The Courage to be Happy: Discover the Power of Positive Psychology and Choose Happiness Every Day

The authors uphold Adler’s notions of personal autonomy, arguing that the individual is in control of their own life and fate. Trying to uphold what everyone else expects of one only leads to entrapment and discontentment, but by choosing to rely on one’s own skills, character, and beliefs, one can free oneself from impossible sociocultural standards. In practice, this might mean setting boundaries in one’s personal and professional lives—for instance, responding to work-related emails only during working hours or negotiating a more equitable division of household chores—but it fundamentally entails a shift in attitude toward owning one’s choices and abilities. For example, someone worrying about whether their contributions to a community event were noticed and appreciated might remind themselves that they cannot control others’ reactions and instead trust that they did the best they could. This shift allows even tasks that might seem burdensome to serve as vehicles for personal freedom. When a person asserts themselves and approaches their tasks in the home and workplace with care, they will find that they feel purposeful. This enhanced self-worth gives the individual the emotional freedom to invest in their relationships and contribute effectively to their community.

According to Adler, the human desire for community is a survival instinct. If the individual does not feel they belong, they will lash out in a variety of ways. Each of Adler’s five problem behaviors—which include demanding admiration, acting out, engaging in power struggles, seeking revenge, and feigning incompetence—is rooted in the personal insecurity and negative core beliefs that arise from this lack of belonging. However, the authors stress that avoiding these behaviors requires a change in internal rather than external circumstances: specifically, a change in how one sees oneself and others. The authors therefore urge readers not to blame their difficulties on past experiences, including the way others have treated them or a traumatic upbringing, arguing that the past is ultimately not responsible for how readers see the world today. For example, someone who struggles with public speaking might attribute this to negative experiences of being judged during conversations, presentations, etc., inhibiting change and fostering resentment; to break the cycle, the individual might reframe their past experiences merely as neutral events that do not dictate who they are, or even as learning opportunities. The goal is to change how one thinks about one’s relationships and experiences to change one’s outlook on life now.

Kishimi and Koga underscore Adler’s principles of self-determination and self-empowerment by framing happiness as a personal choice that is deeply connected to one’s social role. This idea intersects with the emphasis on choosing to love others; the text argues that if the individual is concerned with others’ well-being, they will derive a sense of meaning and purpose from their relationships. In particular, Adler’s framework suggests that societies run on a division of labor: If each individual member of the society completes their particular task, the society will function well, and its members will take pride in each other. Individuals should thus strive to see the social context of even tasks that might feel boring or trivial; someone who waits tables, for example, contributes to diners’ happiness, while someone doing their family’s laundry might reflect on how their efforts allow their loved ones to look and feel their best. When the individual takes pride in their contributions to society—micro or macro—they will find joy in helping their community function.