“Margaret liked that her daughter knew her own mind and wasn’t afraid to speak it. It was an underappreciated quality in women, one that often faded with age.”

Margaret’s acknowledgment that her daughter’s confidence is not appreciated in women is typical of the novel’s time period of 1960s America. Margaret’s appreciation for her daughter’s boldness indicates that she is already the sort of woman primed to welcome the change that is coming her way, while her admission that it “faded with age” highlights how society wears down this quality, emphasizing The Pervasive Nature of Patriarchy.

“The guitar was still with them, stashed in a corner of the garage. But Walt never played it or read for pleasure anymore, and the curious and handsome young man who smiled easily and talked too much was gone. She was grateful for the man he’d become, of course, and the life he’d made possible for them. If not for Walt’s cautious self-discipline, they’d still be renters. But sometimes she missed the boy—the odd, hungry, indecisive, far-too-impulsive boy.”

Margaret reflects on how Walt has changed considerably since their early days of courtship. The juxtaposition of Walt in college and Walt as a husband is an early hint of the way Bostwick will explore the effects of a patriarchal system on men. This passage indicates the potential pressure Walt must have faced as a man expected to provide for his family and his decision to give up his dreams. Margaret doesn’t realize this yet, indicated by how she is ignorantly grateful for what she sees as Walt’s “cautious self-discipline”. She will later come to understand that this is a result of Walt being trapped within the patriarchy himself.

“Margaret felt better about this version. Not because the writing was better than her earlier attempt. She knew it wasn’t. But she wanted to do more than write well; she wanted to win.”

Margaret pens a piece on the Christmas debacle as her entry for the essay writing contest; however, after studying the contents of the magazine, she edits it to fit into the kind of pieces they usually publish, making the story a comedy-romance. Even at this juncture, Margaret is forced to mask her true feelings and present an acceptable and pleasing version of events; her willingness to do so indicates how used she is to conforming, as well as how women are pressured into conformity with the promise of rewards—acceptance, reputation, respect, and in this case, victory.

“Walt was gone. He’d left the refrigerator door half open and a frosting-smeared knife on the counter. Before walking out, he’d hacked off an asymmetrical triangle of cake, leaving a litter of crumbs and coconut on the plate and a cherry-red gash in the snowy-white icing.”

Irritated by Margaret’s elaborate preparations for the book club and the lack of a “proper dinner” for him, Walt storms off to the club, cutting a piece of Margaret’s beautifully decorated cake before he leaves. This scene is replete with imagery and symbolism: The word “hacked” calls to mind violence, and this idea is reinforced by the imagery of red against white, reminiscent of blood against pale skin. This representation emphasizes Walt’s action as one of aggression and violation—he refuses to respect Margaret’s wishes and takes what he wants from her with no regard for her feelings and desires.

“The point is less what you think it looks like than how it makes you feel. Good art, the best art, elicits a reaction of some sort, not always a positive one. It might make you feel peaceful or joyful or curious. But it could also make you feel angry or ashamed or afraid. The response will vary from person to person. But if the piece evokes something genuine, even raw, it has fulfilled its purpose.”

Charlotte takes the Bettys to an art gallery and explains to them the point of modern art. Charlotte’s explanation of the effect that art has to have on its audience draws a close comparison to how literature and stories stir up passions and emotions in the reader—Friedan’s book, for instance, instigates the Bettys to more closely examine their own lives. With its capacity to evoke strong responses, art becomes another medium that reinforces The Empowering Nature of Storytelling, one of the central themes in the book.

“The problem was that most of those women had no role models, no one to demonstrate that the formula for good leadership was nine parts discipline to one part mercy—and that the one part was equally as important as the nine. With no example to follow, some of the women Viv had served under relied on rank, inflexible adherence to regulations, and sheer meanness.”

Viv reflects on how the few women doctors she served under in the army were inflexible and mean in their leadership. This reflection highlights the negative impact of a lack of representation within systems across different levels of hierarchy. When women in leadership positions have no other model, they emulate the same exploitative, controlling behavior of those in positions of power over them. Alternatively, Viv’s interpretation of the women doctors’ “meanness” can be read as gender-biased—while she is used to seeing men behave a certain way when in power, it may be jarring to see women do the same, causing her to interpret their approach as inflexible and mean.

“Books sprung from an author’s imagination can be just as meaningful as those based on facts, figures, and events, or even more meaningful. Novels force you to think—to make your own conclusions about characters and themes, and decide if they’re valid or relevant or true or good, or the opposite, or maybe somewhere in between. My personal preference is for in between. I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody who was all one thing or the other, have you? Most people are a walking bundle of contradictions.”

Helen Babcock gives Margaret a long list of novels that she and the Bettys can read for their book club. Helen’s assertion about novels and their impact on readers is a metatextual reference, applicable to this novel: Filled with characters that are nuanced and often present as a “bundle of contradictions,” Bostwick’s novel attempts to make her readers think and draw their own conclusions. She also echoes Helen’s preference for the “somewhere in between,” offering multiple perspectives on how a woman’s life can unfold through the character arcs of her Bettys.

“She remembered what her mother, who had marched with the suffragettes as a teenager, had once said about the importance of civic engagement: ‘Had we waited for men to give us the vote, it never would have happened. We had to demand it for ourselves and do the work to see it through.’”

Margaret remembers her mother’s explanation for why she marched with the suffragettes. The idea that women have to work towards making change happen for themselves is pervasive in this book, and in keeping with the historical time the novel is set in. Margaret is primed for such action herself, having both read Friedan and encountered this idea courtesy of her mother. The reference to her mother working to gain the vote also reminds the reader of how recently even the most basic freedoms were gained.

“Since the day she was born, her family, teachers, psychiatrists, the magazines she reads, and the whole of society have been sending the message that something is wrong with her, that the things making her unique—intelligence, stubbornness, creativity, and drive—are really neuroses that make her sick and unfeminine, even unlovable. The book made me realize we have more in common than I thought, because I’ve been getting those same messages all my life too. Sometimes Mom has been the messenger. She doesn’t see that, but it’s true.”

Denise comes to meet Margaret after having read The Feminine Mystique. This passage highlights two things: Firstly, the reason why Friedan’s book resonated so deeply with so many women: For women who were constantly hearing the messages and criticism that Denise lists here, Friedan’s writing is a vindication of their feelings and a validation of their desires. It allows these women to see themselves as whole and “normal,” rather than flawed or sick. Secondly, Denise’s assertion that Charlotte has passed these same messages to her is a reminder of how, despite being victims of the patriarchy themselves, women, too, can perpetuate its ideology, consciously or inadvertently.

“During his television address, President Kennedy had said that ‘the rights of every man are diminished when the rights of one man are threatened.’ She couldn’t have agreed more. However, had she been writing the president’s speech, she would have added ‘and woman’ into the text. But it seemed things were changing on that front as well.”

Margaret reflects on President Kennedy’s speech about civil rights and the need to do away with discrimination based on race. While the idea resonates with her, she finds it lacking in its exclusion of women. This is a recurring idea in the book: Conversations around patriarchy and equality are not always complete, often leaving out or neglecting one or more cross-sections of society. Bostwick draws attention to this several times, reminding the reader that the journey towards an equal society is an ongoing one that merits constant questioning and added perspective.

“Margaret loved writing. And being paid to do it was the kind of validation that, strange as it sounded, money couldn’t buy. Every paycheck felt like a declaration that her efforts and the workings of her mind had value. But having boundaries erected around those workings, limits on what she was permitted to say, took off some of the shine.”

Margaret reflects on the dual emotions her job brings up for her—pride in her contributions, and dissatisfaction that her efforts are circumscribed. Margaret’s feelings are a typical response to the experience of limited freedoms: When the lack of independence is replaced by some allowances, it becomes difficult to turn down these opportunities even when one recognizes them as limited or lacking. For Margaret, who is tasting validation for the first time in years, the sense of worth she derives from her work is worth the conflict. It is the fear of giving up even this much worthwhile work that keeps her confirming and prevents her from rocking the boat for so long.

“Her book sparked a lot of conversations, but it’s really only directed to people like us, isn’t it? Women with choices. What if, in addition to all those Vassar coeds and suburban housewives, Betty had interviewed some of my patients? They’re widows, divorcées, single women, married women whose husbands don’t earn enough to pay the rent, women who never had a shot at college or didn’t finish high school. They might look different than us, but they want the same things. It bothers me that Betty left them out of the conversation. I mean, don’t they deserve choices too?”

Viv reflects on the gaps in Friedan’s writing, listing all the groups of women that Friedan left out in her conversation. This is a common criticism that Friedan’s writing faces—her work focused solely on white, cisgendered, heterosexual, middle-class women. Bostwick, too, is similarly limited by the characters in her novel, who all fit neatly into these boxes. While Bostwick suggests the incompleteness of Friedan’s examinations in moments like these, the book ultimately doesn’t address these gaps or further the conversation.

“Back then, a strange unsettled feeling had come over Margaret when she saw the contents of the refrigerator and the bizarre preparations her mother had made before taking her own life—as if the only thing they might miss later would be the absence of hot meals she would have provided.”

Margaret has a recurring nightmare in which she relives the day she discovered that her mother died by suicide in their home. This nightmare is an important symbol in the book, speaking to the theme of the pervasive nature of patriarchy. The imagery of the well-stocked refrigerator underscores how Margaret’s mother felt suffocated by the limitations of her responsibilities as a wife and mother. The weight of these limitations is highlighted by how her last act is to leave numerous meals behind for her family, as she sees this as the only worth she brings to them.

“‘That’s why I do it,’ he said. ‘Because I want you and the kids to have the things you want, the life you deserve. But there’s nothing special about that. It’s a man’s responsibility to provide. If that means doing a job he hates…so be it.’”

Walt explains why, despite hating his job, he is resigned to doing it for the sake of his family. His assertion that providing for his family is his sole responsibility leads Margaret to the realization that Walt is trapped and hampered in his own way—he has had to sacrifice his happiness and contentment in the fulfillment of his duties as a man. Where Margaret once appreciated Walt for his sensibility, she now sees what it costs him.

“So when I see a bright, promising young woman with a desire to enter the field, I try to help pave the way for her, the way Dad did for me. Somewhere down the road, maybe you’ll help pave the way for somebody else. That’s how the world gets better, Bitsy. One generation helping the next.”

Alice Brennan, a professor at UC Davis and Mrs. Graham’s friend, encourages Bitsy to apply to the university after hearing about her successful management of Delilah’s laminitis. Characters like Alice prove integral to the Bettys’ eventual successes down the line—women who, having found success themselves, choose to uplift other women and pave the way for more to follow. Bostwick underscores this kind of support as important for women to thrive in the workplace, as explored in the theme of Community as Sanctuary for Women.

“Do you know why money matters? Because it buys power. Power to influence outcomes and break people, power to bend the world to your will. And who has the money? The power? The control? Men. […] My mother is right. It is a man’s world. And there’s not a thing we can do about it.”

In an explosive confrontation with Margaret, Charlotte snubs Margaret’s idealism and asserts that money is important because it affords one power. Charlotte’s accurate summation of the ties between money and power, and both being vested in the hands of men, sheds light on the close ties between the systems of patriarchy and capitalism. The former demands the limitation of women to the domestic sphere, and the latter ties an individual’s worth to their economic value. In both cases, women’s labor goes unrecognized and undervalued, leaving them with no power or autonomy, financial or otherwise.

“‘Mrs. Ryan, I’m concerned about how this will impact Beth from a social standpoint. Conformity is important at this age. Don’t you want your daughter to fit in with the other girls?’

Margaret paused, thinking about roles, roadblocks, and the Bettys. ‘Believe me, Mr. MacGruber. When it comes to my daughter, fitting in with the other girls is the last thing I’m concerned about.’”

Margaret fights for her daughter to be allowed to play her instrument of choice, the trombone, at school; she pushes back against the principal who claims it is an unfeminine object and will impact Beth socially. Margaret’s willingness to support her daughter’s desires and offer acceptance rather than judgment is an example of how to dismantle oppressive systems like the patriarchy through intergenerational support. Margaret’s mother died because she found no way to realize her sense of purpose; this alerts Margaret to her dissatisfaction, leading her to introspection when she is an adult; now, Margaret uses her broader understanding of femininity and gender roles to preemptively remove the roadblocks from her daughter’s path.

“‘Today I’m…free,’ she said slowly, in a tone that mingled disbelief with wonder. ‘As of this minute, I’m nobody’s wife or mother or anything. I’m just…me!’ Bitsy’s mouth split into an enormous, delighted grin. ‘Isn’t that wonderful?’”

Bitsy is overjoyed by the end of her marriage. Of the four Bettys, she is the youngest and least experienced in life; her youth causes her to chafe, albeit silently, far more against the limitations of marriage than the others, who have spent years as wives and mothers. Her “enormous, delighted grin” after King leaves her contextualizes the joy and sense of freedom she feels at the premature dissolution of her marriage—what some might see as devastating or humiliating is purely joyful for her.

“I’m not suggesting that every housewife is discontented. Many intelligent, energetic women find joy and sacred purpose in tending to home and hearth. It’s an important task, and the women who choose to make it their career deserve our appreciation and respect. But as I discovered while reading Mrs. Friedan’s book, there are countless good and right ways to be a woman.”

Margaret pens an article about the impact that Friedan and her book have had on her and the Bettys. This passage from Margaret’s article highlights the message Bostwick constantly reiterates throughout the book: What womanhood looks like is different for every woman, and any choice that a woman makes freely and independently is a worthwhile one if it makes her content.

“It’s what men do. Why do you think they join all those clubs—the Elks? The VFW? The Masons? Congress! […] To support one another, that’s why. Why do you think they call them booster clubs? Because they’re trying to boost each other over the wall or bend the rules in their favor, help the group. If women stuck up for one another the way men do, this would be a very different world.”

Charlotte insists on paying for Margaret’s column to be published as an advertisement, pointing out that this is exactly how men behave. Charlotte’s assertion touches on the possibility of real change if women were to come together as a community intent on uplifting each other. Women have been trained to see each other as competition, but as Charlotte points out, the world will not widen for women unless they actively help each other out and create more spaces and opportunities for each other.

“Their stories were incredibly inspiring. But what Margaret loved most about the women was the way they talked to one another—sharing advice, counsel, and camaraderie, along with the occasional snarky comment. Their exchanges felt comfortable to Margaret, and familiar.”

Margaret soaks in all the stories shared by the women she meets at Mrs. Graham’s luncheon. Her experience speaks to two of the book’s central themes: The idea of community, seen in how women gather to validate each other’s work and worth and offer support and advice to further thrive; and storytelling, specifically how shared stories of struggle and solidarity can be empowering and inspiring.

“Margaret hugged her knees to her chest, thinking back to the day he’d proposed, how relieved she’d been that Walt had finally come to his senses and settled on a profession that could support a family, that could support her. But shouldn’t she have supported him as well? Considered his happiness along with her own?”

After President Kennedy’s death, Margaret and Walt reevaluate how they want to keep living their lives. This is an important turning point in Walt and Margaret’s marriage, signaling the moment that they begin to truly function as equal partners. Margaret recognizes that there are ways in which she, too, can support Walt, and not only the other way round, and this moment of vulnerability is highlighted by the image of her “hugg[ing] her knees to her chest.” This realization leads to a give-and-take between the couple that sees them taking turns at following their dreams and shouldering the burdens of domestic life equitably.

“As Betty Friedan once said, ‘You can have it all, just not all at the same time.’ People often cited that quote in reference to women. As far as Margaret was concerned, it applied to any person of any gender at any stage of life.”

An older Margaret reflects on how a popular assertion by Friedan applies to all people, irrespective of gender. This assertion is mostly directed at women, underlining the sacrifices that women constantly have to make to balance domesticity, motherhood, and a career; however, Margaret’s experiences have shown her that men, too, are forced to make similar sacrifices—for instance, trading in the freedom to live a life of their choosing for power and reputation in society, the way Walt did early in their marriage.