Educated: A Memoir

Westover describes how her struggles intensified during her first semester at BYU. She was quickly running out of money and was not confident that she would pass her classes. Even if she did, she did not know how she would afford to come back to school. When she looked up the requirements for a scholarship online, she imagined she would never be able to get one because her GPA would not be high enough.

After miserably failing an essay-style exam in her Western Civilization course, Westover wanted to talk to someone about it. She called home hoping to talk to her mom. Gene answered instead and asked Westover how school was. She told him it was not going well, and she “had no idea it would be this hard” (171). Westover expected him to chastise her, but he was reassuring instead. Near tears, Westover said it would not be okay. She would never be able to get a scholarship and probably would not even be able to pass her classes. Gene told her not to worry too much and to just focus on trying to be happy: “Come on home if you need” (171). Even though things had been tense between them, Westover was grateful for her father’s help that night.

On the next Western Civilization test in March, Westover tried studying with flashcards and asked Vanessa, her friend from class, for help studying. Vanessa told her to try studying from the textbook. Westover was confused and said, “I don’t have a textbook” (172). Vanessa insisted she did, holding up her own copy. Westover recognized the book and said she looked at the pictures in it, but Vanessa asked why she did not read it. Westover did not understand why she would need to read the textbook in a class on music and art, explaining: “I thought we were just supposed to look at the pictures” (172). Despite her initial confusion, Westover read the textbook, which proved to be extremely helpful. By the end of the semester, she was making As in the course, and when the professor decided to drop the first test grade, she was no longer failing. 

Westover remembers her first trip home to Buck’s Peak for the summer. Gene expected her to work in the junkyard, but Westover vowed she would get a job in town. This angered Gene: “This is your family. You belong here” (174). Despite Gene’s admonishment, Westover got a job at the supermarket in town. When she got home from working a 10-hour shift, Westover found her clothes thrown out on the front lawn. She picked up her clothes, took them inside, and called Tyler to ask for help, to which he responded: “What do you want me to do?” (176). Even though Tyler likely truly meant something more positive—“What can I do to help?”—Westover felt like a burden. She hung up with Tyler, called the supermarket and quit, and went back to work for Gene the next day.

Back at the junkyard, Westover fell into her old routines and ways of thinking easily. The only thing that was different was Shawn. He seemed calm and at peace with himself, no longer angry and violent. Another change involved Charles, the boy from theater rehearsals who admired Westover’s singing voice years earlier. Westover and Shawn saw him while attending a play at the opera house in town one night, and he asked Westover out. They went out frequently after that, and Westover even bought new clothes and started primping before seeing Charles. One evening when she came home from seeing Charles, Westover used her mom’s computer to check if her grades from BYU were posted yet. She found that she earned As in every subject except Western Civilization and could get a scholarship for half her tuition.

Throughout the summer, Westover and Charles continued going out. Although she liked him, she struggled with some of their differences. For instance, he criticized her parents for not giving her a proper education, and Westover did not know how to respond. When Charles tried to hold her hand one evening, she jerked away because his touch made her feel like a “whore” (180). She tried to sit as far away from him as possible while they watched a movie so that she could avoid him touching her. When he moved closer to her, she inched away. Charles finally understood what was happening with Westover, and he moved to sit on the floor so that she could have her space. 

Westover portrays memories of the difficulties of being home that summer. Charles was her first friend from the “normal” people’s world, but she was unable to reconcile his world with hers. She avoided introducing him to her parents and tried to hide her life at home from him as much as possible. Gene said she was becoming “uppity” (182). He knew she would rather be bagging groceries than working in the junkyard, and that she would rather be back at BYU than at home. On the work site, he gave her strange, menial tasks to remind her where she belonged. Shawn hardened towards her too. Instead of fighting constantly, Gene and Shawn were united in their disgust with the new Westover.

Shawn started hanging around in the front yard in the evenings while Westover waited for Charles to pick her up. He taunted her loudly and made mean jokes about her appearance while Charles was within earshot. Charles never responded. In Westover’s world with Charles, Buck’s Peak disappeared.

Back on the work site, Shawn was in fine form. He had taken to calling Westover different names, like “wench” and “Wilbur” (183), the pig from Charlotte’s Web. One day, Westover accidentally wiped streaks of black grease all over her face. Shawn gleefully called her “nigger” (184). Westover was not surprised by this; Shawn had called her this before, and she had heard her father say it. But after her semester at BYU, the word sounded different to her. Her American history course taught her a new version of the history of slavery, a darker version. In fact, her American history course taught her a new version of most of American and world history. She heard the names Rosa Parks, Emmett Till, and Martin Luther King, Jr. for the first time ever.

Reflecting on everything she had learned, Westover told Shawn not to call her that because he did not know what it meant. Shawn blithely said, “Sure I do. You’ve got black all over your face, like a nigger!” (186). Shawn called her that for the rest of the summer. It was clear he was doing it to humiliate her, but all it did was remind Westover about the atrocities of slavery and the ignorance of her family, and it motivated her to get back to BYU. She also began to understand systemic racism and the insidiousness of traditions that uphold white supremacy. She saw her family’s role in upholding these traditions and vowed never to participate in them again. 

Westover details her memory of her last day of summer at Buck’s Peak. Gene paid her for working for him all summer the day before she went back to BYU. It was not the total amount that he had promised her, but it covered half her tuition.

When Charles picked Westover up for their last afternoon together, she said she had a terrible earache. He asked if she took any medicine, and she said she had taken an herbal remedy. At Charles’s house, he tried to give her over-the-counter medicine, explaining: “This is what people take for pain” (189). She replied, “Not us” (189), to which Charles countered: “Who is this us? […] You’re leaving tomorrow. You’re not one of them anymore” (189). But Westover’s mother had always told her medical drugs were poisonous. Charles kept pushing, assuring her: “It’s normal” (189). Westover tentatively took the pills; her earache quickly disappeared. She did not want to believe that the medicine worked and wished the earache would come back to prove that the medicine was a sham after all.

When it was time for Westover to head back to BYU, she loaded her things into a family car that was sitting in the front yard and drove to Utah. She figured that the cost of the car would make up the difference in the wages Gene owed her for the summer. After spending the summer with Charles and getting used to his normal behavior, Westover had an easier time getting along with her new roommates and followed their rules for cleaning and hygiene without complaint. Her classes went more smoothly too, with the exception of algebra. She was lost during the professor’s lectures and failed the midterm in October.

Westover was so stressed and sleep deprived from her attempts to make sense of her algebra course that she developed stomach ulcers. She refused to see a doctor; when she talked to Charles, he said her behavior was “self-destructive” and that she “had an almost pathological inability to ask for help” (191). If she would not see a doctor, he insisted she should at least talk to her algebra professor and ask for help. When she talked to the professor, he admitted that lots of students were failing the course. He decided to allow anyone who achieved a perfect score on the final to get an A in the course. Westover was determined to get that perfect score. She called Charles again and told him she was coming home for Thanksgiving and would need him to tutor her.