Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of addiction and substance use.

Norwood argues that genuine love involves caring for another person’s well-being without losing oneself in the process, while loving too much manifests as obsession that causes pain and dysfunction. The author provides specific warning signs: When conversations center obsessively on a partner’s problems, when one makes excuses for harmful behavior, when one feels responsible for fixing or changing someone, and when the relationship threatens one’s emotional or physical health. In practice, healthy love means maintaining one’s own friendships, interests, and goals even while deeply caring for someone. For example, someone who finds themselves canceling plans with friends to stay home waiting for a partner’s call, lying to family about relationship problems, or feeling physically anxious when their partner doesn’t respond to texts immediately may be experiencing obsession rather than love. The key is learning to distinguish between normal concern for a loved one and the all-consuming preoccupation that characterizes destructive relationship patterns.

Norwood demonstrates that an individual’s family of origin creates unconscious templates that guide their adult partner selection, often drawing them toward people who recreate familiar emotional dynamics from childhood. For instance, someone who grew up with an emotionally distant parent may unconsciously choose partners who withhold affection, mistaking the familiar anxiety of trying to win someone’s love for romantic chemistry.