How to Giggle: A Guide to Taking Life Less Seriously

“I decided to message one of the founders, pitching myself to them, and to my surprise I was asked to come in for a meeting. I was so proud of myself for even messaging them and taking a chance. Sometimes you don’t notice how fearless you can be until it’s done.”

DeSorbo uses an example from her own career to encourage readers to face their fears. Being fearless is one way to Embrace Delusion to Pursue Your Dreams. DeSorbo took a chance in her work life and encountered a surprising opportunity as a result.

“After we were live for an hour, we couldn’t wait to do it again. We decided we wanted to go live every single night at ten. We felt a community like we had never felt before. Who were all these people joining these Lives to giggle with us about nothing? We knew what we had to call it. Giggly Squad. It felt so right.”

Berner and DeSorbo’s description of how Giggly Squad began underscores that life brings constant surprises. The authors didn’t have a specific plan when they started their online conversations, but sharing their talks online created community and encouraged laughter and joy. Readers looking to take risks to make connections and advance their work might similarly use social media as a tool to create positive change.

“We would also argue that if you see life as just a bunch of bits, it can be easier to chase your dreams. Whenever you are scared to do something, stop taking life so seriously—it’s just a bit!”

The authors recommend regarding life as an ongoing comedy sketch in order to see the humor in life. By treating life as a series of comedic jokes or scenes, one can laugh more often and enjoy oneself along the way. Particularly when experiences are scary, turning them into a bit can make them less intimidating.

“Bits are a form of manifestation. If you are constantly joking about being broke or messy or forgetful or stupid or ugly, then you can feel stuck in that energy. Self-deprecation is a great bit, but use it sparingly because there are many more bits you can do that don’t degrade your true self.”

The authors recommend embracing positive bits that reinforce your sense of self. While Berner and DeSorbo do promote laughing at yourself, they also encourage self-love. For instance, rather than telling themselves that they are “forgetful,” “stupid,” or “ugly,” readers might call themselves “talented,” “smart,” and “capable.”

“But we get it, your delusional dreams still seem super big and scary. That’s when you write out your goal and then deconstruct it into smaller, more attainable goals that will lead you there. Your dream can be specific or generic and open to change, as long as it brings you joy.”

Berner and Desorbo recommend recording goals as one embraces delusion to pursue dreams. The more “delusional” dreams seem, the more “big and scary” they might appear. Breaking dreams into smaller steps makes them more accessible.

“Delusion is supposed to have a negative connotation, like calling a woman crazy or too confident. But when you own it, it becomes your superpower. Also, plot twist, if there aren’t people hating on your life, you may not be delusional enough!”

To empower oneself to embrace delusion, one must first talk back to the cultural understanding of delusion as negative. The authors reframe the word by likening it to terms often wielded in sexist ways, encouraging readers to reclaim this language and dream as big as they want. They also urge readers to disregard negative feedback on the way, as this is a sign that they’re doing something right.

“We are kind of obsessed with the idea that your life can improve with the right mindset. Obviously there are many obstacles, opportunities, and random shit life throws at you, but learning about what brings you joy is the first step.”

The authors acknowledge the harder parts of life while underscoring the key takeaways to see the humor in life and to Be True to Yourself. Life is difficult, but there are always opportunities for joy, provided one understands what makes one happy. This mindset can make one feel stronger and more capable of overcoming challenges.

“I truly think a big part of succeeding is being naive enough to believe you can do things, having ideas of grandeur, having expectations of yourself and speaking them into existence.”

Positive self-talk and a hopeful outlook on life are important to achieving one’s goals. Naivety, “ideas of grandeur,” and self-expectations are ways to embrace delusion to pursue dreams. The authors urge readers to identify what they want and to be brave enough to tell themselves that it’s possible.

“We are multifaceted beings with a wide range of emotions, and as we’ve gotten older, we’ve learned how to embrace our emotions, fears, and anxieties. Once you stop letting your anxiety control you, the world is your oyster and you don’t need to get a lobotomy (even though that does sound quite peaceful).”

Acknowledging anxiety or fear is the first step toward overcoming discomfort. The authors own their emotional experiences but don’t let these emotions dictate what they can and cannot do. For example, when anxiety feels encompassing, talking back to it (“that’s just my anxious brain”) is an important way to create space and boost confidence.

“Over time I’ve learned that I don’t enjoy large groups, parades, big dinners, or parties in general. At first I thought that something was wrong with me, but I learned that I can only be in those situations in small doses because it drains my social battery fast. […] Once I realized that I don’t have to do what other people consider ‘fun,’ I started being happier.”

Berner uses an example from her own life to show how to be true to oneself. When Berner stopped chastising herself for not enjoying the things other people enjoyed, she discovered her own preferences. Similarly, a woman who feels social pressure to marry and have children by a particular age may find that this route doesn’t suit her; embracing this will allow her to focus on what does bring her joy, whether that’s her career, travel, or something else.

“We are going to feel anxious when we challenge ourselves and try to accomplish hard things. We are human, and that’s what makes life interesting. […] Feel your feelings, embrace them, and you will get through them.”

Berner encourages readers to be true to themselves by claiming their internal experience and accepting it as a part of their humanity. Emotions might feel all-encompassing, but when one embraces rather than fights them, the feelings often become easier to navigate.

“The internet can be a cesspool of hate and pile-ons. Even if there are thousands of comments being mean to a celebrity or an influencer, there is no need to add negativity to these situations. The energy you put out into the world comes right back to you, so use the internet to create and spread positivity.”

Using the internet in a mature way is one step people can take to Prioritize Healthy Relationships. The authors urge readers to rise above the negativity that often characterizes online interactions, arguing that cruel and kind comments alike ultimately come back to the person who made them. Moreover, by choosing kindness, people may even make new connections.

“Fashion is so many things: self-expression and, at the same time, a sense of community. Bonding with someone over the love of a pair of shoes or a jacket may sound frivolous, but I see it as something that can connect me to other people.”

Taking pride in and experimenting with personal style is another way to be true to oneself. The authors argue that fashion is about more than simply what one wears; it’s a way to communicate identity and form connections with others. Rethinking style can therefore help people access different parts of themselves or even make new friendships.

“But, if you want to start a real fitness routine, we support you. The fitness world can be very intimidating, so we did some research on what kind of workouts fitness influencers are posting about and you can decide for yourself what’s best for you.”

The authors acknowledge that exercise can be daunting even as they note its benefits. They urge readers who feel overwhelmed by contemporary society’s myriad fitness routines to test out a few options until they find one that makes sense for their personality and body. This is another way to be true to oneself by paying attention to one’s needs and acting accordingly.

“When all of your decisions are based around men, you betray yourself. When your biggest goal is to find a man and you believe that will bring you happiness, you feel an insane amount of pressure to meet someone, text the right things, act in the ‘appropriate’ ways, and do anything you can to lock a man down. We love having men around, but we don’t need them.”

The authors encourage readers to Decenter Men to Focus on Personal Growth. They argue that if a relationship requires compromising one’s values, dictates how one spends one’s time or makes decisions, or stands in the way of one’s goals, it’s time to make a change. The book stresses that women’s value isn’t dependent on relationships with men, whether platonic, sexual, or romantic.

“The patriarchy is structured for you to believe that you are only worthy or happy when a man wants to be with you—but that is a big fat lie. The secret to happiness and worthiness starts with you.”

To achieve growth and happiness, the authors argue, women should put themselves first. Society teaches women that their worth depends on being with a man and/or pursuing heterosexual romantic relationships. The authors stress otherwise, emphasizing the importance of decentering men to focus on personal growth. By doing this, women can discover their value as individuals and find happiness within themselves.

“Making friends is not straightforward, and you will have a lot of different friends throughout your life. Sometimes you will feel like you have too many friends, and sometimes you will feel like you have no friends. In our experience, quality over quantity is important.”

The authors encourage readers to prioritize healthy relationships to find lasting contentment. While finding friends can be overwhelming and challenging, spending time with like-minded people is vital to happiness. For readers who may feel stressed about the prospect of weeding friends out or making new friends, the authors emphasize that having a few close friends is better than having a large friend group that drains one.

“Your best friend wants the best for you and will always be honest with you. She is not hurting your feelings but rather helping you always look your best.”

To prioritize healthy relationships, the authors recommend fostering connections with people who speak candidly. The best friendships are founded on openness and authenticity. If a friend is offering advice, it’s a sign of trust and an indication that they’re looking out for one’s best interests. This is one green flag in making sustainable connections.

“We do not have the time to raise our boyfriend. I don’t care how much of a caretaker you are, it is not your job to take care of his entire life. Even if it feels nice at first to cook for him or clean up after him or do his laundry, eventually you are going to resent him. We don’t have time to live our own lives and also be entirely responsible for his life.”

The authors stress the importance of dating men who are responsible and mature as part of prioritizing healthy relationships. Even if readers see themselves as empathetic and giving, the men they’re seeing shouldn’t expect mothering. Healthy romantic relationships are based on reciprocity and balance, so the authors urge readers to remember that their lives are just as important as their boyfriends’.

“Sex can sometimes be good, but it can also be weird, awkward, and embarrassing. Once you can accept that it’s okay that things aren’t always perfect in bed, you can actually relax a little and maybe even have an orgasm, if you’re lucky!”

The authors challenge romanticized cultural representations of sex as part of their efforts to see the humor in life. By embracing the messy, strange aspects of being intimate with someone, people can relax and have more fun. By contrast, pressuring oneself to be “perfect in bed” sets an impossible standard that will only create anxiety.

“Flirting is a great skill to have because you can feel confident when making the first move because sometimes the person you think is attractive is shy, terrified, and scared. Also, most important, flirting is fun and silly and so not serious. Putting yourself out there can be intimidating, but once you get the hang of it, it’s easy. Why wait for someone to choose you?”

The authors recommend flirting as another way to see the humor in life and to be true to oneself. Culture conditions heterosexual women to wait for men to approach them, but the authors stress the power of making the first move. Doing so is a way to feel strong and confident, and to act on what one wants. Even if nothing comes of the flirting, it’s harmless and fun—another “bit.”

“If I ever have a daughter, I want to emphasize to her that her worth is not in being pretty, or being agreeable, or being liked by boys. […] I want her to find value in kindness, strength, and intelligence. […] I want her to know that she can be anything she wants, but also that it’s okay to not know what you want.”

Berner challenges cultural notions that women’s value lies in their relationships with men and in their appearance. Instead, women should value themselves for their character traits and their strength. Standing up for oneself, using one’s voice, and following one’s passions are ways to take ownership of one’s experience and feel pride in one’s identity.

“It’s great to be proactive and go for things, but if it is too forced, sometimes that is a sign that it’s not meant for you, and that’s okay. If you try to control everything around you, it’s super stressful and you can find yourself on the wrong path. It’s scary to let things unfold, but sometimes those things are the most beautiful.”

The authors suggest that life requires giving up the illusion that one can control everything. This is a key step readers can take to see the humor in life, as the more forced something like a relationship or job is, the more uncomfortable it will feel. Instead, readers should strive to open themselves to life’s surprises, hilarity, and beauty.