This Is Not About Us is a work of literary fiction by American author Allegra Goodman. Structured as a series of linked short stories, the novel traces the lives of the Rubinsteins, a Jewish American family. After Jeanne dies, a fight between her sisters, Sylvia and Helen, creates division between their children and grandchildren for years to come. Sylvia’s son Richard, Helen’s daughters Pam and Wendy, and Jeanne’s sons Steve and Dan are unsure how to manage their mother and aunts’ dynamic amidst the conflicts of their own nuclear families. They face financial difficulty, custody issues, new relationship troubles, and vocational disappointments as they try to remain connected and preserve their family’s traditions. Spanning over two years, the novel explores The Tension Between Personal Autonomy and Familial Expectations, The Challenges of Navigating Family Conflicts, and The Myriad Forms of Love and Caregiving.

Goodman has written over 10 works of fiction and is best known for her 2023 coming-of-age novel Sam, which has been honored as a Read With Jenna Book Club selection. She has also been praised for her 2025 historical fiction novel Isola, which became a Reese’s Book Club selection.

This guide refers to the 2026 The Dial Press hardback edition.

Content Warning: The source material and guide feature depictions of mental illness, illness, disordered eating, anti-gay bias, emotional abuse, bullying, cursing, substance use, graphic violence, death, and animal cruelty and death.

Plot Summary

Because This Is Not About Us is comprised of 17 interconnected short stories, it is also known as a short story cycle; each chapter can operate as a standalone short story or as a glimpse of the book’s larger universe. The chapters are connected in the sense that they follow the same cast of characters and feature overlapping narrative elements and thematic content. The following summary offers descriptions of each individual short story for the sake of clarity.

In “Apple Cake,” Helen and Sylvia cannot believe that their baby sister Jeanne is dying. They gather at her home with their children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, preparing to say goodbye. In the days before Jeanne’s death, Helen gets upset when Sylvia bakes an apple cake for the family without giving her credit for the recipe. After Jeanne dies, Sylvia gets upset when Helen does not honor Jeanne’s requests to be cremated and to have a secular memorial. No one understands the extent of the sisters’ disagreement, but the rift lasts for years to come.

In “New Frames,” Sylvia’s son Richard has felt unmoored ever since his wife Debra left him. He starts to feel differently when he begins dating a 25-year-old woman named Corinne, who encourages him to enjoy life and to get new glasses. While wearing his new frames, Richard feels like a different person. However, his confidence wanes when Debra confronts him about letting Corinne distract him from their daughters, Sophie and Lily. Richard abandons the frames and breaks up with Corinne.

In “F.A.Q.s,” 21-year-old Phoebe returns home from college for winter break, only to spend all of her time sleeping and ignoring her parents, Dan and Melanie. Her parents try to understand what is wrong with their typically high-functioning daughter, but she refuses to open up to them. Instead, she unearths her late grandmother Jeanne’s violin and begins busking in the city. By the end of the break, she has decided to drop out of school and busk full-time.

In “Ambrose,” 12-year-old Lily struggles with her parents’ recent divorce. She retreats into her writing world to make herself feel better, penning the tale of a girl who turns into a swan. When her parents and sister fail to understand her needs and longings, Lily throws her energy into her ballet classes, feeling as if she can fly just like the character in her story.

In “Kumquat,” Helen runs into Phoebe and her boyfriend Wyatt at the orchestra. Irritated that Sylvia gave Phoebe her concert tickets, Helen inserts herself, insisting on repairing Jeanne’s violin for Phoebe. However, when Helen judges Phoebe’s new nomadic life with Wyatt, Phoebe grows offended. When Charles later urges Helen to stop imposing her opinions on others, Helen realizes that he is right and withholds judgment from then on.

In “Wendybird,” Helen’s daughter Wendy is offended when she sends her sister Pam a hand-knitted hat, and Pam never says “thank you.” Wendy’s wife Jill urges her to set boundaries in the relationship, but Wendy doesn’t know how. At Helen’s birthday party, Jill confronts Pam for taking advantage of Wendy’s kindness and demands that she start showing Wendy some appreciation. Pam listens.

In “Redemption Song,” Dan and Melanie host one day of Passover while Steve and Andrea host another. Dan and Steve, Jeanne’s sons, always have a difficulty with the holiday, as their late father was a Holocaust survivor. Despite their upset, they decide that they must learn to be grateful and appreciate their freedom.

In “Sheba,” Jamie works as a dog-walker. One day, the gate gets left open, and one of Jamie’s canine charges, Sheba, escapes. Jamie searches the city and finally finds Sheba, then returns the dog to her owner. Jamie insists on resigning, but the owner refuses to let her.

In “Tanglewood,” Sylvia and Lew stay over at Richard’s. The visit becomes more exciting to them when Phoebe and Wyatt show up unannounced. Lily and Sophie are delighted by their cousin and her boyfriend. Everything is ruined, however, when Sylvia insists that they all attend a concert at Tanglewood. During the event, Lily and Sophie bicker, and Richard takes them home early. Hours later, Phoebe and Wyatt find Lily awake on the stairs. Wyatt plays his cello for her so that she can fall asleep.

In “Days of Awe,” Richard, Sophie, and Lily drive to Sylvia and Lew’s for Yom Kippur. At the temple, Lily feels sick, and Sylvia takes her out to McDonald’s for food. Afterward, they drive to the cemetery, where Lily is shocked to witness Sylvia talking to her late parents. Then Helen appears, but the sisters do not interact. Back at the temple, Lily tells Sophie what happened and makes her promise that they will never become estranged.

In “This Is Not About Us,” Lily prepares for her Bat Mitzvah with her tutor and her father’s new girlfriend, Heather. Although Heather is wonderful and Richard is happy, he worries that his ex-wife Debra will be upset when she discovers that he and Heather are dating. At the Bat Mitzvah, Richard accidentally reveals the relationship when he and Heather make eye contact. Debra isn’t happy, but Richard reminds himself that he and Heather are building a future together.

In “A Challenge You Have Overcome,” Andrea nervously anticipates her son Nate’s college application deadlines. She wants to help him, but he refuses her offers. Not long after applying to Brown, Nate gets a rejection letter. Then Steve is laid off from his job. Despite these setbacks, Steve stays positive.

In “The Last Grown-Up,” Debra worries about Richard and Heather’s new relationship. She is shocked that they are having a child when they have yet to get married. She also realizes how much Richard has changed in this new relationship. However, both he and her daughters are happy. Debra calls her parents, her therapist, and her sister in her attempts to work through her emotions.

In “$,” Steve tries to find a new job after getting laid off, but he is too old to get work in his field. Then he finds a ghostwriting gig through his friend Jeff. Although initially heartened by the work, Steve feels defeated when he hears how little money he will be making. Even so, Steve refuses to abandon his youthful dream of becoming a writer.

In “Nutcracker,” Debra helps her daughters to prepare for the upcoming Nutcracker performance with their ballet studio. However, as the event draws near, Debra grows worried about Sophie and Lily’s involvement with the studio. She calls Richard, telling them about their dance instructors’ cruelty, but the couple cannot agree on whether or not they should withdraw the girls from the class. After the Nutcracker performance, Debra realizes that despite her efforts to raise her girls as feminists, they have fallen for the enchanting world of dance.

In “Deal Breaker,” Helen’s daughter Pam starts dating a man named John. Although she typically tells her parents nothing, Pam finds herself gushing about John and his daughter Isabella as she visits with Helen and Charles at Thanksgiving. Her parents are thrilled, and Pam feels happy. Not long afterward, however, she ends the relationship when John fails to introduce her to Isabella. She is surprised to discover that Helen is supportive and comforting.

In “Poppy,” Sylvia and Lew race to Richard’s home after Heather has the baby. Sylvia is thrilled to learn that they are officially naming him Mordechai after her late father, but she is shocked when they reveal that they will be calling him Charlie instead. Sylvia is also shocked that Heather had a home birth, that Sophie witnessed the birth, and that the family didn’t hire a caterer for the bris (the ritual surrounding the circumcision). However, she withholds her commentary and quietly observes her family celebrating.