Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging

The novel takes the form of a diary kept by Georgia Nicolson, a fourteen-year-old girl living in England, as she chronicles a year of adolescent humiliations, friendship dramas, and her obsessive pursuit of a boy she calls the "Sex God."

Georgia's diary opens in late August with a catalog of everything wrong with her life: a spot on her nose, a three-year-old sister named Libby who may have urinated in her room, the approaching return to her all-girls school (which she calls "Stalag 14," a reference to a prisoner-of-war camp), and the fact that she recently attended a party dressed as a stuffed olive in a chicken-wire costume. Her best friend, Jas, tells Georgia that boys do not like girls "for funniness," preferring softer, more traditionally feminine girls, which offends Georgia deeply.

As the school term nears, Georgia's anxieties multiply. She worries about her large nose, her lack of romantic experience, and her chaotic family. While attempting to groom her eyebrows with her father's razor, she accidentally shaves them both off, leaving her housebound for days until Jas draws replacement eyebrows with eyeliner. Georgia and her friends devise "Operation Sausage," a method of rolling the school's required beret into a tiny sausage and pinning it invisibly to circumvent the dress code enforced by their headmistress, nicknamed Slim for her enormous size.

The friends visit Jennings' greengrocer shop so Jas can see Tom, a boy she has a crush on who works there. While Georgia buys apples, Tom's older brother Robbie Jennings emerges from the back room. Georgia is immediately overwhelmed by his appearance and mentally dubs him the "Sex God." She resolves to become more mature to attract him, adopting yoga routines and face masks, though her efforts are constantly undermined by Libby, who uses Georgia's sanitary towels as doll hammocks.

The first day of school is a disaster. Georgia oversleeps and, while sprinting to the gate, crashes into Robbie, who says, "You're keen." Her form teacher turns out to be the dreaded Hawkeye Heaton, with whom Georgia has a history involving escaped locusts that ate the biology lab curtains. Through a classmate, Katie Steadman, Georgia learns that Robbie's parents own the shop, and Katie invites her to a party to which Tom and Robbie have also been asked. On the street, Georgia encounters Robbie while pushing Libby in a stroller and attempts a carefully controlled smile, but Libby announces, "Georgia did a big poo this morning."

Desperate for kissing experience before the party, Georgia visits Peter Dyer, a seventeen-year-old who gives informal kissing lessons, and he rates her "a natural." At Katie's party, Peter leads Georgia behind a tree for more practice. She trips, Peter falls on top of her, and they are discovered by Robbie and his girlfriend Lindsay, an older student. Georgia's skirt has ridden up, and Robbie looks annoyed. Peter later asks Georgia to the cinema, but she feels no genuine interest. After one date, she asks Jas to break up with Peter on her behalf. Jas tells Peter that Georgia thinks she is a lesbian, and the rumor spreads through school.

Georgia's home life grows more complicated. Her father announces that due to redundancies at his company, he plans to fly to Whangamata, New Zealand, after Christmas to explore a job opportunity, with the family potentially following later. A Christmas dance is announced at Foxwood School, with Robbie's band, The Stiff Dylans, performing. Georgia begins a tentative relationship with Mark, a boy from her street who resembles Mick Jagger. At the dance, Mark's wild dancing embarrasses Georgia, and a fight breaks out when Mark and his friends rush the stage. Shortly after, Mark dumps Georgia, telling her she is "too young." Robbie comments to Georgia, "Nice company you keep," and she retorts that she is not interested in his opinion, privately thrilled by her own boldness. Her father departs for New Zealand in Uncle Eddie's motorcycle sidecar. Even Georgia cries.

In January, Jas has been absent from school, supposedly with glandular fever. Georgia visits and discovers Jas is actually depressed about never getting a boyfriend. Georgia uses techniques from her mother's self-help book to encourage Jas, and Jas gradually recovers. Meanwhile, Georgia's mother hires a young, attractive builder named Jem to decorate the living room, and he spends a suspicious amount of time at the house. Libby begins calling Jem "Dad."

In February, Robbie approaches Jas at the school gate and asks her to coffee. Georgia is devastated, interpreting this as betrayal, and kicks Jas during a fierce argument. She goes to elaborate lengths to avoid Jas, walking on the opposite side of the road and hiding behind hedges. The crisis dissolves when Georgia's friend Rosie phones with news: Robbie only wanted to ask Jas if she still likes Tom, because Tom still likes her. Georgia and Jas reconcile after Jas delivers a written apology with a crucial postscript: Robbie is not engaged to Lindsay. Georgia seizes on this, deducing that Lindsay's supposed engagement ring is her own fabrication.

Georgia develops a plan to assess Lindsay and Robbie's relationship. Wearing all black, she and Jas follow Lindsay home and spy through her bedroom window, watching Lindsay remove the ring and place rubber inserts in her bra. They follow her to the cinema and analyze her greeting kiss with Robbie, concluding it lacks passion. Georgia's father calls from New Zealand, and when he says he misses her, Georgia is overcome with unexpected emotion.

At a pajama party in June, Tom arrives and rekindles his relationship with Jas. Georgia stands up to Jackie Mathews, a tough girl who has been pressuring classmates into shoplifting, grabbing Jackie's arm and twisting it behind her back, earning widespread respect. When The Stiff Dylans play at the Market Place, Robbie finds Georgia alone during a break and kisses her, saying he has wanted to for a long time. Days pass without a follow-up call, and Lindsay confronts Georgia, claiming Robbie said Georgia had pathetically "flung herself on him."

Robbie eventually meets Georgia at her house. He denies saying anything negative to Lindsay and kisses Georgia but tells her he cannot date her because she is too young. Nearly eighteen, he says he would feel like he was "cradle-snatching." He gives her a final kiss and leaves. Georgia also confronts her mother about Jem, and her mother tearfully denies any affair, confessing how much she misses Georgia's father.

Robbie dumps Lindsay, who arrives at school with swollen eyes. Georgia's beloved cat Angus then goes missing, and she grows increasingly distraught. She bleaches a streak of hair white with her grandmother's denture peroxide, hoping to look more mature. Robbie arrives with Angus, whom he tracked down after hearing about a found cat. Georgia attempts a hair-flick, but the bleached streak snaps off in her hand. Robbie laughs, says, "God you're weird," and kisses her, suggesting they start seeing each other quietly. Georgia is elated, but her mother arrives home with plane tickets to New Zealand for the following week, having interpreted Georgia's earlier indifference as agreement to the trip. The diary ends with Georgia's anguished realization that she has finally become Robbie's girlfriend only to be taken to the other side of the world.