I Was Anastasia: A Novel

“She has gotten here, she has survived, by always doing the thing that needs to be done.”

Anna’s reflection, as she has reached a place of relative safety with Jack Manahan and is reaching the end of her protracted court case, suggests that her choices have always been motivated by survival. Lawhon establishes tension and suspense around the events of Anna’s life by telling Anna’s narrative backwards in chronological time. This technique traces the evolution of her sense of self and her decisions.

“He is the recipient of a terrible, divine inheritance and I do not know how to explain that he cannot command this trouble away.”

In Anastasia’s reflection on her brother, the juxtaposition of “terrible” and “divine” reflects the burden of Alexey’s supposed future station as tsar, with  the word “terrible” foreshadowing his doom. This is a parallel to Anna’s masquerade as Anastasia: While it provides her many benefits and new friends, it is also a moral burden.

“Her visible scars suggest there might be an interesting story involved. But the ones hidden beneath her clothes tell the grisly truth of what happened to her all those years ago.”

Several of the connections between Anna and Anastasia are left open to interpretation, creating suspense about whether Anna really is who she claims to be. One such question is whether Anna’s scars are evidence of Anastasia’s attempted murder. Anna’s scars are symbols of the trauma that unite both women, building on the theme of the Persistent Effects of Trauma.

“For a moment he looks like a god, tall and strong and surrounded by light. […] But then he steps forward and I realize that he is not at all the man I have known. Or perhaps he is simply a man and not the emperor I remember him to be.”

Anastasia’s shifting perception of her father when he returns to the palace under guard captures his fall in station. Lawhon uses this image to signal the profound change in the world order brought about by the Russian Revolution. The moment of deification (“god”) to disillusionment (“simply a man”) also highlights the novel’s theme of The Foundations of Identity, showing that identity is constructed through circumstance and perception.

“Soundlessly her father laughs, then scoops her up, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. The look on little Anastasia Romanov’s face is one of peace and delight. It is the look of a child who is loved and secure and completely free of pain and fear.”

The film footage that the producer shows Anna provides a peek into the history of Anastasia’s childhood but also depicts a moment of happiness that, within the narrative, neither Anna nor Anastasia actually experiences. This film is one of many tests set before Anna over the course of her life as others try to determine her identity as Anastasia, but the images of peace, safety, and love represent what Anna longs to have.

“Anna hates photographers. She hates cameras pointed at her and the bright, startling snap of a flashbulb. But most of all she hates giving statements to the press. They always want to know how she feels, and Anna always wants to poke them in the eye with a freshly sharpened pencil.”

This passage shows Anna’s combative, independent nature and her dislike of attention. This is a paradox, given her claim that puts her in the public eye. It shows her nervousness that others may define—or discover—her identity. The image of the pencil signals that Anna is prickly, sharp, and quick to go on the attack.

“The only thing she wants to know is why Anna tried to kill herself. The irony of this is impossible to escape. One of the worst moments of Anna’s life has become one of the most interesting things about her.”

The discussion between Ingrid Bergman and Anna draws a parallel between how they are both actors, and they are both exploring the persona of Anastasia Romanov. This discussion draws on real-life examples of how the story of Anastasia has been interpreted, and it raises the points of how identity is a constructed narrative that can be valued as truth or dismissed as fictional. This moment foregrounds how narratives exploit trauma.

“I will not perform as a dancing monkey to convince you of my personage. Your Anastasia, the gentle girl you knew, no longer exists.”

Anna’s interaction with Pierre Gilliard could be read as an assertion of independence from an old pupil, but it could also reflect Anna’s anger over the continual tests and challenges that confront her. Her metaphor of the “dancing monkey” highlights how she feels dehumanized by this treatment. While her declaration that Anastasia is gone could be metaphorical, it gains ironic resonance when the novel later reveals that Anastasia is, indeed, dead by this point.

“I’m determined not to protest. I abhor whining. So I take long breaths through my nose. I squeeze my eyes closed and force myself not to wiggle my feet. Finally, I feel nothing.”

Anastasia’s reaction when Botkin pierces her ears shows how she deals with discomfort. This provides another parallel with Anna, who is likewise very stoic. These small connections contribute to the suspense around the central question of who Anna is.

“A photo album. An icon. A chess set. A paper knife. Keepsakes from a former life that she will not leave behind, cards she might yet need to play.”

These four items are mentioned several times; they become Anna’s talismans and are more valuable than her life. The list-like structure and staccato sentences emphasize these objects’ value. She describes them as “cards,” recognizing their value to her claim.

“My mother is a weeper. My sisters as well. But I want to be a different sort of woman. A woman like my great-grandmother, Queen Victoria of England. A woman so calm and collected and sure of herself that she is called a brass-plated bitch behind closed doors.”

Anastasia reveals her aspiration of being strong and stoic. The phrase “brass-plated bitch” subverts expectations and emphasizes Victoria’s hardness and control. This passage ties Anastasia to her family, lineage, and history.

“A spinster, they would call her, if she lived anywhere other than the glittering center of Manhattan, where wealth and excess are worshipped above a woman’s fertility and marital status.”

Anna often gets glimpses of what her life could be like if she were independently wealthy and financially secure, and Annie Burr Jennings, the Heiress, provides one such example. This wish for ease and security bolsters Anna’s motives for continuing to insist she is Anastasia. She longs for money as well as the insulation from social scrutiny that comes with wealth.

“Life is too short, madam, for that kind of attitude. Who wants to just survive. Wouldn’t you rather live?”

The banker John Hammond’s statement to Anna as they swim is ironic because Anna’s existence is so often one of simply survival; she has few moments of real pleasure, ease, or safety. In a further irony, John takes his own life after the stock market crash, which is a parallel to Anna’s moment of despair when she jumps into the canal.

“You’ll have enough to buy a home, keep a handful of servants. Live comfortably and in peace for the rest of your days. A home of your own. I know that’s what you desire.”

The Romanov family offers to Anna to support her comfortably if she renounces any claim to the name or fortune. They focus on Anna’s longing for a home. While Anna longs for a safe refuge, she does not choose this guarantee. This may be because Gleb is present, and Anna values his faith in her; if she admits to a ruse, she will lose her only friend.

“It’s the perception. Everything is about perception right now. People are truly beginning to believe that you are Anastasia.”

This passage coincides with Anna’s arrival in New York City in 1928, when Gleb is glad that she is starting to get the attention of a celebrity. His statement about perception touches on the ways the reader is like Anna’s contemporaries, trying to decide for themselves if she is Anastasia. His statement emphasizes the novel’s idea that recognition rests on perception rather than truth.

“Yakov would likely stab me in the eye before I could get the pillow over his face. Such thoughts! Only a year ago I was planting cabbages and now I’m plotting murder.”

This passage captures Anastasia’s voice, which is forthright and spirited. She is fierce in her protectiveness of her family, which foreshadows her final choice to stay with them instead of escape. She recognizes the absurd leap from “planting cabbages” to “plotting murder,” which hints at her self-knowledge and dark humor.

“Anna has an innate fear of cellars. She would turn and bolt back toward the daylight if Tanya were not blocking her escape.”

The narrative is full of small connections that link Anna and Anastasia. Anna’s fear of cellars stands out because Anastasia was shot in a cellar, so Anna’s fear could be the result of this trauma. On the other hand, Anna’s trauma could be linked to some other event that hasn’t yet been revealed, given the backward structure of Anna’s narrative. The many possible interpretations help build the tension and suspense that drive the novel.

“Frau Anderson leaves the impression of a poor, highly strung invalid who believes in her story and is confirmed in the belief by the people around her.”

Speaking to the theme of identity, Anna’s claims are persistently denied by the official arm of the Romanov family. The syntax—“leaves the impression”—calls attention to how identity is ultimately a series of impressions. Their hostility creates a formidable obstacle for her. However, by the novel’s conclusion, this passage sounds, ironically, very close to the truth.

“Tanya does not know, cannot know the importance of what she has just given her.”

The sentence’s repetition of “know” highlights the gap between Tanya’s intention and the effect she has on Anna’s claim. She unknowingly fortifies Anna’s identity performance as well as her “memories” as Anastasia. By giving Anna the photo album, Tanya helps Anna understand and feel connected to the tsar’s family.

“The water in this tub is still warm, and she is clean. It’s all a miracle. Anna relaxes finally, ridiculously happy for the first time in years.”

When Anna is taken in by the Kleists, the luxuriousness of their life astonishes her. The bath is a symbolic rebirth, and it can either refer to Anastasia’s return to luxury or Anna’s first experience of wealth. The details of luxury and care are stark contrasts to the circumstances Anna has known elsewhere, pointing to the materialistic as well as cultural differences between privilege and poverty.

“Anna has held on for so long. She has kept the truth of her identity wrapped tight against all prodding, pleading, and threats. It has been the one thing that no one could take from her. But sitting here before the window, bathed in a rectangle of light, she is transfixed by a single name. The one name that can free her from this prison.”

This moment in the Dalldorf Asylum is one of several moments in the book that hint at a connection between Anna and Anastasia, which is part of Lawhon’s construction of the mystery. Once the whole story is known, the reader can look back at this moment and interpret it as the moment Anna makes her decision, as well as understanding why. The image of the light, like a door opening to her future, suggests her motive for this choice is to take advantage of a possibility of freedom, when she has hitherto only felt constrained.

“She can feel the rebellion boil and begin to spill over into rage. What right does he have to violate her privacy like this? She has hurt no one. She has done nothing but keep her own council and guard her secrets closely. Her only crime was trying to end her life in a broken, desperate moment.”

The anger both women feel at their circumstances becomes another narrative point of connection between Anastasia and Anna. Anna’s wish for privacy is a persistent part of her character, and she clings to it despite claiming to be a public figure. Her motives for not revealing her identity when at Dalldorf are left unstated, deepening the mystery of her circumstances.

“How can I run for safety and leave everyone else behind? He is asking me to walk away without warning them. How can I doom them to such a fate? How can I choose between Tomas and my family? It is like choosing which side of my body to keep, the right or the left.”

Lawhon keeps the central mystery alive until the very end, when this scene of Tomas warning Anastasia of Yakov’s intentions provides a possibility for Anastasia’s escape. However, the loyalty Anastasia feels to her family draws her back to them, and she ends up sharing their fate. This is in contrast to Anna, who denies her family, the Schanzkowskas, in an effort to find her own freedom.