Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

This chapter discusses the concept of codependency through the story of Lisa, illustrating how childhood experiences with addiction shape adult relationship patterns. Norwood presents codependency as an unhealthy relational pattern that develops when individuals become closely involved with someone who has an addiction. The chapter establishes that codependents typically exhibit low self-esteem, a compulsive need to be needed, strong urges to control and change others, and a willingness to endure suffering—characteristics that mirror those of women who love too much.

Lisa’s narrative demonstrates how growing up as the child of a mother with an alcohol addiction fundamentally altered her understanding of love and relationships. From an early age, she reversed roles with her mother, becoming the caretaker while her mother became increasingly dependent on alcohol. This role reversal created a profound confusion between love and being needed, establishing a pattern where Lisa equated feeling loved with being essential to someone else’s survival or happiness. Her subsequent relationships with men replicated this dynamic, as she consistently chose partners who required rescuing or fixing.

The chapter’s treatment of addiction as a parallel process between substance abuse and relationship dependency represents a significant contribution to understanding unhealthy relationship patterns. Norwood’s comparison between Lisa’s mother’s alcohol addiction and Lisa’s addiction to troubled men provides a framework for understanding why individuals repeatedly choose unsuitable partners despite obvious harm.