In Her Defensec

Philippa Malicka

59 pages 1-hour read

Philippa Malicka

In Her Defensec

Fiction | Novel | Adult | Published in 2026

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Symbols & Motifs

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of animal death.

Ceramics

Ceramics function as a prominent symbol for Gus’s self-perception. Her work often expresses the things about herself she either cannot say directly or struggles to articulate in words. In Chapter 2, Gus describes her ceramic style for the first time, contrasting them against the “dainty teacups” that Anna usually makes: “I never make dainty teacups, but mugs the size of tankards, with their surfaces roughly hewn. The texture of cauldrons, as a teacher once put it” (10). Where Anna’s dainty ceramics suggest a performance of delicacy, Gus’s ceramics project the crude and coarse way she sees herself, which has its own charm and character in the form she has chosen for her work.


Gus’s work goes on exhibit in Chapter 18, where she sculpts a work inspired by an Olympic gymnast whose flight over a vaulting horse evokes the defiance of gravity and the laws of nature. This piece represents Gus’s own desire to transcend her nature, especially her self-perception as a fundamentally flawed human being whose true nature may scare others away. When Mary misinterprets the depiction in Gus’s work, Gus begins to realize that Mary fails to really understand her.


Gus’s ceramics feature one more time near the end of the novel. In Chapter 32, Gus is inspired by a photograph Jean took of her, which she uses to sculpt plaster casts of her hand onto various ceramic pieces. According to Gus, the inspiration of the photograph is important to the work as it signals her attempt to distance herself from Jean’s influence: “Winding these casts of my hands around my own work made me feel as if I was giving myself a layer of protection that Jean had never provided. The certainty that what I loved would be held safely, and not broken” (323-24).

Birds

Birds appear several times throughout the narrative, functioning as a symbol for the invisible dynamics between Gus, Mary, and Jean. Birds appear in the novel for the first time in Chapter 14, when Mary asserts that Gus was her first and only choice of model for her portraiture class. The birds, which are starlings, swarm overhead, representing the invisible dance of harmony Gus perceives between herself and Mary at the moment.


Later, in Chapter 21, Jean points the birds out overhead as Gus is contemplating paying her for formal therapy sessions. Jean comments that the birds inexplicably know how to fly around each other, suggesting that they communicate in ways that human beings cannot ordinarily perceive. This represents Jean’s attempts to misrepresent the dynamic between Gus and Mary, making Gus believe that they are “flying” in sync with one another when, in truth, Mary and Gus have widely misaligned perceptions of each other.


The birds reappear at the start of Chapter 32, when Gus reads an article about birds colliding with each other, as if their internal flight systems had experienced interference due to the intrusion of a predator. This representation highlights the fraught dynamic between Gus and Mary, which has been disrupted by the presence of their predator, Jean. Gus understands now that if she tries to continue “flying” around Mary, she will inevitably lead them to collide somehow. This gives her the confidence to back away and seek distance from Mary.

Gus’s Portrait

Mary’s portrait of Gus is a prominent symbol for the gap between perception and truth. For most of the novel, Gus never sees the portrait Mary is painting of her but assumes that it will capture the best parts of her character and manifest them as a physical reality. This assumption is based on Gus’s crush on Mary, rather than any real knowledge of Mary’s artistic skill or style.


The first time Gus sees Mary’s portrait of her in Chapter 25, she is shocked by the inaccuracy of her assumption: “Through Mary’s eyes, there was nothing magnetic or appealing about me. I looked dull, like a woman on the cusp of absolutely nothing” (227). Gus begins to realize that her perceptions of Mary and herself do not align with Mary’s perspective of Gus and herself. This becomes the seed of Gus’s disillusionment and distancing from her crush on Mary, which she confirms when she receives the final portrait in the mail. Gus is less embarrassed by the final product, but only because she has learned to distance herself from the idea of needing a relationship with Mary in order to live happily. Disentangled from this notion, Gus understands that “it would always have been wrong; nothing could have reflected the chaos on the other side of my appearance” (325). Gus’s resignation to Mary’s depiction of her reflects her mature perspective on her past crush and her understanding that Mary’s perception of her does not equal the truth of her identity.

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