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Hannah struggles to define her identity in both narrative timelines. She desires a sense of belonging in the Oxford community as a student. Sheâs intimidated by her peers, many of whom feel far more entitled to being at Oxford than Hannah, and she often considers changing parts of herself to be more like her friends. In contrast to Hannahâs identity crisis while in Edinburgh, her struggles with identity at Oxford seem trivial. When touring her suite with November, Hannah remembers herself as being â[y]oung, happy, full of hope and promise, and so unbearably, unutterably innocent of all the horror that life could holdâ (326). The narrative describes how â[s]he stands for a moment, looking at the shadow of the girl she left behind, bidding her goodbye. And then she lets the door close, and turns to face the presentâ (326). Although finding her place at Oxford is essential to Hannah while she is a student, it seems insignificant compared to the person she becomes after Aprilâs death.
Hannahâs discovery of Aprilâs body and the initial police investigation leave her with lingering psychological distress. The tragedy of losing her friend defines Hannahâs identity in the 10 years following Aprilâs murder. During the initial investigation, the reporter and crime fanatics who find Hannah and hound her with questions cause her to move to Edinburgh, change her appearance, and pursue an anonymous lifestyle. Aside from Will, Hannah doesnât have any close relationships, reasoning that âsince April died, she hasnât allowed herself to make anyone that important to her. Because she doesnât trust them not to get snatched awayâ (95). Until Hannah becomes pregnant with Willâs baby, Aprilâs murder determines her sense of self. Hannah wishes to remove this part of her identity and often retreats to books as an escape. Even at the novelâs conclusion, when Hannah feels ready to move forward, she acknowledges that Aprilâs murder will always make up a part of her identity.
The novel further explores identity through April as the It Girl at Oxford. A beautiful, elite socialite, April fascinates people. Her Instagram feed and exposĂ©s in The Tatler give outsiders the impression that they know her, and some of their characterizations are cruel. For example, Hannah overhears people gossiping about April, saying, âThat It Girl? Oh, sheâs thick as two short planksâshe wouldnât be here if it wasnât for her dadâs moneyâ (68). As her suitemate, Hannah gets glimpses of Aprilâs vulnerable and talented sidesâand of a person who cares deeply about her friends and her academic success. April hides these parts of herself, taking âpride in the notion that she did little or no work and yet still got good marksâ (68). However, Hannah âhad heard her mention her unconditional offer and poor exam results more than once, as if daring people to put two and two togetherâ (68). April does nothing to address the untrue rumors that portray her as elitist. Her identity is defined by what other people think of her, which remains true after her death. Reporters and crime fanatics represent April by her murder, omitting the vital aspects of her life. Geraint and November realize this and plan to create a podcast focusing on the many facets of Aprilâs identity.
The novel explores the consequences of living with guilt through Hannah in the âAfterâ chapters. Hannah feels partly responsible for Aprilâs death and for mistakenly accusing Neville of murder. Even though Will tries to absolve Hannah of this guilt, she feels â[t]his is all her faultâall of itâ (85). Hannah unsuccessfully hides from this guilt for years, and it eats away at her. She experiences sleep disruptions, nightmares, and false sightings of April. When Neville dies in prison, and Hannah realizes he was most likely innocent of Aprilâs murder, guilt motivates her to investigate and uncover the truth. Even though Will assertively tells Hannah to forget about the past, she knows she canât shake her guilt and move forward until she finds out what happened to April. It becomes so important to Hannah to rid herself of this guilt that she risks her health and the health of her unborn baby.
As foil characters, Hannah and April handle the ramifications of guilt very differently. Hannah is deeply affected by the guilt she feels for unintentional wrongdoing and makes every effort to absolve herself of the responsibility. Conversely, April seems to feel no remorse whatsoever for the harm she intentionally causes. After Ryan flushes his weed down the toilet, thinking a school official is knocking at his dormitory, he accuses April of forcing him to lose his expensive stash. With obvious sarcasm, April replies, ââYeah, I made him [...] With the power of my miiind, woooh!â She made wavy ghost fingers in front of Ryanâs face, and he slapped her hand away irritablyâ (125). April accepts no responsibility for her role in the prank or for its consequences. She eventually gives Ryan money to cover the cost of his lost stash, but she does so in a way that flaunts her wealth. At times, April goes out of her way to belittle and degrade her other friends too, especially Hugh. Unlike Hannah, she seems utterly unaware of the hurt she causes her friends and acts as though itâs beneath her to apologize and make amends. Meanwhile, out of loyalty to April, Hannah feels guilty for looking at Will when heâs Aprilâs boyfriend. In the âAfterâ narrative, Hannah feels tremendously guilty for her lost relationships with Emily and Ryan, and she goes out of her way to visit them and rectify her neglect of their friendship.
As best friends and foil characters, Hannah and April demonstrate contrasting ideologies about betrayal. While Hannah is concerned about not betraying her friends, April is concerned about her friends not crossing her. After a fight with April, Hannah realizes they âhad grown an improbable but genuine affection. She couldnât betray that. Not now, not everâ (152). Hannah falls in love with Will at Oxford but restrains herself from acting on those feelings (aside from one kiss) out of loyalty to April. She defends Aprilâs reputation several times and exhibits dedication to her friend. After Aprilâs death, Hannah feels that attempting to move on with her life, even if just by deleting emails from reporters asking for a comment about Aprilâs murder, would betray her friend. She canât delete the emails or assuage her guilt until she finds Aprilâs murderer and brings him to justice. Hannahâs character exhibits loyalty and fear of betrayal.
April, however, has no qualms about betraying her friends, so much so that she occasionally resorts to extortion and regularly cheats on Will. Her final act of betrayal occurs when she uses her close emotional bond with Hannah to traumatize her by faking her death. Hannah realizes, âBut she wanted me to know what it felt like. She wanted me to feel, even if just for half an hour, twenty minutes, that tearing, unbearable knowledge of what Iâd done, and what it had cost meâ (395). April feels slighted by Hannah when Hannah develops feelings for Will, even though Hannah doesnât act on these feelings, and wants to punish Hannah for this. She betrays Hannah by exploiting Hannahâs intense feelings of friendship to hurt her. Staging her own death is a prank that requires an extraordinary amount of forethought, which demonstrates Aprilâs lack of empathy for others. She has plenty of time to reconsider this hurtful prank, but she does it anyway. April cares only about her own feelings and is unconcerned about the emotional damage she causes her friends.
Ironically, April falls victim to the ultimate act of betrayal. Hugh betrays Aprilâs trust by pretending to help April fake her own death as an opportunity to carry out his violent intentions. He gets April to put herself in a vulnerable situation so that he can kill her. Hannah considers the possibility that Hugh might have suggested the prank to April to begin with, using Aprilâs partiality to sadism to his advantage. In addition, Hugh betrays Hannah while attempting to murder her by using Hannahâs trust in him to his advantage. Because of Hannahâs faith in Hugh, Hugh can easily drug her and get her into his car inconspicuously. Like April, Hugh demonstrates no responsibility for the betrayals and harm he commits. When Will arrives at the cliffside to save Hannah, Hugh âshakes his head helplessly, and then she seesâhe is not crying but laughingâ (400). Hughâs laugh demonstrates a complete lack of empathy for people he regards as his best friends. Hugh has no moral compass, prioritizing himself over others, even at the cost of their lives.
Hannah and Ryan exemplify what it means to be an outsider at a university filled with elitism and elitist politics. Both characters frequently resent the unfair advantages that their wealthier peers enjoy, like an easier admission process and an easier time with exams. However, they also acknowledge the limits that elitist politics place on their wealthier classmates: âItâs all of them. All them private-school types getting the shock of their lives as they realize we canât all be top of the classâ (111). Hannah and Ryan lacked the support and privilege that Will, April, Hugh, and Emily experienced growing up. They werenât coddled in prep school, so theyâre better prepared for Oxfordâs competitive academic environment. Hannah realizes âshe hadnât found the jump nearly as hard as she had feared. She had never felt particularly like anyone at Dodsworth was on her sideâ (242). Hannah pities her classmates, like Hugh, who are stressed and struggle with their coursework. Because of her experience, she feels solely responsible for her academic success. Thus, Hannah sees her background as an advantage more than a disadvantage.
In the âAfterâ narrative, elitism seeps into Hannah and Willâs marriage. Upon sharing the news of Nevilleâs death with Will, Hannah observes his elitism:
Sheâs always found him hard to read in moments like thisâheâs generous with his joys, but when heâs in pain or afraid, he holds his emotions close to his chest, as if he canât bear being seen to be hurtingâa legacy, she supposes, of a military father and a boarding education at a school where showing emotion was for sissies and crybabies (23-24).
Will hides the more emotional sides of himself from Hannah, a consequence of his elitist upbringing. Hannah feels frustrated by Willâs distance, especially when they argue. On one occasion, Will orders Hannah not to travel to Oxford, and Hannah notes, â[T]hereâs an autocratic snap to it, like sheâs not his wife but his employee, his servant. And it makes all her hackles riseâ (145). Hannah is sensitive to the difference in her and Willâs backgrounds, and she resents any entitlement Will exhibits, particularly regarding Hannahâs actions. In addition, Hannah and Will struggle to discuss financial planning, even as their family grows and Hannah approaches maternity leave. Hannah is more cognizant of rising costs, while Willâan accountantâeither doesnât notice or hides any mutual concern from her. Hannah and Willâs differences in family financial planning further exemplify how their different socioeconomic backgrounds influence their marriage.



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