One of the novel’s focal points is the importance of personal growth and identity development. At the beginning of the novel, Phoebe is still reeling from her childhood trauma and struggles to build and maintain meaningful relationships. By the novel’s end, she’s embedded in a strong social network and has a committed romantic relationship with Sam. She achieves these large-scale changes by rewriting the false narrative she has about herself and by opening herself up to friendship, strengthening her sibling bond, and allowing herself to fall in love.

Phoebe struggles emotionally because of the bad example that her parents volatility set and the trauma of their divorce. She emerged from childhood with the idea that real love is unattainable and that everyone is ultimately reducible to the worst parts of themselves. For this reason, she maintains emotional distance between herself and everyone she meets. This is a coping mechanism, albeit an unhealthy one, to safeguard her from additional emotional harm. After beginning to pursue Sam and then regretting it, she observes, “This was why I preferred to keep people at arm’s length. Things got so much more complicated when you actually cared if someone sent you a text, or accepted an invitation, or wanted to hang out” (104).

It's clear that her parents’ marriage became the rubric for how Phoebe views all romantic relationships, and to move beyond that limiting belief she must engage in significant self-reflection. She’s shocked when people like Conner and Allison point out that her perception of people isn’t always entirely accurate, yet when she pauses to consider their assertions, she realizes that the truth of what they’re saying. She thinks about Conner and realizes that while she considered him goofy when they were young, he’s now a considerate, committed, loving partner to Shani. In addition, Phoebe reflects on herself: She characterizes herself as tough-skinned and unapproachable, but she’s capable of caring behavior: She wants the best for her brother, Allison, and Sam, and she rescues a homeless cat. Phoebe realizes that, although she can be aloof, that isn’t the extent of her personality. She begins to understand that identity is multifaceted.

Armed with the ability to rewrite narratives of both herself and others, Phoebe begins to alter her orientation toward people. Although she and Allison had a serious falling-out as teenagers, she makes an effort to spend time with her friend. She gets to know Allison again, accepts help from her, and remembers how much they have in common. She listens when Allison shares her perspective on Phoebe’s troubles and, similar to how she reassesses Conner, she realizes that Allison too is in a committed, healthy relationship. As the novel ends, Phoebe has reunited with Allison and has a real friend in her.

She and Conner likewise reconnect. At the beginning of the novel, she notes their distance and lack of a meaningful sibling bond. Because they lived with different parents after the divorce, she notes that they didn’t truly grow up together. In the years since she left Florida, they’ve largely been out of touch. Because she allows herself to be open to becoming closer to her sibling and because Conner is so reflective, she begins to realize that their past doesn’t need to define their future. Conner is instrumental in Phoebe’s newfound ability to think critically about their childhood, and he provides an example of someone who has already completed the healing process: Conner comes to exemplify what Phoebe might be capable of if she reflects on her past, is honest about its impact on her, and then releases her anger.

Her relationship with Sam similarly evidences a growth curve. She’s initially defensive and combative in their conversations. Even after they begin sleeping together, she’s hesitant to become closer to him. She initially doesn’t want the kind of committed relationship that he does and eventually makes that clear. However, Phoebe loves Sam and does want something more long-term with him; she’s just unsure how to make that happen. Sam, like Conner, is both self-reflective and emotionally intelligent. He understands Phoebe better than she initially understands herself. Through both conversation and patience, he gently leads her to the realization that she’s capable of love. She must make the final leap on her own, but she eventually manages to admit her feelings to both herself and Sam.