Brooks has brought four of Tony’s journals with her to Flinders. She wants to read them before sending them to Columbia University, which will house them. The first journal begins just before she and Tony meet in graduate school. It chronicles their meeting and early days together. She reads on about their first years of marriage and eventual move to Sydney. It follows them as Tony takes a job at The Sydney Morning Herald and develops an interest in writing books. It then moves on to the details of their move to Cairo, Egypt, their time spent as reporters for various newspapers throughout the Middle East, and Tony’s travel adventures. This is the kind of journalistic work that he’d come to love. Tony writes in his journal about his fear of never becoming a respected journalist, and Brooks laughs about this since he went on to win a Pulitzer Prize in journalism. She says that the journals aren’t “happy reading” since they reveal Tony’s insecurities, noting, “[T]he Tony of 1989 had no sense of how bright and successful his career was quickly about to become” (161). Yet she is comforted to read his tender words about his love for her. She reflects on how unaware Tony was that his life would be so short.

Brooks discovered that the insurance company had canceled their policy since it was in Tony’s name. She was angry and exhausted that she had to resolve another bureaucratic complication while still processing her loss. Australians have taxpayer-funded medical care, and Brooks had never understood the American system. Through a work connection, Nathaniel contacted their senator Ed Markey, who helped them resolve the situation. However, Brooks laments that not everyone has the privilege to solve their health care crises so quickly.

Brooks dreams that two friends have come to deliver news of another death. The nightmare reveals her fear of losing another loved one.

Brooks received the coroner’s final report, which concluded that Tony died from ventricular fibrillation from myocarditis, which is inflammation in the tissues of the heart. Though it’s a rare condition that usually occurs in young people, it can be exacerbated by excessive drinking, stimulants, and exercise—all of which Tony relied on during his book-writing process. Brooks felt guilty for knowing about Tony’s excessive drinking and not doing more to intervene.

Brooks hikes to Trousers Point and admires the beautiful view. However, there are other people there, and she prefers to be alone. She concludes that solitude has allowed her to be with Tony, whether through her thoughts or by reading his journals, in a way she never could before.

The family held two memorial services for Tony, one in Martha’s Vineyard and one in Washington, DC. Though planning a service that honored Tony’s accomplished life brought comfort, Brooks was overwhelmed with the logistics of finding accommodations for all the guests, calling the process “another thing that a grieving person is ill-equipped to do” (180). She appreciated their writer friends’ moving eulogies but was most touched by Nathaniel’s speech, in which he asserted that Tony lives on through his writing.

On Flinders Island, Brooks compares her grief to the frequent fevers she once experienced as a child. They were relentless and painful, but she grew to appreciate the relief of their passing. She feels her grief shifting and entertains the possibility that she could be happy again. However, she fears that it might return, like the fever.

Almost three months after Tony’s death, Brooks spoke to Deborah, a friend and fellow reporter who recently lost her husband after a long illness. Deborah said that getting back to writing helped her heal, and she encouraged Brooks to do the same. All the memorial service guests left town. Brooks left to take her mother-in-law to the airport and accidentally hit her dog, killing him. She buried him in the backyard under a tree.

Brooks finds peace in nature since it reminds her of her own smallness. She pretends that Tony sits beside her on the beach. Reflecting on a song by the band Sleeping at Last about a deathbed conversation, Brooks regrets that she didn’t get a deathbed talk with Tony. She commits to “carry[ing] his light” by sharing him with her sons and future grandchildren (192).

After Bizu returned to school, Brooks was alone. Unable to fathom spending the holidays in Martha’s Vineyard without Tony, she went to Sydney. However, it also held too many memories of their time together, and in February, she traveled to France in hopes of finishing Horse. As news of the COVID-19 pandemic spread, Brooks returned to the US before the borders closed. Nathaniel and Bizu returned home, and she was happy to be reunited. Their time together was rich, but they often spoke about what Tony would have made of the pandemic and the ensuing political and social unrest. Brooks finished Horse so she could dedicate it to Tony.

Brooks swims naked in the ocean and feels cleansed. She releases the scream she’s kept at bay for three years. Afterward, she feels ready to move forward with her life.

Brooks reflects on her time on Flinders Island. Being there taught her to find solace in nature, and she takes this with her when she leaves the island. While there, she released her grief over the life she couldn’t have with Tony and embraced a new future. Though she was able to reconstruct most of the events that happened around Tony’s death, some details are still a mystery, lost to the flurry of sudden grief. Her experience taught her about the inefficiencies of how individuals deal with death. She asks that people be kinder and gentler to those who have experienced loss, especially those in healthcare and governmental organizations. She encourages readers to create a list of essential tasks and other important information so that those left behind can more easily navigate the loss in case they die suddenly. Lastly, she insists that those who experience loss must have an outlet for sharing their story, just as she has done in this book.