Heidi is a playwright and actor who leads the performance by alternating between her 45-year-old self and her enthusiastic 15-year-old self. As a teenager, she holds an earnest, unironic love for the US Constitution and its potential to protect American citizens. As an adult, she reflects on her past, her ambient fear of men, and the generational domestic trauma experienced by the women in her family. She questions whether the document she once revered actually protects vulnerable people or merely reinforces patriarchal power.

Mike Iveson is an actor and Heidi's real-life friend, brought into the performance to provide positive male energy. He initially plays the role of a traditional, rule-enforcing Legionnaire based on a real World War II veteran. Mid-play, Mike drops his character to speak directly to the audience as himself, sharing his experiences as a gay man who learned to perform generic masculinity as a defense mechanism against homophobia.

Rosdely is a poised, confident teenage debate champion from New York City who participates in the second part of the play. She stages an extemporaneous, parliamentary-style debate with Heidi over whether the US Constitution should be abolished. She represents a hopeful, capable new generation of young women taking up the mantle of civic discourse.

Thursday is a high school senior with extensive experience in criminal justice internships and legal outreach programs. She alternates performances with Rosdely, stepping onto the Broadway stage to debate Heidi about the merits and failures of the Constitution. Highly focused and socially aware, she envisions a future for herself in law and politics.

Heidi's mother is a feminist and debate coach who survived a profoundly abusive childhood at the hands of her stepfather. She actively secures a better future for her daughter by traveling the country with her and cultivating her debate career. She balances her progressive feminist ideals with a deep-seated fear that Heidi might suffer abuse from men.

Betty is Heidi's maternal grandmother, a tall, strong woman who was trapped in an abusive second marriage. Though teenage Heidi blames her for failing to leave her violent husband, adult Heidi comes to understand that Betty used passive compliance as a survival tactic while secretly saving money to ensure her children could eventually escape.

Heidi's aunt is a survivor of severe domestic abuse and incestuous rape by her stepfather. Alongside Heidi's mother, she demonstrated immense bravery by reporting the abuse to the police and taking the stand to testify against him in court.

Theresa was a German immigrant who was essentially trafficked to Seattle over state lines to serve as a mail-order bride. She lived a brutal life in a city marked by rampant violence against women, ultimately dying in a psychiatric hospital at the age of 36 after bearing sixteen children.

Mel was a World War II veteran and American Legionnaire who formed a grandfatherly attachment to teenage Heidi during her debate tours. Though deeply emotionally invested and proud of Heidi's public speaking success, he felt compelled by his era's standards of traditional masculinity to hide his tears.

Becky is a fellow teenage debater who competes directly against Heidi. She successfully connects with the judges by utilizing her family's pioneer history, famously comparing the Constitution to a patchwork quilt during her well-received speeches.

Jean is the man who impregnated Heidi during her young adulthood. When she decides to terminate the pregnancy, he acts as her confidant and offers to drive her the three hours needed to reach the out-of-state clinic.