Fearless

“A laugh threatens to slip past my numb lips. It’s not as though she hadn’t promised to be my ruin, hadn’t already become my demise. She is the single most destructive thing I have ever desired, and yet, it is the diamond on her finger that will destroy me.”

Kai uses figurative language to capture his intense feelings for Paedyn. Diction including “demise,” “destructive,” and “destroy” affect a violent, tempestuous mood. Kai experiences internal turmoil when he sees the engagement ring that Kitt Azer recently put on Paedyn’s finger, and this internal monologue captures his attempt to reconcile with this new, painful reality.

“Kitt has every right to hate me after I killed his tyrant of a father, but he needs me. Together we could save this kingdom from more than just ruin. We could liberate it from the segregation that has plagued this land for decades. Perhaps, without Edric here to feed his son lies and prey and that insatiable need for approval, Kitt will be able to think clearly for the first time.”

Paedyn’s self-reflection underscores her willingness to make sacrifices for the sake of her kingdom. She uses a heartfelt, insistent tone in this passage, which develops her character by highlighting her empathetic, sacrificial nature. At the same time, this passage foreshadows the later revelations about Kitt’s true plans for Ilya with Paedyn’s reference to his “insatiable need for approval” from Edric, who championed the annihilation of all Ordinaries.

“‘I don’t want this to come between us,’ Kitt ventures cautiously. ‘I want things to be as they once were—us against every opposition. Brothers again.’ I open my mouth to tell him—The door swings open. I don’t even need to turn around. The mere presence of her is familiar, branded into the hollow of my neck where her head rests, tethered to my ankle and forever tugging me toward her.”

Kai’s attachment to Paedyn, which manifests here physically as he feels her “tugging” him, complicates his relationship with Kitt. Kitt’s lines of dialogue convey his desperation to preserve the relationship he has with Kai, while the truncated line of narration that follows, fragmented by the em-dash, illustrates Paedyn’s intrusion upon the brothers’ relationship—she physically enters the space and interrupts their conversation just as she is emotionally coming between them. Kai is caught between his love for and loyalty to Kitt and his love for and loyalty to Paedyn. While he and Kitt are brothers and childhood best friends, Kai feels as if Paedyn is “branded into the hollow of his neck” and “tethered to his ankle,” metaphors that evoke notions of permanence and entrapment.

“The smell alone tells me that we have arrived at Loot Alley. I never thought I’d miss the stench of fish, sweat, and bodily fluids, but here I am, smiling despite it. The wide market street hums with life and vibrance. Merchants haggle behind their carts while children weave around them, evading shouting mothers. All of it is perfectly untouched. Perfectly as it was when I was struggling to survive within it.”

Paedyn’s return to Loot Alley triggers memories of her past. In this passage, she describes the setting using descriptive language and sensory detail. Such details include her references to the “smell,” “fish,” “sweat,” and “fluids” she encounters while there. She also employs verbs like “hums,” “haggle,” “weave,” “evading,” and “struggling,” which animate the scene and enact its comprehensive sensory effect on her. This highlights the environment’s importance to her past, illustrating that it will play an important role in her journey through Confronting Grief and Trauma to Move Forward.

“Pretend. Pretend that the Enforcer hadn’t tried to free me before our trek to the castle. Pretend our time spent together didn’t bring us impossibly closer. Pretend he isn’t the fate I foolishly hoped to earn.”

Paedyn’s use of repetition, anaphora, and fragmentation enacts the frantic quality of her attempts to quash her feelings for Kai. She repeats the word “pretend” four times and begins each sentence with it. This formal technique affects an insistent, determined tone; Paedyn is trying to convince herself that she doesn’t care for Kai because she feels responsible for saving her kingdom.

“My fingers find that damning ring, slipping it off even as my mouth moves against hers. She makes a sound of protest against my lips that has my heartbeat quickening, but I manage to grab her other wrist from where it’s buried in my hair. Before she can stop me, I’ve pushed the band onto the finger of her right hand. ‘There. Now it’s just a ring. No vows attached.’”

Paedyn’s engagement ring, a symbol of the sacrifice of her own needs for the greater good, disrupts this scene of intimacy between Paedyn and Kai. This passage is written from Kai’s first-person point of view and reveals how he perceives the ring. Although he and Paedyn are kissing and touching each other, he can’t stop thinking about the “damning ring.” His act of moving it to “her right hand” shows how he is trying to deny the truth of their circumstances.

“It is cruel, not being able to call him mine after everything we’ve endured. Perhaps in another life, I am strong enough to never need proof of it. Perhaps in another life, I am brave enough to confess that I love him. Perhaps in another life, I learn to love him from afar. And that is the most fearless thing of them all.”

Letting Kai go is one of the hardest things Paedyn has to do along her character arc toward self-empowerment, illustrating how Personal Growth Through Challenge is an essential component of that journey. The passage has a melancholy, bittersweet tone as Paedyn imagines an alternate version of reality where she and Kai might be together, a mental game that helps her survive the present.

“When the red fades from my vision, I let his limp body fall to my feet. Adena’s warmth returns shyly, as though her very memory does not recognize the creature I’ve become. I’m shaking, every part of me trembling in fear of what I’ve done. In fear of myself.”

Paedyn’s act of violence during the Trials challenges her sense of self as she tries to confront grief and trauma to move forward. When she kills the bandits after emerging from the caves, she is haunted by reminders of her violent past and feels so guilty that she refers to herself as a “creature” rather than a person. She is afraid of herself and the violence she’s capable of and thus worries that she is failing Adena’s memory. The allusions to both her guilt and her late best friend underscore Paedyn’s unresolved internal unrest at this juncture of the novel.

“Fear pulls at his features, and when he dares to meet my gaze, I’m forced to once again wonder why I ever bother looking at anyone else. Those icy eyes drag over my body, feeling heavier than a touch, more meaningful than a word. I revel in his reverence. That is, until it lands on the fingers I’ve laced between his brother’s. […] So he looks away. He turns. He strides from the throne room. And I can feel myself beginning to drift without him to anchor me.”

Paedyn’s use of figurative and descriptive language reiterates her intense feelings for Kai. She describes Kai’s gaze as a heavy touch—a metaphor that conjures notions of weight. She also remarks on her and Kitt’s intertwined fingers, indicating a shift in perspective as she sees herself through Kai’s eyes. The latter lines of the passage in turn reiterate Paedyn’s fear of losing Kai—she is not only in love with him but also regards him as her “anchor,” an image that evokes notions of stability.

“I do this for her. Every dance. Every smile. She seems so much more alive away from Ilya, away from the reminder of everything she is not. But out here, even surrounded by Elites, we are all at the mercy of the sea. I think she finds comfort in that. So I spin her in the moonlight. Smile when she laughs at my expense. And let her step on my toes.”

Kai and Paedyn’s trip across the Shallows Sea offers them perspective on their lives back in Ilya and a respite from scrutiny. Out on the open water, they can “dance,” “smile,” and “laugh” in ways they don’t feel free to do back at the castle. This scene has a liberated, uninhibited mood and, written from Kai’s perspective, also reveals the way he sees Paedyn. He is attuned to her every movement, which reiterates his love for her.

“She turns away, leaving me to watch her glide toward the door. ‘Oh, and Paedyn?’ She turns, her long fingers wrapped around the handle. ‘Don’t fear power. Wield it. Perhaps even let it control you.’ The queen smiles sharply. ‘Being an Ordinary is not what makes you weak. It’s your heart.’”

Queen Zailah’s advice to Paedyn during her time in Izram contributes to her journey to confront grief and trauma to move forward. Zailah can see Paedyn’s strength even though Paedyn still doubts herself at this juncture of the novel. She offers Paedyn encouragement, and Paedyn values her wisdom as a queen and thus an ideal archetypal guide for her.

“This should not upset me, their closeness with each other. They are engaged, after all, and speaking civilly is the tamest of actions. But I cannot seem to shake the gnawing envy in my gut, the jealousy that flares with every look shared and word exchanged. It’s tiresome, this turmoil between love for my brother and love for his betrothed.”

Kai’s internal monologue reiterates his internal conflict throughout the novel to reconcile his relationships with Paedyn and Kitt. His enduring love for Paedyn hasn’t changed despite her engagement to Kitt, but seeing his lover and brother together causes Kai emotional distress. He tries to rationalize their relationship but can’t “shake the gnawing envy in his gut.” This figurative language vivifies Kai’s outwardly invisible emotions.

“This realization stings slightly, a reminder of everything I no longer am. So much of myself lives within these streets, both the broken and the resilient. Adena lives here, on every warm breeze and colorful banner. Her name is written across the stones I step on, and I let her soft presence lead me back home.”

Paedyn must return to Loot Alley again as she continues her journey to confront and overcome her past. The setting is an emblem of her past life and evokes an intense emotional response from her. Returning to the Loot reminds her of her former self and all that she’s lost, but she knows that confrontation is the answer—fleeing will only cause her grief and fear to fester. She summons Adena’s “warm” presence to find the strength to confront her trauma and loss.

“Edric thinks no more of the daughter he doomed to death. Rather, Iris’s end by something as weak as an Ordinary only enflames his hatred for them. And he will stop at nothing until his kingdom is rid of every last one. They were a mistake he is determined to remedy.”

The third-person narrator inhabits the late King Edric’s consciousness to provide insight into the narrative past. This scene fleshes out what happened to Paedyn after her birth and why Edric sought her destruction. The passage in turn reiterates Edric’s role as the antagonist—his abuse and violence continue to impact the main characters in the present.

“I can feel the exact moment my heart shatters. It’s when I turn, my eyes crashing into ones well memorized. When mist meets the deepest sea. When a Shadow faces its Flame. When inevitability meets its end. When I stare into the face of what it is I love most.”

Paedyn’s use of fragmentation, anaphora, and figurative language enacts her shock upon seeing that she must battle Kai to death. She says that her heart “shatters” and that her eyes are “crashing” into Kai’s—imagery that evokes notions of destruction and echoes Paedyn’s distress. The references to the sea, shadows, and flames also reiterate the inherent bond that Paedyn and Kai share—their love is so strong that it has elemental force.

“I am utterly alone. There is nothing left. Not within myself or the world beyond. Trapped in this room, I am forced to face the reality. Forced to face the gaping loneliness within me. My very being is decaying, and love is the culprit. Love has killed every person I care about.”

Paedyn’s internal monologue in the wake of her final Trial enacts her distress over losing Kai. She is convinced that she has just killed Kai in the Bowl—this belief makes her feel “gaping loneliness” and as if her very “being is decaying.” This figurative language affects a despairing tone, which mirrors Paedyn’s weakened emotional state.

“I’ve never seen something so beautiful, so bold, so blatantly right for me, for this kingdom, this hope of a united Ilya. And I fear I may forever be in awe of her. Looking at Paedyn Gray, I see a reckless sort of fearlessness, a power that swells from her vibrant soul.”

The way that Kai describes Paedyn reiterates the enduring power of their love. Although Kai and Paedyn can’t be together, Kai doesn’t stop revering her. He doesn’t only love her when she’s his; he loves her because she’s innately “beautiful,” “bold,” “reckless,” and “fearless.” His point of view offers perspective on Paedyn’s character, reiterating her strength even when she feels weak.

“It is my last day of freedom. Though, I haven’t had much of that as of late. […] I am to be queen, after all. I am to be queen. Ellie cleans up my dishes—I tell her not to. I am to be queen. Further dread my wedding. I am to be queen.”

Paedyn repeatedly tells herself that she is going to be the queen because she is trying to convince herself of this new truth. Her use of repetition affects a desperate, determined tone. She is reminding herself of who she is in an attempt to orient to her new reality. At the same time, her use of repetition conveys her fear and trepidation; she doesn’t know if she wants this position but knows that she’s bound by duty to accept it.

“This is duty, I remind myself. This is hope for the future and forgiveness of the past. This is sacrifice. One foot in front of the other. My chest heaves. I do not want this. Kitt reaches for my hand. I do not love him. I hesitate. My heart stutters, begging me to damn sacrifice and choose selfishness. Choose Kai. Choose love.”

Paedyn’s internal monologue during her and Kitt’s first wedding ceremony affects a hesitant, resistant tone. Paedyn realizes that marrying Kitt isn’t what she wants and thus experiences a physiological response when she walks down the aisle. Her “chest heaves” and her “heart stutters,” physical phenomena that capture her fear of accepting this fate.

“I take a shuddering breath before lifting the photograph in front of my face. Her nose is dusted with freckles. I stare at the queen. She stares up at me. Blood claims blood. And when I look at Iris Moyra, the late and beloved queen of Ilya, I see a shade of her coursing through my veins. And blood never forgets. The parchment flutters to the bed as I press a steadying hand to my thumping heart. This is absurdity.”

Paedyn’s discovery regarding her mother’s identity is a plot twist that intensifies the narrative stakes and tension. Paedyn is so shocked by the revelation that she is a royal descendant that she drops the image while her heart thumps. This moment marks a turning point in the overall narrative plot line and Paedyn’s character arc; learning the truth about her origins is an important step to claiming her identity.

“‘She killed our father—my mother. She is the wedge that will drive us apart.’ I can see the shadow of jealousy on his face, the same darkness that falls over him when Paedyn is near. But I realize now that it is not envy for the Silver Savior on display, but envy of her. She has me, and Kitt hates it.”

Kitt’s lines of dialogue reveal his hatred for Paedyn and the more nefarious truth about his plans for Ilya. He regards Paedyn as an interloper and a threat to his and Kai’s relationship. Kai is trying to adjust to this revelation by studying his brother. His description of Kai’s face as jealous and dark underscores Kitt’s complex emotional state with outward physical detail, heightening the conflict between the three primary characters.

“I am numb. I am dead beside him but cursed to keep living. Grief is my equal. Misery is a mirror. I call sorrow by its name and speak my own. My head falls back with a roar of agony. My brother. My brother. My brother.”

Kai’s use of poetic language affects a mournful, elegiac tone. These lines have a lyrical quality that mimics the tenor of a traditional lament. Kai compares himself to “grief,” likens his reflection to that of “misery,” and takes “sorrow” as his own name, fully inhabiting his devastation. This figurative language enacts the intensity of Kai’s distress in the immediate wake of Kitt’s death.

“And then we dance. Paedyn is spinning in my arms, laughing in the spitting rain. The hem of her dress is muddy, but she can’t seem to take her eyes off me long enough to notice. I push wet hair from her face, straighten her crown of roses, hold the hand that now wears my brother’s ring. We cling to each other while shadowed figures dance around us. Laughter envelops our swaying forms, warming us despite the chilled rain.”

The image of Paedyn and Kai dancing at their wedding affects a joyous, celebratory mood. Although it’s raining, the lovers are “spinning,” “swaying,” and “laughing” together. This moment encapsulates their happy ending; finally, Paedyn and Kai have gotten the fate they’ve longed for. Life is not without setbacks and challenges, illustrated via the rain and mud, but they will survive it together, gaining strength from the power of love.