Chapters 10-13 depict a barrage of family rituals, events, and milestones in the Rubinsteins’ lives, and these new dynamics further reinforce The Tension Between Personal Autonomy and Familial Expectations. In all four chapters, the primary characters encounter difficult interpersonal dynamics that challenge their personal moral systems and sense of self. In Chapter 10, “Days of Awe,” Lily’s experience of the Yom Kippur holiday with her family makes her realize how important it is to balance her personal feelings with her familial relationships. In particular, her unplanned outing to the cemetery with Sylvia and unexpected encounter with Helen underscores the fragility of her own sororal dynamic, and she and her sister resolve to maintain a healthier relationship than Sylvia and Helen have. In this way, certain family members can serve as a “negative” example, showing others what not to do in life.

Crucially, some established characters begin having breakthroughs in their struggles to keep other family members happy. This development is best illustrated in Chapter 11, “This Is Not About Us,” as Richard’s new relationship with Heather buoys him through Lily’s Bat Mitzvah and his ongoing tensions with his ex-wife, Debra. His relationship with Heather represents his newfound determination to honor his personal autonomy: a promise he failed to keep to himself in Chapter 2 when he gave in to familial pressure and broke up with his then-girlfriend, Corinne. Now, although he honors family tradition with the Bat Mitzvah celebration, he also allows himself the space to build a new life with Heather despite the changes that this will bring to his family structure. His relationship with her represents his future as an independent man making autonomous decisions beyond his past with Debra.

However, matters grow more complicated in Chapter 12, “A Challenge You Have Overcome,” as Steve’s job loss parallels Nate’s college rejection letter, and their struggles jointly destabilize Andrea’s well-being. Andrea wants her son to go to his first-choice college and wants her husband to retain his job; however, her family members’ personal decisions do not live up to her expectations, and she must learn to let go and allow them to find their own way through these difficulties. Finally, in Chapter 13, “The Last Grown-Up,” the images of Debra alone at her home without her daughters capture Debra’s disorientation with her personal freedom. Years ago, Debra “gave up her career to manage everyone at home” (182). Now that the girls are older and staying part time with their father, Debra feels unsure how to manage her time. Although Debra is by herself for the majority of this chapter, her mind is constantly consumed with thoughts of her daughters, her ex-husband, his new girlfriend, and their new baby. This chapter offers a kinder glimpse of a character who has been somewhat vilified in stories from other family members’ perspectives. Her stream of consciousness throughout the chapter humanizes her, conveying her fear of letting go of her familial responsibilities and expectations to seize her personal autonomy.

While some chapters are more literal, others make extensive use of symbolism to explore key thematic elements, and a prime example of this dynamic can be found in Chapter 10, “Days of Awe.” Specifically, the recurring references to hunger and images of food dramatize Lily’s emotional struggles: namely, her desire and longing. Lily often feels lonely and isolated, seeing herself as a misfit in the larger family circle, and she constantly seeks solace in books, writing, and dance. In this story, her longing for connection and understanding manifests as a physical hunger—a phenomenon underscored by the Yom Kippur celebrations. Ultimately, Lily can only satiate herself by making a pact with her sister Sophie that the two will never become estranged as Helen and Sylvia have done. Contrary to the expectations of the holiday, Lily does not come out and atone for her “sins.” Instead, she stays silent when asked about the honey cake, and her transgression becomes the source of the new loyalty between her and Sophie.

The author’s use of symbolism continues in Chapter 12, “A Challenge You Have Overcome,” as the repeated references to college applications, essays, and exams collectively represent the weight of family expectations. Although Nate fails to get accepted into Brown and Steve loses his job, the chapter ends on a hopeful note—with the image of Steve buying a ficus tree that represents new beginnings. Indeed, when he carries the tree home, he comforts himself with the belief that he is “starting over,” and he feels “glad and disillusioned all at once,” deciding “[t]hat he [is] lucky to come home to Andrea and Nate” (216). Finally, in Chapter 13, “The Last Grown Up,” the ball imagery at the chapter’s end represents Debra’s attempts to give in to her new reality and let go of the expectations she has set for herself in the context of her family. As she tells her dog, “You keep looking, and if you still can’t find your ball, I’ll buy a new one. And then as soon as I buy a new one, the old one will turn up. […] It’s funny, right? But that’s just how it goes” (230). Here, Debra is talking more to herself than the dog. Although her relationship with Richard did not play out as she expected it to, Debra is trying to make peace with her current reality instead of lamenting what might have been. By reassuring the dog, she is attempting to reassure herself.