Gather initial thoughts and broad opinions about the book.

1. Discuss your overall impressions of This Is Not About Us. Which were your favorite and least favorite aspects of the novel, and why?

2. Discuss the overlapping elements between This Is Not About Us and Allegra Goodman’s other works. How did this book compare to The Family Markowitz, Isola, or The Other Side of the Island?

3. Compare and contrast This Is Not About Us to similar works of fiction by other authors. For example, what narrative, formal, or thematic overlap do you notice between Goodman’s novel and Sandra Cisneros’s The House on Mango Street, Elizabeth Strout’s Olive Kitteridge, or Ann Patchett’s Commonwealth?

Encourage readers to connect the book’s themes and characters with their personal experiences.

1. Reflect on Sylvia and Helen’s apple cake argument. How did you interpret this conflict, and how might it resonate with your own familial tensions? What sorts of disagreements have created lasting strife in your family, and why?

2. Discuss the Rubinstein family’s culture. How does their overarching dynamic compare to your own familial sphere?

3. Reflect on the characters’ intimate relationships. How do they compare to your own romantic experiences? Consider how Steve and Andrea, Wendy and Jill, Sylvia and Lew, or Richard and Debra relate to each other. In the context of your own experience, which of these relationships appears the most sustainable, and why?

4. Explore the role of religion and faith to the novel’s overarching plotline. What role does belief play in your life, and how does it compare to the Rubinsteins’ approach to religious tradition?

Examine the book’s relevance to societal issues, historical events, or cultural themes.

1. This Is Not About Us explores generational relationships within the context of a Jewish American family. How does Goodman balance her representations of religious tradition and convention with progressive American thought?

2. Many of the novel’s chapters focus on female characters’ perspectives. Analyze these chapters through a feminist lens. Are Pam, Wendy, Phoebe, and Debra feminists? Why or why not? How do their beliefs compare and contrast to those of Sylvia and Helen?

Dive into the book’s structure, characters, themes, and symbolism.

1. Analyze the novel’s linked short-story structure. How does each chapter build upon the next (or echo those before it) to create complex thematic examinations of autonomy, family, and love?

2. The novel is written from the third-person point of view. How does this narrative choice affect the portrayal of the novel’s narrative arc, tone, and themes? How would the novel change if it were written from various first-person points of view?

3. Explore how the novel’s micro and macro settings relate to the narrative mood. For example, how do places like Boston, the cemetery, the temple, or Helen and Charles’s home impact the characters’ emotions and choices? What might these settings represent on a larger scale?

4. Identify three symbols not explored in the guide. How do these elements further the novel’s focus on personal growth, home and family, or caregiving?

Encourage imaginative and creative connections to the book.

1. Imagine that you are adapting This Is Not About Us into a television series. How would you structure the series? Who would you cast in the leading roles and which artists might you feature in the soundtrack? Which plot points would you add, omit, or alter to make the adaptation your own?

2. Imagine an alternate ending to Sylvia and Helen’s story. What would happen if the sisters made amends? How would it happen, and what would be the result for the sisters and the rest of the Rubinstein family?