In the dissolution of Ifemelu’s relationship with Curt, we see her self-destructive tendencies emerge, as well as her restlessness. “‘[Y]ou cheat on Curt because at some level you don’t think you deserve happiness’” (355), Ginika tells her. Ifemelu dismisses this, but has to admit that she does not understand why she slept with her neighbor. “There was something wrong with her…A hunger, a restlessness. An incomplete knowledge of herself” (358). Perhaps, because Curt and his friends would never truly understand her, to be around them was to not understand herself, as well. She thinks back on her relationship with Curt, “his sunny charm” (362) masking all the ways in which he did not understand her struggles. He discounted or brushed off many of Ifemelu’s claims of the racial slights she endured during their relationship, but after the breakup, feels a desire for understanding.

It is Curt’s honest, innocent ignorance that leads her to create her race blog, seeking out those who do understand. “How many other people chose silence?” (366) she wonders. “How many other people had become black in America?” (366). The comments section of her blog is filled with those who can empathize, not simply sympathize. She feels as though she is doing a good thing, illuminating the reality of race in America. Yet, when she discovers that those who hire her for corporate diversity talks do not want be lectured or judged, but rather to “feel good about themselves” (377) she capitulates, telling them what they want to hear. She justifies this by reminding herself that the people at the diversity talks would never read her blog, so a different tone can be used. Still, her blog takes as much from her as it gives, and she has “growing discomforts” (379) about angry blog readers “biding their time until they could attack her, unmask her” (379).