60 pages • 2-hour read
Still Me
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Themes
New York and the Class Divide
An important theme explored throughout the book is that of the class divide present in New York City. The setting of New York is key, as the specific qualities associated with the social hierarchy and the way in which its maintenance manifests is unique to the city and its history.
At the very outset, the location is made clear to the reader. Louisa arrives in New York, and it is grand, overwhelming, and brimming with potential. However, she is initially exposed to a very specific slice of the city’s many worlds: one inhabited by the New York upper class. Nathan describes the Gopniks to Louisa as an “average dysfunctional multimillionaire family” (6). However, it is not just wealth that is a distinguishing characteristic of the Gopniks but the kind of wealth they possess, which is a function of their background and contributes to their standing in society. For instance, they are residents in the Lavery, which in addition to being an upscale apartment is also one that only allows units to be passed down generationally through families. The Gopniks are old money, and their elite status is a function of both their pedigree and their wealth.
This is made clear by Tabitha’s attitude and that of the other society women toward Agnes. It is not enough for Agnes to be Mrs. Gopnik to gain acceptance and respect within their circles; in her situation, her background as a Polish immigrant is a strike against her. Agnes does not quite belong in the world of New York society, and this is shown not just by how she is treated by others or how out-of-place she feels, but even by her choices, behavior, and taste. For the Yellow Ball, she dons an outfit that, although stunning, even Louisa recognizes as too vulgar and unconventional for the event. Agnes constantly insists on Louisa accompanying her everywhere, including having her at the table for family meals, which is something that outrages Tabitha and discomfits Mr. Gopnik. Although located in a democracy without a monarchy, New York City still seems to host a social hierarchy that is independent of individual merit and character. The lack of royalty does not exclude the upper echelons of its society from valuing family lineage and certain archaic values, as evidenced by Kathryn’s speech at the country club as well as the Gopniks’ general treatment of their staff.
On the other side of this divide symbolized by the Lavery lies the working-class New Yorker, which is represented by people like Ilaria, Nathan, Ashok, and Meena and symbolized by the Washington Heights library. On her first visit to the neighborhood, Louisa notices how the community boasts a different kind of diversity than what she had previously seen among the New York upper class. Race is not the only diversifying factor in Washington Heights—there are people belonging to all kinds of cultures, beliefs, and socioeconomic backgrounds in the Heights. Where the Lavery and its residents exist in isolated units, the library brings together a huge populace united by a common goal. Where the New York upper class maintain superficial relationships for the sake of appearances, the Heights sees a genuine warmth and human connection in the way even strangers interact with each other.
By contrasting the vastly different worlds that exist within the same city, Still Me explores the unique divide that exists between different classes of New York society.
The Importance of Communication in Relationships
The theme of communication is an important one in the book and is demonstrated with different forms of written communication, such as emails and letters forming a recurring motif. These letters help highlight the importance of open, honest, and consistent communication in helping maintain relationships.
This idea is first suggested when Louisa asks Sam to write to her while she is in New York. Sam and Louisa are in a long-distance relationship, and this kind of communication, irrespective of their individual temperaments and proclivities for expression, seems like a good idea. However, Sam is uncomfortable with writing to Louisa, and this immediately foreshadows the kind of issues the couple will face as the story progresses.
A number of chapters open with letters and emails, usually from or to Louisa. The written communication Louisa directly engages in are all addressed to important people in her life: her mother, her sister, and Will’s daughter Lily. Besides providing an expository function of revealing important background details to the reader, these emails and letters also serve to underscore the fact that regular communication plays a role in Louisa’s maintenance of these close relationships in her life, not just romantic ones.
In addition to Louisa’s correspondence with her friends and family, Louisa also writes to Vincent, Mrs. De Witt’s grandson, in an attempt to reconcile the older woman with her family. Vincent writes back, and this eventually leads to Mrs. De Witt reuniting with her estranged son. Here, communication plays a role beyond just maintenance of a relationship: it repairs one originally thought to be beyond hope.
Significantly, Sam and Louisa begin a written correspondence toward the end of the book that carries out a similar function. Though now broken up, Sam finally takes the effort to communicate with Louisa regularly and uninhibitedly, which is how she first hoped he would. This leads to the two becoming closer than ever, and it repairs their relationship even though their geographical situations remain unchanged. In fact, openly sharing their lives and experiences with each other even leads Sam and Louisa to meaningfully reflect on their respective feelings and what they want from life. The communication between them plays a key role in leading Louisa to realize and express her desire to stay and work in New York and Sam’s decision to join her there.
In addition to Louisa’s correspondence with Sam, Will’s letters also help Louisa make these important decisions. The contents of Will’s letters mirror Louisa’s own experiences in New York for the duration of the book. Rereading these letters gives Louisa a sense of comfort, kinship, and even direction, which demonstrates how strong communication even in a relationship that is in the past it can help shape and influence experiences in the present as well.
Self-knowledge and Authentic Self-presentation
The epigraph of Still Me, which consists of a quote by the philosopher Epictetus, hints at a major theme the book explores, which is that of self-knowledge and authentic self-presentation.
The first half of the book does not obviously address this theme. The story focuses on Louisa’s arrival in New York and her experiences as she adjusts to life with her new employers, the Gopniks. However, the setting of the story and the contrasts that it presents—not just the different classes of society, but the difference between Louisa’s current life and the one she once had—proves the perfect set-up. There is a sense of being caught between two worlds, which is something Agnes expresses to Louisa and Louisa herself seems to experience. Being forced to straddle two different worlds inevitably forces one to reflect and look deeper within to better understand oneself and acknowledge the parts of each world that one truly resonates with. Louisa eventually experiences this in the second half of the book.
Louisa’s need to truly look at who she is and what she wants is tied to other events and aspects of the story. She gets fired by the Gopniks, which puts her in a hard place, but this leads her to care for and live with Mrs. De Witt, a character who is fiercely independent and unapologetic about who she is. The influence of someone like Mrs. De Witt in Louisa’s life at such a critical time is a crucial one. Not only does she show Louisa by example how one can lead a life that is in touch with one’s identity, but Mrs. De Witt’s timely advice also helps Louisa detach from a relationship that sees Louisa stifling her true self.
Mrs. De Witt and Louisa also have two important things in common that contribute to Louisa’s journey of self-knowledge: their shared love of fashion and their gender identities and related experiences. The latter adds a layer of context, as Louisa’s journey of self-knowledge is undoubtedly impacted by her being a woman in multiple ways. Mrs. De Witt tells Louisa how it has not been her experience that women are truly allowed to have everything they want. Irrespective of what choice they make in their personal or professional lives, there is an inevitable sacrifice of something that goes along with it. For Mrs. De Witt and Agnes, the choice of financial freedom and independence meant giving up their children; Louisa also experiences this, as her choice to move to New York did initially cost her relationship with Sam. These aspects of the story point to how the social obligations and expectations of women add a layer of difficulty in them being able to explore, discover, and express their true selves without inhibition or regret.
Mrs. De Witt’s and Louisa’s shared love of fashion in turn points to the need for authentic self-presentation. Both women have eclectic tastes, which have been cultivated over years of experience and emotional investment. Mrs. De Witt and Louisa both are nevertheless highly informed about the history and quality of the items of clothing they pick out. This is significant, as it indicates their sense of fashion is not accidental but a thoughtful and consciously cultivated choice. It is Mrs. De Witt who eventually encourages Louisa to own this choice and express it unapologetically when Louisa is constantly pressured by Josh to change the way she dresses. The end of the book sees Louisa finally internalizing this, as not only does she break things off with Josh, but she also decides to work with vintage clothes and, rather than adjusting her dreams to fit Sam’s life, makes the bold decision to ask him to join her instead.
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