We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life's 20 Questions

Chapter 5 explores the fundamental challenge of identifying personal desires in a world that often disconnects individuals from their authentic needs. The authors examine how societal expectations and conditioning—particularly for women—create barriers to accessing genuine wants and needs. The chapter presents intuition as a reliable internal compass, describing it not as mystical but as a scientifically studied process that “operates through the entire right side of the brain and through [the] gut” (115). While this simplified neurological explanation doesn’t fully align with current neuroscience (which shows decision-making involves complex networks across both brain hemispheres), the authors’ emphasis on bodily sensations connects with research on embodied cognition, a field that emerged in the late 20th century that examines how physical states influence thought processes.

The authors offer multiple practical approaches to reconnecting with personal desires. These include experimenting with new possibilities, listening to bodily sensations, paying attention to negative emotions as data points, using imagination as a guide, and creating physical distance from distractions. Their discussion of experimentation acknowledges the continuous nature of self-discovery, positioning authenticity not as a fixed destination but as an ongoing orientation. This perspective reflects contemporary psychological understandings of identity as fluid rather than static.

A significant cultural critique emerges in the chapter’s exploration of gendered socialization patterns.