48 pages • 1-hour read
All We Ever Wanted
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Themes
The Concept of Truth in the Digital Age
Content Warning: This section of the guide discusses the novel’s depiction of non-consensual sharing of sexual photos, sexual assault, and attempted suicide.
Giffin’s novel takes place during a time when people are easily accessible through technology. She illustrates how conveniently people can make assumptions about others, and how technology provides ambiguity. For example, when Finch takes pictures of Lyla at Beau’s party, he effortlessly blames Polly. He can easily lie that she stole his phone, causing the honor board to rule there “wasn’t enough proof” (325) to place all the blame on Finch. It may be clear to the reader and the characters involved, such as Lyla and Polly, that Finch is lying. However, Giffin uses technology, specifically social media, to depict how easily one can hide from the consequences of their own actions.
The characters’ understanding of truth warps. They attempt to maintain their trust in others while also bringing the truth to the forefront. When Lyla learns about the picture, she feels as though she could move past the turmoil that comes with it. Her crush on Finch, “the boy [she’d] been obsessed with for going on two years,” allows her to forgive his actions (70). Since Lyla has such a strong crush on Finch, she immediately wants to put space between her feelings for him and his actions, and to have a chance to date him. The first picture Lyla discovers for herself is ambiguous enough that Finch is able to craft a story that blames Polly. Lyla, who wants to trust Finch, focuses on having empathy for him. She easily believes him when he claims that “Polly has a lot of issues” (170). Lyla quickly remembers rumors she heard “about an eating disorder and cutting” (170) being spread about Polly.
The concept of truth becomes convoluted and hard to discern. Information, whether true or false, spreads easily through technology. Lyla struggles to separate her emotions from the truth. The use of technology also allows for her to constantly be in contact with others, which perpetuates her understanding of the truth. Through texting, Finch and Lyla are able to create the impression of a relationship. This furthers her feelings for him and allows him to continue to lie to her.
The Dichotomy Between Personal Integrity and Societal Pressures
Societal pressure to maintain appearances plays a pivotal role in how the characters make decisions. The community around Windsor, and subsequently Nashville, appear as though they either have money or look better than others. Nina marries into a wealthy family, and, for most of the novel, she feels as though she must play a certain part within her community. In contrast, Tom places little importance on his status in the community. He stands alone, and does not easily give in to the societal pressures around him.
At the beginning of the novel, Nina admits that part of her attraction to Kirk was “the patina and security of a ‘good family’” (5) and believing that she would be seen as successful and stable. The importance of appearing successful pushes Nina to marry Kirk in spite of his “elitist tendencies.” When she discovers what Finch has done, Nina realizes that she must do the right thing rather than keep up appearances. Nina feels as though “honesty and truth and character”(300) are far more important than maintaining a pristine reputation, and doesn’t lie to save face. Melanie’s implication that she would do anything for her son, including lie and obstruct justice, does not sit well with Nina. Nina realizes that her personal integrity and morals do not align with the society around her, signifying growth.
Tom already recognizes the dichotomy between personal integrity and societal pressures. He imagines that he will hate Nina, but “couldn’t muster anything stronger than a mild, theoretical dislike for her” (135). Tom relies on his own understanding and perception of others rather than abiding by societal stereotypes, such as that of a wealthy white woman like Nina.
Tom and Nina are able to align themselves with their own morality and perspectives rather than focusing on societal norms or expectations. This allows them to move forward with how they deal with Finch and Lyla’s conflict, staying true to their own values.
The Impact of Privilege and Social Class
In the novel, money and status are used to take advantage of others, typically in a lower economic class. At the beginning of the story, Nina says that Kirk finds it easier to give money than to spend time helping people, and that the reputation they have of being charitable allows for them to maintain a high level of status:
I spent every month answering calls on Nashville’s suicide helpline. Of course I hadn’t admitted that Kirk sometimes minimized that kind of volunteer work, insisting that I was better off ‘just writing a check.’ In his mind, a donation of dollars always trumped time; the fact that it came with more splash and credit was beside the point (6).
This reveals how much emphasis Kirk and other people within their community place on money. Kirk feels he can do whatever he likes because he can pay his way out of it, and values money over the well-being of others. Rather than using his time to make a difference, Kirk sees his wealth as a way of not having to worry about others. He belittles Nina for volunteering her time when money allows them to donate and promotes their status in the community. Their social position, money, and appearance allows them to move through life with privilege, and to use their privilege for their own gain.
Giffin also examines class through Tom, who is of a lower economic class. Tom has contempt for the Brownings and other rich families of Windsor. When Kirk offers Tom $15,000, he is offended that “this joker” could attempt to buy him off. While the novel implies that his anger is justified, it also suggests that Tom shouldn’t make assumptions about people just because they are wealthy and of a higher social class. For example, Tom easily and unfairly puts Nina into the same category as Kirk, even though she proves to be different and more compassionate.
Lyla provides an alternative look at how those in a lower social class can be impacted by privilege—“[…] if money and appearances and stuff like that don’t matter, then they shouldn’t matter either way” (291). Tom’s notion that money and status don’t affect their outward appearance should extend to those in a wealthier economic class, Lyla argues. Rather than placing all wealthy people in a stereotypical box of being manipulative and selfish, Lyla challenges Tom’s perspective.
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