You Deserve Each Other

Throughout You Deserve Each Other, Naomi grapples with who she is, both as an individual and as a member of a couple. As Naomi struggles to reconnect with her authentic self over the course of the novel, she begins to see her identity as both an internal truth and an external expression of that truth. The contrast between Naomi on her second date with Nicholas and the engaged version of Naomi who no longer recognizes herself highlights her sense that she’s lost herself in the relationship. Hogle emphasizes both poor communication and the external expectations placed on them by Nicholas’s family as contributing factors to Naomi’s insecurity and unhappiness. In her relationship with Nicholas, Naomi feels she’s suppressed her true self—a creative, fun-loving person—in favor of becoming the woman Deborah and, she assumes, Nicholas thinks she should be. This suppression of self directly contributes to the deterioration of her relationship with Nicholas, making Naomi feel incapable of pursuing things that bring her joy. 

The loss of her job at the Junk Yard exacerbates Naomi’s identity crisis, raising the stakes of the plot and defining the trajectory of her arc toward self-reclamation, which ultimately leads to the restoration of her romance with Nicholas. When Nicholas and Naomi’s relationship is at its most contentious and resentful, Naomi’s one refuge is her job at the Junk Yard—the place that makes her feel the most like her true self. The shop’s assortment of novelty items and strange decorations provides an outlet for Naomi’s creative expression. When the store closes, Naomi feels lost because she no longer has a place where she feels free to be who she truly is—an external crisis that pushes her toward growth. As a result of the store closing, Hogle suggests, Naomi channels her creative energy into playing pranks on Nicholas instead—a playfulness that begins maliciously but ultimately allows her to be her authentic self around him again. As she reconnects to these lost parts of herself, she feels more confident and comfortable expressing herself with Nicholas. For example, she’s able to communicate her vision for their new house, redecorating it so the house feels like both hers and Nicholas’s—a critical step in reimagining their future together. 

Reconnecting to her authentic self allows Naomi to reconnect to the idea of both herself and Nicholas as worthy of love. The sense of fun and creativity that Naomi unlocks in her pranks on Nicholas opens her up to the possibilities of honest communication between them. In Chapter 9, Naomi and Nicholas have their first heartfelt discussion in a long time—a turning point that shifts their relationship trajectory toward healing. During this conversation, Naomi reconnects to the things about Nicholas she will always associate with him, such as his particular scent, emphasizing the importance of their shared history rooted in attraction and affection. She realizes that, even if they break up, Nicholas has “invaded so many of [her] levels, there’s no getting rid of him” (152). Naomi’s rejection of the ways that Deborah has made her feel less than worthy in her engagement to Nicholas in favor of embracing her authentic self allows her to experience her attraction to him unfettered by external expectations or personal resentment. 

As Naomi acknowledges and appreciates the ways Nicholas’s presence in her life has irrevocably changed her, she’s able to objectively consider whether a future with Nicholas is what she truly wants. Following this, Naomi realizes how much of herself she’s put into the relationship and how difficult, both emotionally and physically, it would be to separate their lives. While this difficulty is not a reason to stay together if the relationship isn’t working, it does show Naomi the level of commitment and shared expression existing between her and Nicholas. Leaving him would mean leaving part of herself behind and taking part of him with her, and she realizes she doesn’t want to do this, because what they built together is beautiful. In seeing how she is intertwined with Nicholas, Naomi realizes she can be both an individual and a part of a romantic partnership. Her identity encompasses more than one single form of expression.