50 pages • 1-hour read
You Deserve Each Other
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Character Analysis
Naomi
Naomi is the protagonist and point-of-view character of You Deserve Each Other. In appearance, Naomi is a white woman with light-brown hair. Internally, she loves pretty things and artistic visions of magical settings. In addition, fall is her favorite season because of the colors and pumpkin flavors, which makes her conclude that her “aesthetic is aggressively, unapologetically basic” (8). Naomi’s character arc centers on The Importance of Living Authentically—she grows from trying and failing to embody the expectations of others and embraces her true self. She enjoys decorating, and her simple but fun design preferences are an extension of her simple but fun nature. At her core, Naomi wants to feel appreciated for who she is and not judged because she enjoys being simple. These wants are at the center of her deteriorating relationship with Nicholas. Compared with his college education and job as a dentist, Naomi feels like her high school diploma and part-time job at the Junk Yard make her look like a failure. Much of her anger toward Nicholas is a preemptive defense of who she is, even though she knows she doesn’t need to defend herself to anyone, least of all him.
Naomi’s tragic flaw is her tendency to assume things about other people, specifically Nicholas. Throughout the book, Naomi withdraws because she believes Nicholas is judging her. This belief comes from the real judgment she receives from Deborah and the fear that Nicholas is just like his mother. In reality, this is not true, and Naomi’s conviction shows how her uninformed decisions sow division. Instead of talking to Nicholas, Naomi withdraws because she’s afraid the conversation won’t go the way she wants. She would rather insulate herself within her judgments than learn the truth, because she fears getting hurt. It takes most of the book for her to realize that she’s been the one hurting her, not Nicholas. While Nicholas is not blameless, Naomi’s refusal to communicate with him, coupled with her tendencies to withdraw and lash out, cause much of the tension in the relationship. When Nicholas starts to change, Naomi is forced to remember his good qualities. Once she does, she can no longer think of him strictly as her enemy. She remembers his caring and compassion, even though they have been absent lately. She realizes she still has feelings for Nicholas because he’s worth her time and affection. Naomi understands she must let go of her assumptions and change internally before she can change the relationship.
Nicholas
Nicholas is Naomi’s love interest and a central character in the novel. Since the novel is told completely from Naomi’s perspective, the reader only gets to know Nicholas through Naomi’s lens. As a result, early understanding of Nicholas’s character is muddled by Naomi’s attitude, which makes Nicholas come across as an uncaring, pompous jerk. In addition, it is difficult to tell if Nicholas truly is trying to push Naomi away or if Naomi just thinks he is. Through Nicholas’s character, Naomi becomes an unreliable narrator because her limited perspective keeps Nicholas’s true feelings secret from the reader. Toward the end of the book, Hogle reveals that Nicholas has been trying to save the relationship all along, which positions Naomi’s perspective on his early behavior as, in part, a projection of her own fears. The narrative positions both Nicholas and Naomi as complicit in the deterioration of their relationship, highlighting The Destructive Nature of Poor Communication in Romantic Partnerships. Nicholas fails to communicate openly with Naomi in the early chapters, and he acts disdainful of her friends because he believes they dislike him.
Nicholas deals with his own struggles as an individual, particularly where his mother is concerned. Naomi’s greatest problem with Nicholas is how he kowtows to everything his mother wants, and regardless of what else Naomi thinks about Nicholas, this is true for most of the book. Nicholas comes from a wealthy family, and he looks the part with “an aristocratic, pretty-boy face, all sharp angles and quiet allure” (133). His good looks and family dynamics have led him to feel intimidated by his mother, and he struggles to assert himself and escape from under her thumb. Lacking the emotional strength to stand up for himself, Nicholas puts his mother before Naomi for much of the book, which contributes to the deterioration of their romantic relationship. As Naomi starts to stand up for Nicholas, Nicholas learns to stand up for himself. Thus, who Nicholas is in his relationship with Naomi helps him change who he is as an individual, supporting The Importance of Living Authentically. When Nicholas finally figures out how to set boundaries with his mother, he and Naomi come fully back together. Like Naomi, Nicholas needs to find who he is as an individual before he can fully commit to someone else.
Deborah
Deborah is an external antagonist for both Nicholas and Naomi. Deborah lives in the past, represented by how her home resembles a museum, and she holds the people in her life to the standards that were expected of her when she was young, believing those are the ultimate standards to be met. For Nicholas, Deborah is a suffocating force from his childhood that has persisted into adulthood. Deborah has paved and paid Nicholas’s way through life and school, and because of this, he feels indebted to her. Thus, he does everything she wants and showers her with gifts because it is what Deborah expects of him. Similarly, Deborah’s attitude acts as an obstacle in Nicholas and Naomi’s relationship by making Naomi feel unworthy. Since Naomi doesn’t come from money and didn’t attend college, Deborah looks down on her, believing she’s not good enough for Nicholas. Deborah takes control of the wedding, viewing it as a reflection of her and worrying that Naomi will ruin it. Hogle characterizes Deborah’s actions as passive-aggressive—outwardly amicable while committing small, frequent acts of sabotage such as downsizing Naomi’s dress and hinting that Naomi needs to lose weight. By the end of the book, Naomi and Nicholas distance themselves from Deborah, establishing healthy boundaries that protect their relationship.
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