I Was Anastasia: A Novel

Ariel Lawhon

59 pages 1-hour read

Ariel Lawhon

I Was Anastasia: A Novel

Fiction | Novel | Adult | Published in 2018

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Themes

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of mental illness.

Memory as a Constructed Narrative

In the novel’s Prologue, Anna says that telling her story will require her to unwind “all the twisted coils” of her memory (1). This image posits memory as a tangled entity, and the gaps and leaps in Anna’s narrative suggest a selective process: She is choosing which formative experiences to relay, prioritizing not only factual important but also emotionally resonant moments. Unlike Anastasia’s chapters, which describe her exile and execution in a more conventional linear narrative, Anna’s portion of the novel foregrounds the idea that memory—even when not fabricated—is a narrative construct, shaped and ordered to produce meaning.


This theme is most explicitly illustrated by Anna’s impersonation of Anastasia, which requires her to adopt another person’s memories. When she views the clip of the Romanov family, Anna claims she was part of that celebration; she also tells Xenia Leeds and Dmitri Leuchtenberg that she remembers the royal tradition of the Opening of Navigation. Simultaneously, Anna suppresses memories that Franziska Schanzkowska would have. She insists she has no children and keeps her body hidden so others do not see the stretch marks from her pregnancy, which would contradict her claim. Likewise, she pretends not to recognize Felix or the other Schanzkowska siblings.


These claims are in keeping with her wish to be recognized as Anastasia, but they also reveal the fragility of memory. Felix, for instance, doesn’t seem to recognize Anna when he visits her at Dalldorf. This may be a deliberate refusal  to acknowledge her, or it could indicate a confusion of memory on his part. On the other hand, Gleb Botkin shows no reserve in identifying Anna as Anastasia upon first sight. It has been at least four years since he has seen Anastasia at that point, but his quick identification and persistent belief show his willingness to link his memories of Anastasia with the woman before him, revealing how memory can be reshaped by desire. His misidentification supports Anna’s assertion in the Epilogue that people can be so eager for something to be true that they rearrange their memories to make it so.


Ultimately, the novel suggests that if memory is a narrative, then its faithfulness to actual events can be questioned, and it can be judged by the same criteria as fiction. Lawhon, in creating her novel, acknowledges playing with the historical record in much the same way that Anna picks and chooses which memories she will disclose. In this way, the novel underscores the idea that memory itself is a form of storytelling.

The Foundations of Identity

The novel examines the foundations of identity, specifically focusing on what qualities make a person recognizable not just to themselves but to others. Identity, as the novel suggests, is a blend of disposition, relationship, and accumulated experience. However, just as the meaning of an artwork is open to interpretation—as illustrated by a scene Anastasia remembers of viewing the painting The Rape of the Sabine Women—the novel posits that identity, too, is a matter of interpretation.


At the heart of the novel lies the question of how identity is verified. From the outset, Anna challenges the idea that proving identity is a matter of gathering information and insists that the reader listen to her confession before coming to conclusions. She says: “When I am finished, only then, will you have the right to tell me who I am” (1). However, she struggles to prove the legitimacy of relational ties. Her claim to be Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanov requires her to justify her relationship to the surname Nikolaevna, which identifies Anastasia as the daughter of Nicholas II. The numerous proofs that others require in order to support Anna’s claim further indicate how deeply identity is formed from relationships and experiences. For instance, Gilliard says he will be satisfied she is Anastasia when she can demonstrate evidence of what Gilliard taught his pupil, and Frederick and his relatives want Anna to recall details of the family that only Anastasia would know.


Anna clings to four possessions that belonged to the royal family, and in her eyes, they legitimize her claim that she is Anastasia. Two of them, the photo album and the paper knife, are Anastasia’s chosen possessions. The icon of Saint Anna of Kashin bears the name she acquires—Anna is a diminutive of Anastasia—and in a sense, Anna’s attachment to this item shows that she sees it as a protective talisman, just as Saint Anna is said to be a protector of women. The icon that held the Empress Alexandra’s failed plea for help, along with the ivory chess set carved from the tusks of Sammi, the bull elephant that was Alexey’s pet, could be persuasive connections to Anastasia. Yet Anna never submits them for proof to a court of law. One reason for this could be that her acquisition of these items is suspect: She acquires two of them on the black market, and the other two are gifts from Tanya, a close friend of the family. These items instead become a private justification that she has some right to the claim she is making. Her refusal to surrender these items, even when her life is at stake during the Weser River crossing, shows her unwillingness to relinquish this self-construction. 


Likewise, she does not cease her insistence that she is Anastasia until her death, suggesting that, like memory, identity itself is a construction that is open to interpretation and revision. In the Epilogue, Anna argues that others—like Gleb and Tanya—encouraged, and even needed, her to be Anastasia. This highlights the idea that identity is not a stable construct, but a narrative shaped by context and imagination.

Persistent Effects of Trauma

Both Anna and Anastasia experience trauma, and while Anastasia does not survive hers, the novel implies that Anastasia’s traumatic experiences are reflected in Anna’s memories, blurring the lines between the two women and suggesting a psychic continuity between them. Unlike memory and identity, which can be crafted, trauma acts outside a person’s will, and the effects can be persistent, formative, and sometimes devastating.


Notably, the narrative declares early on that Anna’s memory, even late in life, has not been impacted by trauma: “Anna does not forget. Her memory is as sound and as solid as a gun safe. And just as impenetrable” (34). This declaration resists interpretations of Anna as a passive victim or someone affected by faulty memory. Anna has made her decisions knowingly, and she stands by them. However, while her memory is intact, her psychological state is more vulnerable to trauma’s impact. Trauma, then, is not used to excuse her actions but to contextualize them.


Anna is in and out of institutions throughout the years, sometimes for illness, and sometimes for suspected mental health conditions. These are less about formal diagnoses than they are about her increasingly precarious emotional state. For instance, Dr. Winicke diagnoses her with melancholia upon her admission to Dalldorf. The times Anna spends in the private institution in Manhattan, and then in Germany at the insistence of Annie Burr Jennings, often coincide with periods of deep instability and grief. Anna deals with her vulnerabilities by drinking champagne, which she admits impacts her judgment, and her rooftop escapade is a manifestation of her acute loneliness. She has fallen out of touch with Gleb, her primary supporter, and she has just lost one of her birds, which is emblematic of Anna losing a part of herself. This echoes an earlier moment of despair that led Anna to the Landwehr Canal, after she lost her fiancé, her child, and her home. In both cases, her trauma manifests as a loss of self-preservation and self-worth.


For Anna, trauma is not rooted in the physical accident but in the accumulated weight of loneliness and lack of emotional support she experiences when she has lost the people she loves. Earlier in her life, when she was closer to the traumatizing events as lived experience, Anna imagines having “a door in her mind that, when pushed too hard, swings toward madness” (251). She thinks of this feeling “as tangible despair. It feels like cotton in her lungs and snakes on her skin” (273). These metaphors illustrate how deeply her trauma is embedded in her body and psyche. As a result, she seeks an identity that is recognized, beloved, and offers security. Her bid to become Anastasia is not the result of delusion, Lawhon suggests, but a desperate strategy for survival. By claiming a new identity as Anastasia, Anna tries to leave her trauma behind; but as the novel ultimately illustrates, her trauma follows her, inseparable from the self she tries to invent.

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