50 pages • 1-hour read
You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience
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Chapters 6-8Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Chapter 6 Summary: “Love Lifted Me: Subverting Shame Narratives and Legitimizing Vulnerability as a Mechanism for Healing Women in the Black Church by Tracey Michae’l Lewis-Giggetts”
Tracey Michae’l Lewis-Giggetts opens by examining the figure of the Black church lady—a woman who holds a position of power and morality within the church while projecting shame upon other women in the church. Lewis-Giggetts argues that the church lady’s shame is never about the action itself, but rather is based in the publicness of an act and the failure to maintain secrecy. Lewis-Giggetts grew up in the church and learned early on that her value was tied to her ability to deny the self and promote a patriarchal understanding of God. She learned to be quiet and to protect herself by believing she was of little value. As a girl, Lewis-Giggetts was molested, and her family’s relationship with religion places her as the protagonist of a complex shame narrative.
Lewis-Giggetts explains that work on shame often leaves out the ways systemic oppression affects Black women and girls. Even if Black women engage in a process of healing and a denial of shame, the society they live in demands that they devalue themselves and their survival demands they conform. Religion requires certainty, and that assuredness is held in place by shame. Lewis-Giggetts suggests that this is in direct opposition to the teachings of Jesus who embraced women that others were quick to dismiss. Religious institutions, which should represent and manifest love, often look like rigid systems of oppression to those outside and inside of them. However, religious certainties have functioned as a way for Black individuals to exert control over their lives in a system that strips them of their autonomy. The downside, Lewis-Giggetts asserts, is that shame is the tool by which religious certainty is maintained. She hopes that church and God will come to mean something other than shame for Black communities and that they will become synonymous with love and healing.
Chapter 7 Summary: “Never Too Much by Marc Lamont Hill”
As a boy, Marc Lamont Hill was taught not to cry, and he learned that masculinity is tied to a suppression of emotionality and an emphasis on physical strength. Pop culture provided few examples of Black maleness, and those it did offer were disconnected from many Black men or confirmed traditional masculinity. Untangling these lessons led Hill down a path of embracing vulnerability and accepting the way his own actions promoted the advancement of patriarchal culture.
Hill explains that patriarchal masculinity promotes a hypersexualized and hyperviolent view of maleness. This understanding of masculinity is perpetuated by white supremacy which upholds a patriarchal society marked by power and privilege: “Like the invented category of [w]hiteness, masculinity is an inherently corrupt idea” (70). As Hill began to unpack his own relationship with masculinity and vulnerability, he began to see how he needed to radically rethink his way of life. White supremacy severed him from his emotions, and this disconnection left him searching for anything that might make him feel connected once again. Hill argues that confronting fear and shame is a necessary step for dismantling patriarchal power over one’s life, and that it is important for Black men to work on their daily actions, not just their politics, and to model vulnerability.
Chapter 8 Summary: “We Are Human Too: On Blackness, Vulnerability, Disability, and the Work Ahead by Keah Brown”
Keah Brown, author and disability rights activist, opens her essay by explaining that she is still figuring out what it means to be herself. She explores the labels that defined her throughout her life: Black, disabled, and queer. As a Black woman with cerebral palsy, Keah Brown was taught from an early age to see her disability as something to be ashamed of. Every time someone looked at her, she perceived herself as “the other.” Keah Brown learned to internalize shame and to nurture it. Now an adult, Keah Brown relays the difficult process of unpacking her experiences, and how shame takes on new forms. Instead of feeling ashamed of who she was, she became ashamed of her shame, and angry at herself for carrying the burden of self-hatred for so long.
Keah Brown shares how learning to forgive herself and understanding how shame functions led her to become an advocate for disability rights. Keah Brown developed the hashtag #DisabledandCute which went viral in 2017. She wrote books and delivered a TEDx talk. When others stated that her young age meant that she could not speak with authority, Keah Brown fought back, knowing that sharing her lived experiences has nothing to do with preaching. While she is still trying to figure out who she is, Keah Brown believes it is important to speak up and speak loudly as someone who is engaged in a process of learning.
Chapters 6-8 Analysis
The three chapters in this section reveal new contextual understandings of shame in Black communities. Lewis-Giggetts explores the intersections of race, gender, religion, and shame. Lewis-Giggetts describes how dominance trickles down in religious culture; Black women in churches inflict their own shame upon younger generations. Hill rounds out the discussion by introducing concepts of Black masculinity and the hyperviolent and hypersexualized expectations of Black men. Keah Brown confronts attitudes about disability and how those perceptions pervade self-worth. Lewis-Giggetts, Hill, and Keah Brown contribute to the theme Vulnerability as Resistance by describing modes of healing born out of wholeheartedness.
In her 2010 Ted Talk, “The Power of Vulnerability,” Brené Brown recounts her process of qualitative coding. She examined the stories of individuals and looked for patterns. Many of the stories revealed people who—although they still had shame—had learned to love themselves and others. Brené Brown was eager to name this secret sauce to life, and she created the term “wholeheartedness.” People who possess this quality are able to live with love, even while understanding that their lives were filled with risk and heartbreak. She wanted to comprehend what might motivate someone to live this way.
Brené Brown’s 10 guideposts for wholeheartedness are reflected in the healing processes described in this section. Each guidepost has two parts: something to let go of and something to cultivate. The concepts to let go of—things like comparison and need for certainty—are built upon a foundation of shame. Those concepts for cultivation—such as creativity and gratitude—are built upon a foundation of vulnerability.
All 10 guideposts are rooted in vulnerability, and these essays expand on Brené Brown’s ideas and demonstrate the theme Vulnerability as Resistance. Keah Brown advocates for the development of resilience and the acceptance of oneself, including acceptance of those moments when one is not utilizing self-love and self-acceptance. Brené Brown’s third guidepost for wholehearted living indicates the release of powerlessness and the cultivation of resilience, and Hill champions joy as a means for healing. Brené Brown’s tenth guidepost recommends letting go of being in control and replacing this state of being with laughter and joy, and Lewis-Giggetts exposes the secrecy and shame that pervades religious culture, further mirroring Brené Brown’s first and second guideposts: authenticity instead of worrying about what others think, and self-compassion in place of perfectionism. Cultivating wholeheartedness is part of a continual process of vulnerability. By living a wholeheartedly, the authors in this section show that vulnerability is its own form of resistance. They deny the shame that has been given to them as the dowry of white supremacy and pursue radical self-acceptance.
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