Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol

Quit Like a Woman is a 2019 book by American author and activist Holly Whitaker. In this unique work, Whitaker shares her own experiences with alcohol addiction and her journey to sobriety. She criticizes the marketing tactics of the alcohol industry, which she believes downplay the growing research about the mental and physical consequences of alcohol consumption. Relying on the latest research, Whitaker makes a passionate argument against all alcohol use and argues that our society’s skewed perception of alcohol misuse perpetuates people’s dysfunctional relationship with drinking. Whitaker assesses the problem through a feminist lens, focusing on how women, in particular, are harmed by social norms around alcohol use and arguing that alcohol limits women’s empowerment. In this work, Whitaker explores themes including The Effects of Societal Perception of Alcohol and Addiction, The Negative Corporate Influence on Alcohol Use, and Women’s Empowerment Through Sobriety.

This guide refers to the e-book edition, published by The Dial Press in 2021.

Content Warning: The source material and guide feature depictions of gender discrimination, substance use, disordered eating, mental illness, addiction, and sexual violence.

Summary

In Whitaker’s introduction, she remembers how her alcohol use escalated throughout her twenties, until she finally admitted to herself that she had an alcohol addiction and committed to living a sober life. This experience opened Whitaker’s eyes to how cultural norms around drinking foster dysfunctional relationships with alcohol use, which she believes is especially harmful to women. She explains that her book will examine how drinking limits women’s power and explain how women can reach their potential by eliminating alcohol from their lives. 

In the opening chapter, “The Lie,” Whitaker reveals that her alcohol and substance use began when she was a teenager and continued into her twenties and thirties, as it was a common pastime in her peer group. Whitaker’s dependence on alcohol continued into her early thirties, and she felt haunted by debt, low self-esteem, and career pressure. After a particularly bad drunken night, Whitaker finally decided to stop drinking for good.

Whitaker observes the irony of how even health-conscious people drink alcohol despite the growing evidence that alcohol is destructive to human health. She laments that alcohol use is normalized and even marketed to women as an empowering activity when, in reality, she argues, it is another harmful drug that limits women’s potential. In chapter 3, the author assesses the parallels between cigarettes and alcohol, arguing that the alcohol industry is copying the Big Tobacco playbook in its marketing tactics. She then returns to her personal journey, recalling how she initially identified as an alcoholic early in her sobriety, as most recovery programs encourage this label. However, she now feels that this shameful and simplistic label is counterproductive to a healthy, positive recovery.

Whitaker argues that people focus too much on whether they fit the medical definition of having an alcohol use disorder, when instead, they should consider if their lives would be better if they did not drink. She explores the roots of Alcoholics Anonymous and argues that its emphasis on humility is counterproductive to most women’s recovery journeys. She argues that women should love themselves rather than feel shame for their past behaviors and see abstaining from alcohol as a skill they are learning rather than a one-time decision. Whitaker explains her concepts of Self-Trust, Self-Advocacy, and Self-Practice, which she believes are an essential part of recovery.

She explains how a basic understanding of biases and brain science can help people undo their existing habits and build new ones. She reveals her own new rituals and her “toolbox” of coping strategies for when she craves alcohol. The author argues that self-care and self-compassion, in combination with the right therapeutic approach, can help people resolve traumas that might be contributing to their addiction. She urges the reader to ignore negative or rigid approaches to sobriety that do not work for them.

In Chapter 13, titled “Hell is Other People,” Whitaker recalls how some of her friends were unsure of how to support her sobriety, and her relationships were tested by her new lifestyle. However, by ignoring negative feedback and focusing on her self-development, Whitaker maintained her sobriety despite these experiences. She argues that strong social relationships are key to overcoming addiction. As old friendships fade, newly sober people should be proactive about building a new community of friends and mentors who are supportive of their sobriety.

In the closing chapters, Whitaker criticizes the notion that alcohol is a necessary ingredient for a good time and reveals that in sobriety, she has rediscovered simple pleasures like reading, cycling, traveling, and art. In her final chapter, “Activism, Sobriety, and the True Resistance,” Whitaker reflects on how becoming sober helped her realize her purpose: educating others about addiction and alcohol. She argues that to abstain from drinking is an act of resistance against the oppressive systems that benefit from alcohol and drug addiction, from for-profit prisons to rehabilitation centers. She hopes that individuals will choose to free themselves from alcohol and that it will become a powerful collective movement in society.