Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change

Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He’ll Change by Robin Norwood, originally published in 1985, is a groundbreaking work in the field of relationship psychology and codependency recovery. Drawing from her professional background as an addiction counselor, Norwood presents a comprehensive analysis of destructive relationship patterns that primarily affect women who become obsessively involved with emotionally unavailable or troubled partners. The book targets women caught in cycles of dysfunctional relationships, as well as therapists and counselors seeking to understand the psychological mechanisms behind codependent behavior.

This guide refers primarily to the ebook edition published by Tarcher, which reproduces the original 1985 text along with an updated introduction and resource section. However, where relevant, the guide refers to terminology and wording from the 2012 audiobook edition; this edition contains more updated language (for example, the term “co-alcoholic” is updated to “codependent”).

Key Takeaways:

• Learn the Difference Between Love and Obsession
• Examine Your Childhood Patterns to Understand Your Relationship Choices
• Seek External Support Instead of Trying to Fix Relationship Problems Alone
• Distinguish Between Helping and Controlling
• Learn to Tolerate Healthy Relationships Even When They Initially Feel Boring
• Prioritize Your Own Recovery Over Changing Your Partner

Content Warning: The source material and guide feature depictions of suicidal ideation, death by suicide, mental illness, illness, disordered eating gender discrimination, antigay bias, child abuse, child sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, substance use, sexual content, and addiction.

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Summary

Norwood’s central thesis positions “loving too much” as a genuine addiction comparable to substance dependency, arguing that women from dysfunctional families unconsciously recreate familiar patterns of chaos and rescue in their adult relationships. The book begins by establishing clear diagnostic criteria for recognizing when love becomes obsession, demonstrating how childhood experiences with absent or critical parents, as well as those with substance use disorders, create adults who mistake emotional drama for deep connection.

Through detailed case studies, Norwood illustrates how these relationship patterns manifest across different scenarios. She shows how sexual intensity can mask emotional emptiness and how women who love too much unconsciously choose partners who need “fixing.” She explores how both partners in these dynamics serve each other’s psychological needs, creating mutually reinforcing cycles of dysfunction that become increasingly difficult to break.

The book’s practical value lies in its systematic approach to recovery. Norwood presents a 10-step program modeled after addiction recovery principles, emphasizing that healing requires external support, spiritual development, and fundamental shifts in behavior rather than willpower alone. She addresses common recovery challenges, including the paradox that healthy relationships may initially feel boring or anxiety-provoking to women accustomed to crisis and drama.

Throughout, Norwood maintains that recovery is possible but cautions that it requires long-term commitment and professional support. The book concludes by examining how genuine intimacy differs from the adrenaline-fueled intensity of dysfunctional relationships, offering hope that women can learn to distinguish between authentic love and the familiar patterns of suffering they may have mistaken for devotion.