Verity

“It’s hard to say why I have such a deeply crippling aversion to other humans, but if I had to wager a bet, I’d say it’s a direct result of my own mother being terrified of me.”

Lowen reflects on the origins of her avoidant tendencies. She is self-aware enough to trace her issues to her complicated relationship with her mother. Hoover sets up Lowen’s difficult backstory and builds suspense throughout the novel as Lowen slowly opens up to Jeremy and shares the reasons for Lowen’s sense of self-doubt.

“It’s why we broke up—because I refused to choke him. But sometimes I wonder where I’d be had I entertained the urge. Would we be married now? Would we have children? Would he have moved on to even more dangerous sexual perversions?”

Lowen reflects on an ex-boyfriend from her early twenties. She often wonders what her life would be like if she had given in to her boyfriend’s more violent sexual desires. Sex features heavily throughout Hoover’s novel as a representation of more violent, raw, and animalistic urges. Verity serves as a representation of this in her autobiography as she recounts her sexual escapades with Jeremy in incredible detail.

“I have to stop looking at my life through my mother’s glasses.”

Lowen catches herself looking down on herself and the current state of her life. This indicates a desire within Lowen to depart from the guilt and shame instilled in her by her mother. Lowen’s growth develops from her desire to break free from the traumatic childhood she endured and take control of her own life.

“My mother used to say that houses have a soul, and if that is true, the soul of Verity Crawford’s house is as dark as they come.”

Lowen documents her first impression of the Crawford house in Vermont. Hoover sets an ominous mood that leaves Lowen feeling uneasy from her arrival. Here, Lowen looks at the house as a representation of Verity. This marks the beginning of the suspense that Hoover features throughout Lowen’s time in Vermont.

“Verity is looking right at me through the window, her head turned toward me, her eyes locked on mine. I bring my hand up to my mouth and step back; I feel threatened.”

Lowen begins to doubt Verity’s inability to move and grows increasingly more unnerved. This is one of multiple moments when Verity makes Lowen feel this way. The use of the word threatened implies a sense of danger that intensifies as the novel progresses.

“Does Jeremy think I wanted a lock on the inside of this bedroom door because I don’t feel safe in this house? I hope not because that’s not why I wanted the lock at all. I wanted a lock so they would all be safe from me.”

Jeremy has placed a lock on Lowen’s door after she casually mentions it. Lowen worries that Jeremy feels she does not trust him when, in fact, she does not trust herself. Lowen’s lack of trust in herself paralyzes her emotionally. This serves as a point of departure as Lowen grows more confident as the novel develops.

“The more I read, the more unsettled I become. The more unfocused I become.”

Lowen describes the deleterious effect reading Verity’s manuscript has on her. The novel distracts Lowen from her work and unsettles her to her core. This demonstrates the power of Verity’s words, which reflect a raw and unfiltered truth that is often brutal.

“I’m not sure how much longer I can try to convince myself that I don’t have a serious crush on that man. I’m also not sure how much longer I can try to convince myself that Verity is a better person than she really is.”

Lowen expresses her growing feelings for Jeremy. As they grow closer and closer, Lowen struggles to deny her undeniable connection with Jeremy. Lowen’s relationship with Jeremy unlocks a sense of power that changes Lowen permanently.

“The strength in his hug eases, and at some point, we’re no longer hugging. We’re holding each other. Feeling the weight of how long it’s been since either of us has probably felt this.”

This moment marks the first time Lowen and Jeremy embrace. Their connection is an emotional one unlike the merely sexual connection documented by Verity in her autobiography. Both Lowen and Jeremy hold each other throughout the novel as they come to rely on one another to survive the grief that surrounds them. This connection carries through the end of the novel.

“An unsettling energy buzzes throughout the house. It’s always here, and I can’t seem to shake it. It seems to be getting worse at night, nocturnal and intense. I’m sure it’s mostly in my head, but that doesn’t put me at ease, because the things lurking around inside the mind can be just as dangerous as tangible threats.”

Lowen reflects on how increasingly uneasy she feels in the Crawford house. The paranoia she feels originates mainly from her imagination. However, Lowen remarks on the power of the mind to influence what we perceive as truth or reality. Throughout the novel, Lowen attempts to navigate what is truth and what is fiction.

“A small part of me wants to defend myself, but there’s nothing to defend. I can’t tell him I’m harmless, because I’m not sure that I am […] I’m not horrific yet, and I don’t trust myself enough to say that I never will be.”

Lowen says this the morning after she sleepwalks and wakes up in Verity’s bed. Overwhelmed with shame, Lowen falls back into her patterns of self-loathing. Afraid of what she is capable of, Lowen attempts to run away but is stopped by Jeremy. This serves as a turning point in Lowen’s development.

“It was like my family existed in a snow globe. Inside, everything was cozy and perfect, but I wasn’t a part of them; I was just an outsider looking in.” 

In her autobiography, Verity describes how she feels like an outsider in her own family. Verity expresses a discrepancy between what her family looks like on the outside as opposed to what she feels on the inside. Such a discrepancy leads to questions about what truth is. Verity explores these questions in her autobiography.

“I’m aching everywhere because he’s so close, but I don’t know what I’m allowed to do about it. I want to drop my fork, I want him to drop the plate of cake. I want him to kiss me. But I’m not the married one here. I don’t want to make the first move and he shouldn’t make the first move, but I’m desperate for him.”

Lowen conveys how her feelings for Jeremy are intensifying. She repeats the phrase “I want” to reflect the all-consuming nature of her desire. Her use of the word “desperate” reflects the depth of her desire. As Jeremy and Lowen grow closer, their feelings are unable to be subdued.

“I’ve spent most of my life not trusting myself in my sleep. Now I’m starting to not trust myself when I’m awake.”

Lowen wonders whether she is seeing Verity move. She begins to question her own reality. Hoover examines the power of perception to influence the actions of her characters and of humans in general. This also reflects on how impacted Lowen is by Verity, her double.

“I kneel down in front of her, positioning myself so that I’m directly in her line of sight. I’m shaking, but not from fear this time. I’m shaking because I am so angry at her. Angry at the type of wife she was to Jeremy. The kind of mother she was to Harper. And I’m angry that all this weird shit keeps happening and I’m the only one who is witnessing it. I’m tired of feeling crazy!”

Fed up, Lowen confronts Verity. This moment marks a huge shift for Lowen as she does not run away from the complicated emotions that Verity inspires within her. Rather, she moves into action and expresses her turbulent emotions openly. Lowen avoids her anger but embraces it.

“When I open my eyes, I see a man who, for once, isn’t thinking about anything other than what’s right in front of him. There’s not distant look in his eyes. It’s just him and me in this moment.”

As Jeremy and Lowen begin to have sex for the first time, she notices that he is not distracted by his grief or commitment to Verity. In this moment, their relationship allows them to be in the moment with one another. Hoover depicts the significance of Jeremy and Lowen’s relationship in freeing both of them from the pasts that haunt them.

“I’ve fallen in love with him because of Verity’s words. Everything she revealed about him has given me insight into the kind of person he is, and he deserves better than what she gave him. I want to give him what she never did.”

Lowen remarks on the depth of her feelings for Jeremy. She attributes these deep feelings to the power of Verity’s words. Lowen sees a need to take the place of Verity and provide Jeremy with the loving family that he did not receive in his marriage to Verity.

“It was as if everything Verity had put him through and everything he’d seen was embedded into his soul, and he had carried that with him through childhood.”

Lowen remembers a dream she has of Crew as a teenager. She envisions Crew as evil. Lowen attributes this evil to the trauma that Crew experienced at the hands of Verity. Lowen is reflecting on the ways in which her own trauma as had an impact on her life.

“There’s a plea in his eyes, but it’s not a plea for me to call for help. It’s a plea for me to help him figure out a better way to end her.”

After discovering Verity has been pretending to be ill, Jeremy confronts Verity in anger. His rage at what he believes Verity has done leads him to seek revenge for Harper’s death. In this silent moment, he solidifies his bond to Lowen as he attempts to find a way to kill Verity without being caught.

“It was an exercise. That’s it. A way to tap into the dark grief that was eating at me and eliminating it with every stroke of the keyboard. Putting all the blame onto this fictional villain I had created in that autobiography was one of the ways I coped.”

In her letter to Jeremy, Verity attempts to explain why she wrote the fake autobiography. She discusses how she used her writing as a method of coping with the death of Chastin and Harper. Verity speaks to the power of writing to unleash the grief carried by the writer. Here, Hoover remarks on the role villains play in allowing humans to explore the darker sides of humanity.

“I needed for the imaginary version of my world to be darker than my real world. Otherwise, I would have wanted to leave them both.”

Verity continues to explain why she chose to write the fake autobiography from the perspective of herself as a villain. Verity shares how the imaginary and twisted world she created allowed her to escape the unimaginable grief she faced in the aftermath of her children’s deaths. Verity remarks on the power of villains to show humans how lucky they are for the worlds they inhabit.

“Jeremy would never forgive himself. Never. If he found out the manuscript wasn’t real and that Verity never harmed Harper, he wouldn’t be able to survive that kind of truth. The truth that he murdered his innocent wife. That we murdered his innocent wife.”

After reading Verity’s letter, Lowen considers whether she should tell Jeremy the truth about the autobiography. Lowen understands the power of guilt to destroy. Hoover comments on the ways truth can both uplift and decimate. This commentary reflects the ambiguous nature of truth.

“I brought light into his darkness, and I will continue to be that light so he’ll never be lost in the shadows of his past.”

Lowen commits to not telling Jeremy the truth about the autobiography. She sees herself as the light to Jeremy’s former darkness of grief and guilt. Hoover portrays Lowen’s final actions as selfless and heroic. “The shadows of his past” reflect the depression that once consumed Jeremy. Lowen hopes to allow Jeremy to move forward in his newfound peace.