stay in touch with Willa, Willa also fails to reach out to Elaine, despite her “sense of missed chances” (89). Willa’s passivity makes it so Elaine is unaware of the fact that she’s neglecting Willa emotionally. 

Willa’s isolation and struggle with her grief also develop the theme of The Importance of Community. In the days following Derek’s death, we see that Willa has no friends of her own: The people who comfort her she met through Derek’s work. While these well-meaning acquaintances attend the funeral and bring casseroles to keep her from having to cook during this difficult time, none of them is a true confidant. Instead, what friends Willa has would rather not hear about Derek—they are “uncomfortable with death and pretended it hadn’t happened” (92). Willa “knew it was important to maintain her social connections” (92), but her lack of community in California fails her. The only solace she finds is in one-sided communing with strangers who are unaware of her presence: It helps her to “walk down a crowded sidewalk sometimes, or through a busy shopping mall, and reflect that almost everyone there had suffered some terrible loss [...] They were putting one foot in front of the other. Some were even smiling. It could be done” (94-95). Willa can only find communion in her imagination, not real-life sharing of pain and consolation—she imagines that all the happy, functional people in public spaces have lost loved ones too, but she has never learned how to be mutually and equally engaged with another person.