When Heaven and Earth Changed Places: A Vietnamese Woman's Journey from War to Peace

“It meant that people, not monsters, made war. It made me suddenly aware that the human sadness in Ky La was not natural, or the ordinary way of the universe.”

When Hayslip was very young, the war between the French and Viet Minh raged. She thought of the French as snake monsters. Her realization that the enemy were human beings, outsiders or those of another race, made her appreciate the tragedy of war and caused her to see the new outsiders, or Americans, as the enemy initially.

“Whenever we turned something in to the Viet Cong—even something as small as a mess kit or pocketknife—we were rewarded like heroes. Handmade medals were pinned to our shirts and our names were entered on the Blackboard of Honor.”

The Viet Cong were careful to educate villagers about the war and thus win their support. For children, such accolades for services were treasured. Most children initially thought of the war as a game.

“For every American who yielded the right of way to us on the road, many more bullied us like cattle. For every Republican whose politeness reminded us of our sons and brothers, there were others who acted like pirates.”

Because Republicans and Americans more often treated the peasants poorly, the words of Ho Chi Minh and the Viet Cong made sense: These were foreign invaders who looked down upon ancient traditions. For that reason, most people in Hayslip’s village, including her family, supported the Viet Cong.

“If the Republicans were like elephants trampling our village, the Viet Cong were like snakes who came at us in the night. At least you could see an elephant coming and get out of its way.”

Soon after the war began, the Viet Cong instilled fear in the peasants. Neighbors spied on one another. It became apparent that neither side was looking out for the welfare of peasants and the impact on Ky La was devastating.

“When the Viet Cong began to condemn us for practicing what they claimed to be protecting, we began to suspect—at least in our hearts—that the new war we began with high hopes was over, and that another sort of war had begun.”

Initially, the peasants considered the Viet Cong to be defenders of their culture against imperialists. When the Viet Cong then condemned the rituals of Buddhism and the ancient practices of peasants, the war became senseless. Family and respect for ancestors were more important to Hayslip and others like her than adherence to abstract labels.

“I might be arrested again by the Viet Cong, or perhaps by the Republicans—but what did it matter? […] I no longer cared even for vengeance. Both sides in the terrible, endless, stupid war had finally found the perfect enemy: a terrified peasant girl.”

It was no longer clear to Hayslip what the purpose of the war was. Both sides victimized peasants who experienced the devastating impact of the war. Hayslip hints here as well that vengeance contributes to a cycle of violence.

“Our life in Ky La had finally become intolerable. That morning on her knees—the four crumpled bodies beside her, the cocked pistol behind her ear, eternity staring her in the face—had turned the world upside down for my mother. She no longer understood what the war, truth, or justice were about.”

Hayslip’s mother had failed to warn two Viet Cong soldiers about a threat in time and they were killed. She and others were then taken to a Viet Cong meeting where other women were shot in the head. If not for the intervention of Hayslip’s uncle, her mother would have been killed. She had not intentionally failed but was now branded an enemy in a senseless war.

“Put up with things. Do the best you can. If I had an epitaph for those last months in Anh’s house back in 1966—and a benediction for what lay ahead—it would have to be those words.”

Hayslip’s personal philosophy and attitude got her through difficult times. Taking her father’s advice, she was willing to endure hardship and make the best of all situations. Instead of adherence to a rigid ideology, she chose survival.

“As we would all find out later, the luxury of such formal rites—of saying goodbye to loved ones, celebrating a marriage, holding funerals—would be one of the first things we would lose when the new war gathered force.”

Before he left Ky La to evade the Republican draft and join the Viet Cong, Sau Ban, Hayslip’s beloved brother, was married in a ceremony attended by 30 people and he was able to say goodbye to his family. In the coming years, family members would be ripped from one another and all rituals discontinued.

“The experience with the surly attendant confirms one lesson I had learned so far from my travels in this new Vietnam: because nobody is special, nobody cares especially what happens to anyone else—whether he is properly served or if the product he buys works the way it should.”

On her return trip to Vietnam in 1986, Hayslip comments on the lack of respect given to all individuals. Having lived in the US since 1971, Hayslip was accustomed to individual rights and customer service. In her view, adherence to dogma had eroded ancient customs of politeness and respect for others.

“It seemed a curious quirk of nature that the same machine—the same men—could act as tormentors in one instance and saviors in another. It occurred to me then that many things I had previously seen from one side might, in fact, have other perspectives.”

While US helicopters were terrifying in Ky La, they saved her from a group of thugs about to rape her in Danang. It was a transformational moment for Hayslip, who highlights the complexity of characters and notes that there are good and bad people on each side of the war.

“This created a new class of privileged people—wealthy young officers, officials, and war profiteers—who supplanted the elderly as objects of veneration. […] It was a common sight to see old people prostrate themselves before these young demigods. […] It was a world turned on its head.”

The war completely uprooted traditional culture and demeaned those in Vietnamese society who were previously revered. Hayslip wonders what abstract ideals could justify such a perverse impact. Hayslip highlights the corruption of the Republican side in observing this reversal in fortune as well.

“Don’t wonder about right and wrong. Those are weapons as deadly as bombs and bullets. Right is the goodness you carry in your heart—love for your ancestors and your baby and your family and for everything that lives. Wrong is anything that comes between you and that love.”

Stressing The Importance of Family Over Abstract Labels, Hayslip’s father gave her this advice. He advised her to return to her son and focus on him. That victory was more important than any purpose of the war.

“To create the perfect prison, the Communists have turned the prisoners into wardens: the whips and chains carried in their hearts.”

On her return visit to Vietnam, Hayslip was dismayed by the fear and distrust among the citizenry. Her family was fearful of associating with an American in front of others, and all evidence of Hayslip’s gifts was kept inside the home. The concern was the reaction of other villagers who kept each other in line.

“In a way, Ky La had spawned its own ‘lost generation’: brothers and sisters who had never known love, family rituals, and peace—only terror, starvation, and war.”

As the war dragged on, children knew only its reality and depravation. The Devastating Impact of War in Vietnam was not just a matter of destruction and death but a matter of robbing the Vietnamese of cultural life. Hayslip wonders how these children will learn the ancient traditions and be respectful of their ancestors.

“Things were bad for everyone after liberation, not just the ex-Republicans. […] [H]eaven and earth changed places! I was near death twice, did you know that?”

Hayslip names the book for this phrase, which emphasizes the importance of perseverance in adversity and recounting past experiences and history to gain strength. Her mother explains here the importance of persevering in the adversity following liberation, chastising Ba, an ex-Republican, for withholding Hayslip’s gifts from her. Hayslip uses the phrase to highlight the importance of telling stories from the past to achieve peace and strength.

“Our goal was to make Vietnam a sovereign nation and leave it better off than before. We succeeded in the first. Our task now is to succeed at the second. To do that, we’ll need the help of every Vietnamese, wherever in the world they live.”

These are the words of the Communist officials with whom Anh and Hayslip shared a meal. These officials were well intentioned and wanted to improve life for their people. Hayslip was pleased that these Communists had broken the cycle of vengeance and mistrust and were reaching out to her, an American, for the common purpose of helping Vietnam and its people.

“It does not seem appropriate to point out that many Americans spend more money than she makes in a year simply to lose the weight they gained by eating food they didn’t want.”

Given the contrast in wealth between the US and Vietnam in 1986, Hayslip felt awkward when asked about life in the US. She was evasive in her answers, noting the positive and negative aspects of both countries instead of gloating about her comparative wealth.

“We had started as a very unlikely ensemble: the one-time millionaire; the peasant girl turned American tourist; the cocky, sad-eyed veteran; and the anxious bureaucrat. Now, after nothing more than a good meal and a little kindness, we were almost talking like family.”

Referring to the four people on her state-sponsored tour of the countryside in 1986, Hayslip highlights the significance of small gestures. Something as simple as paying for a good meal could break the cycle of mistrust.

“Has Vietnam gone so far down the road toward materialism—the very thing Bon Nghe and everyone else fought against for twenty years—that the magnet of simple family love has lost its power to attract even the most opposite of relatives? I cannot—will not—believe it has.”

Hayslip was taken aback when her nephew asked why a rich ex-pat would return to Vietnam. She explained the importance of family and how that had drawn her back to the land of her ancestors. She invoked the Buddhist notion of life’s circle and stated that she must come back to start again. The adult women were overcome with emotion at this response.

“Fate or luck or god has delivered me to my relatives safely, closing the first great circle of my life, and I feel an immense mountain of peace rising inside me.”

While Hayslip knew that it would be painful to leave her relatives so soon, she felt a great sense of peace after finding them. She was relieved to see that her family still loved and accepted her. With this chapter or circle of her life complete, she was invigorated to approach a new one.

“Hating people who had wronged me only kept me in their power. Forgiving them and thanking them for the lesson they had taught me, on the other hand, set me free to continue on my way.”

Hayslip stresses the positive effects of Breaking the Cycle of Vengeance and Distrust. On a personal level, it sets one free and gives that person peace. It is the only way forward that advances humanity, suggests Hayslip.

“You’ve done your homework, Bay Ly. The rest of us—well—our whole world turned upside down because we didn’t learn our lessons about getting along. And we’re still in trouble for it, aren’t we?”

Hayslip’s mother was commending her, whom she calls Bay Ly, for the ability to forgive and get along with others. That is the key to peace and Breaking the Cycle of Vengeance and Distrust, which had caused such harm to the Vietnamese people.