“She wants to learn one last secret from her son. What part of a person’s body is inextricably themselves?”

Monstrilio is a story about identity, about what makes an individual themselves, and how much of that identity is mutable and how much is fixed. As the source of both his short life and his eventual death, Santiago’s single lung becomes an important symbol of his identity, the source of his “Santiagoness.” When Magos decides to keep a piece of her son, she settles on the lung, and the creature who grows out of it both is and isn’t Santiago, suggesting that the essence of identity is too complex to be contained in a single piece of a being.

“She savors her Santiago’s blood, a taste of iron and warmth. She could suck more blood out of his veins, but she won’t; she’s not a vampire though now she understands the impulse—the craving to drink deep and thirsty in her bowels.”

Magos’s excavation of her son’s body has something carnivorous about it, which is later reflected in Monstrilio’s insatiable hunger. Monstrilio is a product of Magos’s grief, and this passage reveals a deep craving for her son that manifests in a desire to consume him. There is violence and desperation in this act that becomes the genesis of Monstrilio that is later ingrained in the monster’s psyche, introducing the theme of Humanity Versus Monstrosity.

“I wanted him to snap, to finally and absolutely lose it. To break. He was withering. To wither is not the same as to break; to break is to have pieces to put back together, and to wither is to dry up, to wilt, to lose bone, to die, and death is the most boring.”

This passage reveals the strain that Magos and Joseph’s differing reactions to Santiago’s death put on their relationship, reflecting Family Dynamics in the Face of Grief. Their grief makes them unfathomable to one another. Magos finds Joseph’s depression “boring” because she longs for their grief to become more tangible, while he mistakes her lack of tears for callousness. While they differ considerably, both Magos and Joseph have expectations for how they believe the other should be expressing their pain, indicating the clear social scripts that individuals are expected to follow and the consequences of failing to do so.

“Santiago was so mine, I could not fathom her feeling him gone.”

In the wake of her son’s death, Magos’s sense of isolation in her grief is absolute. It manifests first in the act of cutting Santiago’s body open without considering how it might affect Joseph, and later in her surprise when she realizes that her mother, too, is mourning Santiago. Magos’s struggle to articulate her own grief and share in others’ pain reflects family dynamics in the face of grief.

“I reveled in my brattiness, in my slouch, in my refusal to either cry or be the diligent woman who offered guests something to eat.”

Magos refuses to play the socially expected part of the grieving mother, once more revealing her struggle to express and process her grief in a way that feels authentic to her and knowable to others. Magos’s awareness of social expectations also speaks to the intense scrutiny mothers are often under, even when in mourning.

“Lena’s love was a secret treasure I held dear, supposed to be only my own.”

Lena has been in love with Magos for many years, but Magos does not share her friend’s romantic interest. This unreciprocated romantic affection reflects The Fear of Love Being Conditional in the novel, as Lena will often struggle with Magos’s lack of romantic interest and tries to win her over through doing what she wants.

“When my mother died, Uncle absorbed all the grief and accumulated it inside his body so none of it reached me. That’s why he’s so gnarled and bent at odd angles.”

In this passage, Joseph describes how his Uncle Luke was affected by the loss of Joseph’s mother. Uncle Luke’s experience alludes to the varied and complex nature of grief, illustrating again how the reality of grief often differs from common social expectations. Furthermore, this passage suggests a reason behind the close bond Uncle Luke and M eventually forge, as both of them inhabit physical bodies that are the product of grief.

“I thought you didn’t care Santiago died. Or not that you didn’t care, but that you were somehow above suffering for him, that you were so strong you could move on. I hated to think you were rebuilding your life already.”

Here, Joseph describes how he mistook Magos’s lack of tears and sadness after Santiago’s death as callousness. He expected her to grieve in a certain, recognizable way, and when she failed to do so, he couldn’t understand her reaction. However, the mess of Magos’s room and her plan for them to be a family again with the baby monster, reveal to Joseph the extent to which she is suffering despite her failure to show conventional signs of grief.

“I was jealous of the monster, how it didn’t care what it was or did. No shame. It held itself up with a certain pride. But mostly I was jealous of the way Magos cared for it despite it being a monster.”

Lena, who was made to feel monstrous and unlovable by her mother, comes to feel a sense of kinship with Monstrilio, and the creature makes her feel more emboldened to be herself. Monstrilio is not self-conscious or ashamed of his monstrosity, and he is still found worthy of love and connection, making Lena feel the same might be possible for herself. This passage speaks to the fear of love being conditional.

“It’s like she’s acting. She does all the things Magos would do. She says all the things she would say, but there’s nothing inside her. Like she’s on automatic.”

This passage delves into the motif of performance in describing Joseph and Magos’s lives after Santiago’s death. They are behaving like a family again, with Monstrilio in Santiago’s place. Magos seems to believe that if she plays her role well enough, the sham will become true, but to Joseph, the act feels inauthentic.

“I thought you loved Monstrilio. But you only wanted Santiago back. Monstrilio was amazing. Look what we did to him.”

Magos believes that Monstrilio has the capacity to “evolve” and become more human. In contrast, Lena believes that Monstrilio is special just the way he is and doesn’t need to change. Because of how she sees herself reflected in Monstrilio’s monstrosity, she takes Magos’s refusal to love Monstrilio as he is as a personal affront, invoking the fear of love being conditional.

“Sometimes I hoped M’s hunger would disappear. Other times I feared that if his Monstrilioness totally disappeared, M would be left an empty husk.

‘People don’t understand what you are, M.’

As my words traveled to Berlin, I hated myself. I smiled to keep myself from telling him to forget everything I had just said and to go ahead and bite if he wanted to bite. For a second, I believed myself strong enough to take on whatever consequences came from setting him free. Instead, I told him he should go to bed and rest.”

While Magos believes in M’s humanity and Lena believes in his monstrosity, Joseph falls somewhere in the middle. He understands that M is not truly human, but he knows that acknowledging the monstrosity of M’s true self will cause him to lose M, something Joseph doesn’t have the courage to face. This passage also raises the question of identifying the essence of a being’s true nature. Joseph suspects that M’s hunger is part of what makes him himself, and he worries that the being he loves would be gone without it, reflecting the dilemma of Humanity Versus Monstrosity.

“Before Monstrilio, I probably would have slapped it dumb with a broom, swept it off of the balcony, and let it splat downstairs. It was hideous, but its careful, tentative movements proved it was as bewildered as we were.”

This passage illustrates how Joseph’s love for Monstrilio has changed him. When a tarantula appears in his New York apartment, Joseph gently releases it instead of killing it. His proximity to M has taught him that monstrosity is not synonymous with cruelty or malice. Something strange or seemingly dangerous is also navigating a complex and confusing world and is deserving of kindness.

“She was the Magos I had wished for during those months in Firgesan, when I was drowning and all she could do was follow me around like a kid playing, unable to show any emotion but silliness. I had wanted someone to drown with together, but now that I was seeing this Magos, I realized she would’ve pulled me down faster.”

In watching Magos’s show, Son, in Berlin, Joseph realizes for the first time the true depth of his former wife’s pain. When Santiago died, he had wanted someone to grieve with him. However, now that he sees the extent of Magos’s grief, it frightens him. Grieving in his own way, Joseph has arrived at a place where he is ready to let go of the past and move on; he now feels unable to connect with her, reflecting family dynamics in the face of grief.

“M whimpered, the way he used to when we first removed his arm-tail. I wanted to lie with him and comfort him, but I was stuck in the bed, anchored by the memory of the time I prayed his arm-tail would grow back, promising that if it did I would accept him for what he was. I wouldn’t judge his hunger. I’d bring him pets myself if that’s what he wanted. But his arm-tail didn’t grow back although his hunger had clearly remained. What end of the bargain was I responsible for?”

This passage explores the guilt that Joseph feels about forcing Monstrilio to change with the removal of his arm-tail. In the wake of the amputation, Monstrilio fell into a depression, and Joseph experienced deep regret, wishing he had accepted Monstrilio as he was. Now, however, Monstrilio’s monstrous tendencies remain, despite the absence of his arm-tail, yet Joseph still struggles to fully accept him as he promised to do.

“I could’ve told him everything, about Magos taking Santiago’s lung, about Monstrilio and the playground I built for him, how he swung and we played at wrestling, how Monstrilio was easier to love because he was something completely different, how I still couldn’t understand M but would fight for him, how I would protect him.”

Here, Joseph describes his deep commitment to M, proving you don’t have to fully understand something to love it completely. The passage also describes Joseph’s struggle to share the truth of his relationship with M with Peter, illustrating the difficulties of articulating the often irrational and indescribable details of love and the fear of love being conditional.

I pretend my time as Monstrilio is hazy. Muffled sounds and blurred colors. I say I remember warmth. But I don’t say I miss my fur. I don’t say I’m hungry because my hunger is what makes everyone scared. They are happy to believe I forgot how they maimed me.”

This passage from M’s narration begins to describe just how much he is pretending to be the boy that Magos and Joseph want him to be. Although now human-shaped, M still strongly identifies with his monster form and clearly remembers being Monstrilio. He remembers the amputation of his arm-tail as a violence done against him. While there is a hint of resentment in his choice of words, M is clearly making a huge effort to be human, suggesting that he believes it is his best path toward love and connection.

“I’ve surveyed my face a thousand times to make sure these traits are real. Not details I invented to be their son.”

Here, M describes his physical resemblance to Magos and Joseph. He takes that resemblance as proof that he does belong, that he is part of their family, and that his life as their son is not a complete fabrication. His anxiety invokes the fear of love being conditional.

“Monstrilio was hungry all the time. The difference is he didn’t know he shouldn’t be.”

The only true difference between M and Monstrilio is the way he sees himself and the shame he has learned to feel. Amputating Monstrilio’s arm-tail didn’t “tame” him, but it did take away his innocence, replacing a natural sense of freedom with a more human self-consciousness.

“I could argue. The truth is I would’ve eaten him. If it were not for the bat. But Papi looks so happy. He thinks I’m getting better. Less hungry. More capable of being human.”

M longs to please Magos and Joseph, and he can see that they are pleased when he shows off his most human traits. Often, however, this leads him to pretend that he is more human than he really is, suppressing his true monstrous self.

“It tastes good. Not great. The taste of fear has gone. Also, it tastes like cow. Nothing wrong with cow. But a cow doesn’t dream. Not really. And if it does, it dreams of grass. Maybe open skies. A human dreams crazy dreams. Horrible dreams. Great dreams. Like flying. Or teeth falling. Or people long forgotten who pop up as if they never left. They dream of what they were and what they could become. And the dreams seep into their meat. Like a delicious marinade.”

This passage goes in-depth into the reality of M’s hunger and just how different it is from the human concept of eating. M doesn’t just taste a creature’s flesh, but their dreams and fears, suggesting the complexity of his experience and how little the humans in his life truly understand him and his cravings.

“They made me a boy. They called me Santiago. They tried. And I tried.”

Here, M describes the process of co-creating his human identity with the adults in his life. His humanity isn’t natural; it is the result of his and his family’s tireless efforts. M feels that he has done everything he can to be the boy his family wanted. There is nothing more he can try, yet he is still Monstrilio in his heart, invoking the dilemma of humanity versus monstrosity.

“I could write this memory down in my Santiago journal. My record of your memories. Like a house sitter keeping everything in order for when the original inhabitant comes back. Like in the story with the guy who throws up bunnies. He wanted to keep the house ready for his friend too. But I won’t write this memory down. Seems silly. Keeping these. You’re not coming back.”

M has certain memories that belong to Santiago, whom he sees as someone completely distinct from himself. His urge to keep these memories stored safely for Santiago’s return suggests that he eventually expects to become the dead boy, that Santiago’s essence will return to his body, and he will no longer be M or Monstrilio. However, as the text nears its end, M begins to accept his true identity, and keeping Santiago’s memories is no longer necessary.