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Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of sexual content and substance use.
Raj visits a friend in Boston. He doesn’t mind Percy attending the wedding with Joe.
Percy meets Joe at the hotel where the wedding is taking place. Although the wedding is scheduled to start in several minutes, Joe pulls Percy into his room and tells her that he is ready for her. They have sex, and Joe confesses his love for Percy. Later, as they are dressing up to go to cocktails, Joe gives Percy a new CD of his work-in-progress. She enjoys her time at the wedding until she notes two girls watching her and Joe.
During the wedding dinner, Percy senses tension between Joe and Luke, the guitarist for Caroline. When Percy goes to the bathroom, one of the girls who was watching her approaches and introduces herself as Raina. She and her best friend Rebecca saw Caroline on tour and idolize Joe as a genius. Percy is tempted to test Raina’s knowledge of Caroline’s songs in order to embarrass her.
For the new couple’s first dance, Caroline is asked to perform “You Said Something” by PJ Harvey. Joe’s performance tries too hard to be faithful to the original version, and Percy feels secondhand embarrassment for him. The feeling dissipates when Caroline launches into their usual set, though Percy refuses to dance, feeling resentment for Raina. Her feelings turn bitter when the Caroline songs dredge up her emotional baggage with Joe. She is surprised when Caroline plays a cover of “Our House” by Graham Nash, which makes her interpretation of the song feel irrelevant. Percy finds herself missing Raj.
After the reception, Percy asks Joe why he told her that he was ready for her. He claims that he is bolder now and is no longer afraid of putting their relationship at risk. Percy then confronts him over Raina and Rebecca, insinuating that he had sex with them, too. She is angry that Joe wasn’t honest about his other relationships. Although he downplays his encounters with the two girls as one-night stands, he eventually admits that he has had sex with more than 10 women since he left Berkeley. Percy suggests that Joe didn’t want to sleep with her until he felt he could be good at sex. She then reminds him that she didn’t know anything about sex either when they met, and they should have been working through their awkwardness together. She becomes repulsed by the idea of having sex with him again. Joe makes excuses for the past, explaining that he wanted to initiate sex but felt that Percy wasn’t in the right mood. Finally, he argues that their having sex doesn’t count as cheating on Raj because Percy and Joe are meant to be together. This assertion stings Percy, who feels that Joe is undermining her happiness with Raj.
Percy claims that her relationship with Raj is serious and that Joe makes her feel small. On her way out of the hotel, she remembers that she left Joe’s CD in his room. When she goes up to retrieve it, he slips it under the door because he has another woman in his room. She breaks the CD and slides it back to Joe.
Because Raj is still away, Percy impulsively takes a bus to her family’s house in Indiana, surprising her parents, who were unable to prepare the house for her visit. Percy cannot stay in her room, which has been converted into a treadmill room, so she stays in her brother’s room and wonders why he grew up with more stability than she did.
Percy tells her mother about her situation, leaving out the part about the other woman in Joe’s hotel room. Percy’s mom observes that Percy is torn between two choices: a possible one and an impossible one. Because Percy chose the impossible one, she effectively refused to make a choice. She reassures Percy that it wasn’t necessarily the wrong choice.
Percy tells her mom that she doesn’t feel like she belongs in her writing program. She asks if her mother ever regretted making the safe choice to leave her life as a musician in New York for life in Indiana with Percy’s father. Percy’s mom believes that everyone naturally thinks about the choice they didn’t make, but that doesn’t mean she necessarily regrets her choices. Percy indicates that she wanted more, prompting her mother to point out that “more” is an ambiguous and abstract concept.
Raj emails Percy to say that he has returned to their apartment; he is wondering if she is okay since she didn’t leave any message for him. Percy answers at once, admitting that she is scared that he’ll hate her for the regretful things she did with Joe at the wedding. She ends the email by saying that she chooses and loves Raj.
Joe emails Percy to let her know that Funny Strange got a glowing review on a popular music blog. He makes an excuse for the other girl he had sex with on the night of the wedding, then sends her an online link to the song fragments, hoping that Percy still wants to be his friend and partner.
Raj writes an angry response to Percy’s email, offended by the notion that he should be happy that Percy chose him over Joe. If he had been put in the same situation, he wouldn’t have chosen Percy over his former lover because Percy is too preoccupied with insignificant things like song lyrics to focus on important matters. He is especially angry that Percy was vague about the things that she and Joe did at the wedding, as he is now forced to assume the worst.
Percy reports the outcome to her mother, who anticipated that Raj would break up with her. Recalling the piano lessons her mother used to give her, Percy accuses her mother of making her a “barren appreciator of music” (160). Percy’s mom tries to reassure her that being a musician isn’t that great because they have to force everything in their lives outward. Percy’s mom wanted her to focus inward and understand herself. She complains that Percy has chosen to direct her attention to pop music. Percy declares that love never gets to choose its object.
Percy shares that she has a co-writing credit on Caroline’s next album. She laments that Joe will never feel as conscious of himself as she does because boys are bolder when it comes to error. Percy’s mom recalls the cost of her life in Indiana: her friends in New York. She tells Percy that the kind of connection that resonates with her outsider status isn’t something a man can give her.
Percy realizes that her mom is telling her to close the door to the world that offers her something “more” than the contentment she already has. While going through her family’s CD collection, Percy is stunned to revisit “The Heart of the Matter” by Don Henley. As an adult, she can now appreciate its message about grown-up breakups. The song inspires her to think of forgiveness, but she doesn’t know where that forgiveness should come from and where it should go. She tries to reply to Raj and Joe’s emails but ends up deleting both drafts.
Percy returns to New York, deciding it would be costlier to drop out of her writing program. She writes an email to Zoe, apologizing for drifting apart; she also informs her of everything that has happened to her, up to her encounter with Joe at the wedding. She asks Zoe for advice.
Zoe writes back immediately, forgiving Percy and informing her that she will soon move back to the Bay Area. She encourages Percy to stop blaming herself for Harrison’s assault at the Interpol concert. She advises Percy to live boldly and shamelessly, and to forgive herself for her infidelity to Raj. Percy is especially amazed by this last instruction, never having considered forgiveness for herself. The email uplifts her mood. Percy continues to write to Zoe, asking for more specific advice.
Percy writes to Zoe about “Running Up That Hill” by Kate Bush and explains that the song is about wanting to swap places with someone in order to understand their experience. She wishes that she could swap places with Raj so that he could understand her and forgive her. Then she wishes that she could swap places with Joe so that she could consider forgiving him. Zoe replies that she cannot relate since she doesn’t have to worry about men anymore. She points out that she perfectly understands Percy’s actions and motivations.
Percy and Zoe switch to instant messaging, and Zoe accuses Percy of becoming sentimental. Percy rebuts that she isn’t actually sentimental because she found out that the object of her desire eventually disgusted her. Percy has always had the feeling of wanting to be Joe, and Zoe understands the reason for her disgust. Zoe suggests that if the memory of sex with Joe arouses her, then everything was worth it, and she got what she needed from Joe.
Over the next few days, Percy tests Zoe’s theory by remembering sex with Joe. This arouses her enough to masturbate, and her remaining anger towards Joe is mitigated by the knowledge that she is following Zoe’s advice. Percy writes an email to Joe, congratulating him on Caroline’s good review. She declines his invitation to work with him on new songs and reassures him that he won’t have to worry about dealing with her harshness anymore.
The novel jumps forward to 2005. Percy moves to San Francisco and becomes roommates with Zoe. They become obsessed with folk musician Joanna Newsom and go to see her show. Percy considers what she might write about the show for her blog, Walgreens Songs. The blog is a helpful outlet for her love of music, allowing her to focus on songs that her generation did not embrace. At the show, however, she spots a potential trendsetter in the audience and decides to give the person her professional contact details.
Percy now works as an “intelligence specialist” for a marketing agency that leverages trends to strengthen brands. Her job consists of recruiting trendsetters in San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, and Miami to provide feedback on the latest cultural trends. This job challenges her to perform a version of herself that is bold enough to approach strangers in bars.
When the show begins, Percy feels jealous of Joanna whenever she interacts with her friends and family in the front rows. When Zoe bumps into a college friend named Carlos, he shares a rumor that Caroline recently finished their album but has been stuck trying to write a new single to lead it. Percy is fixated on the rumor, so Zoe reminds her to enjoy the show.
Joanna plays Percy’s favorite song, “This Side of the Blue.” The song reminds Percy that everyone is doing their best wherever they have ended up, and this thought dissolves her jealousy. When Percy gets home, she writes a blog post thanking the song for freeing her from her aspiration to be like Joanna.
Percy goes on a work trip to Miami, which is one of the harder cities to visit because there are so few trendsetters outside of the panels she has already discovered. One of her trendsetters, Jesse Jams, invites her to Poplife, a Britpop-themed dance night. At Poplife, Percy recruits a student documentarian named Hannah who enjoys Britpop because she finds its songs more meaningful than other dance genres. Hannah believes that events like Poplife finally carve a space out for the people who felt like outsiders in high school, though she also thinks that this sentiment is embarrassing.
When “Mis-Shapes” by Pulp starts playing, Hannah pulls Percy to the dance floor to prove her point. Percy is shy to dance at first, but others join Hannah and encourage Percy to follow suit.
Later, Percy buzzes with excitement as she returns to the hotel, in love with Miami’s “weirdos.” When she gets to her room, she writes a blog post in praise of Britpop and its ability to capture the attitude required to survive the aughts in the United States. Percy doesn’t yet know that in a few years, the scene she inhabited tonight will eventually be christened “indie sleaze.” Still drunk in the early morning, she sends a link to her blog post to Jesse Jams, who reposts it on his Myspace page. Percy’s blog becomes more popular than ever.
Back in San Francisco, Percy gets an email from Luke Skinner, who informs her that he recently quit Caroline and is starting his own band. He asks if she can provide feedback on some of his songs. Percy laughs at the email and ignores it.
In 2006, Percy convinces Zoe to come with her to a soul-themed dance night. Percy’s blog has been steadily growing, but she finds that people prefer to read her reports about the dance floor rather than her analyses of various song lyrics. On the dance floor, they find Carlos and take ecstasy for the first time. Carlos later tells Percy that Caroline booked an appearance on a late-night talk show. As they dance, the drugs kick in, heightening Percy’s senses.
Percy shares the news about Caroline with Zoe. She admits that she can normally go days without thinking of Joe, but the thought occasionally still comes to her. Zoe suggests that Percy start dating again. Percy disagrees, though she has had a few false starts and one-night stands since her last encounter with Joe. She knows that her job often prevents her from enjoying social interactions for her own sake. Zoe encourages her to quit her job, but Percy likes the job and needs it to pay off her student loans.
After they get home, Percy tries to find online updates on Caroline, but her search turns up empty. She writes a brief new blog post entitled “Everybody Needs Somebody to Love.” The post is an ode to Zoe for accompanying Percy on Soul Night. Zoe is the person she has been giving her love to in the absence of a male partner. The next evening, Percy gets a thoughtful comment from a German reader named Alma, who praises the blog for capturing the way that music, unlike other art forms, infiltrates every aspect of life. Percy identifies Alma as her ideal reader.
In this stage of her life, Percy quickly realizes that having sex with Joe will not provide her with the resolution she was hoping for; instead, sex only complicates things when their Pursuit of Impossible Desire causes a rift that upsets The Dynamics of Criticism and Collaboration and keeps them apart for years. Ironically, Percy’s greatest complaint is not that Joe has been sleeping with other women. What upsets her the most is that he deceptively conveyed the idea that sex would be a way to release the tension they’d been feeling for years. Her discovery of his other relationships recontextualizes their encounter, making her realize that she is not special in the grand scope of Joe’s life. She is just another of the many girls he has slept with during his ascent to musical greatness, and it is clear that she, like them, will soon be left behind. In her irritation with Joe, Percy unwittingly destroys her relationship with Raj when she naïvely tries to ameliorate her own infidelity by assuring him that he is her choice. (Effectively, she is telling him that he is actually her second choice, and he responds accordingly.) These complex dynamics force Percy to reckon with the consequences of her own choices and reevaluate her stance on the overlapping arenas of romance and music.
The question of where Percy is supposed to channel her love continues to haunt her even through the final part of the novel. For example, in her blog post in Chapter 23, she muses, “[W]here do you put the love you make, if you’re all alone? You don’t give it to yourself, in my experience. You take it out with the trash every day until it slowly stops regenerating inside you… that is no damn way to live” (197-98). Although Zoe tries to convince Percy to date again, Percy insists that there must be more fulfilling ways to direct her love outwards, and she finally finds this outlet in the outsider music communities that she joyfully inhabits.
In this context, Poplife is framed as the kind of space that Percy was always looking for when she believed herself to be an outsider in college. Poplife allows the author to address the issue of Earnestness in the Age of Performative Cynicism, for it stands as the antithesis to the staff at Amoeba Music, who perform disinterest in music as a form of ironic posturing. Now, surrounded by the like-minded “weirdos” who are reluctant to accept their own popularity in the space they’ve created for themselves, Percy briefly satisfies a need that Joe could never meet with sex or validation. In fact, her experience at Poplife overrides the notion that she could ever be as unlovable or as small as Joe made her feel. The shift of Percy’s quest from interpersonal love to communal belonging is a significant step in her own Pursuit of Impossible Desire.
At the same time, these chapters make it increasingly clear that Percy’s fixation doesn’t just come from her attraction to Joe, but from her envy. In Chapter 20, she admits to wanting to switch places with Joe and be him for a while, a thought that makes her feel ashamed, given his moral duplicitousness. However, she continues to feel envy when she goes to see Joanna Newsom, and she must come to terms with the fact that her own musical aspirations are too big for her subpar technical skills to achieve. The next best thing she hoped for was to live parallel to a musician as great as Joe, inserting herself into the fabric of his life. Her desire to become a musician also represents an impossible ambition in her life, but Part 3 ultimately renders that ambition inert, as she is not actively writing music or working with musicians to improve their craft.
Instead, Percy finds herself doing sellout work. Although her job allows her to tap into her aesthetic judgment, her primary motivator is to earn money, and she therefore capitulates to the machine of commercialism. Zoe encourages her to quit the job because she perceives that it is preventing Percy from enjoying the things she would normally do for her own sake. If she were to be freed from the context of her job as an intelligence specialist, she could have become friends with Hannah and left thoughts of Joe behind in San Francisco. Instead, she is only in Miami on business and will inevitably have to leave.
In a sharp contrast to her job, her blog gives her an outlet to share her most authentic self with a genuinely appreciative audience. This contrast underscores the issue of Earnestness in the Age of Performative Cynicism. However, this dynamic still contains a fundamental issue. Because she now strives for the validation of her readers, she now faces the pressure of writing to satisfy their interests and continue earning their love.



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