Attention Seeker

Darcy Michael is a Canadian comedian and content creator who, alongside his husband Jeremy ("Jer"), produces short internet videos about their neurodivergent home life for millions of online followers. In this memoir, he traces his life from childhood through internet fame, examining how undiagnosed ADHD, or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, shaped his relationships, career, and sense of self for nearly four decades.

The book opens with a pivotal scene from 2018. Darcy, then 38, was in the Hollywood Hills working on a sitcom commissioned by CTV, a major Canadian television network. The showrunner, or lead writer-producer, was Bruce McCulloch, a founding member of the Canadian sketch comedy troupe The Kids in the Hall. During their first session, Darcy was unable to focus: he went outside to smoke, fixated on a dying tree in the yard, and pulled up a television episode on his laptop. After an hour of zero productive work, Bruce closed the laptop and asked, "How long have you had ADHD?" Darcy reacted with shock, but a quieter part of him began to wonder whether Bruce was right. This question propels the narrative backward through his entire life.

Born on April 2, 1980, in Ontario, Darcy is the son of Cheryl, a Sunday School teacher, and Tom, a Toronto SWAT team member. The family moved to Vancouver's North Shore in 1988 when Tom took a corporate security job. Tom carried unaddressed post-traumatic stress, and young Darcy took on the role of making his father laugh at dinner to defuse tension. Nobody flagged Darcy for ADHD during school; teachers categorized him as a "Theater Kid," and the school, he notes, was more quietly concerned about his emerging homosexuality than about any behavioral symptoms.

At 18, Darcy accidentally came out to his mother by blurting that he loved his friend Dave. His mother was stunned, her fears centering on AIDS. Darcy packed a bag, unsure if he would be allowed back. That night, his father called and ordered him home. Tom was drunk, the only time Darcy has ever seen him drunk. As Darcy stood on the landing, Tom rushed downstairs and embraced him: "I could never hate you ... You're my son, you are me." Darcy draws a parallel between coming out and later receiving an ADHD diagnosis: Neither changes who you are, but both bring understanding that allows love to deepen.

After high school, Darcy moved to Toronto to pursue comedy, taking two classes at the Second City improv school before dropping out. He spent six months experimenting with drugs, working at a record store, and missing an audition by an entire day after walking miles without a map. Returning to Vancouver, he took a bank job, and his father soon discovered $25,000 in credit card debt Darcy had accumulated in Toronto, illustrating the dopamine-driven spending common to people with ADHD. He memorializes his childhood friend Jeff, who died of cocaine addiction at 22, and cites statistics showing that adults with ADHD have a far higher prevalence of substance use disorders.

Around 2002, while working at a ski-vacation call center, Darcy began chatting online with Jeremy through an early dating site. Their first date at Jupiter Café in Vancouver produced an unfamiliar response: Darcy's bouncing leg went still, his heart steadied, and his racing mind focused. He identified this calm as what he had been missing his entire life. They took things slowly, an unusual choice for someone prone to hyperfixation, an unusually intense focus on a single interest. Darcy met Jer's toddler daughter, Grace, and moved to Ladner, a small village outside Vancouver. The couple married in 2004, shortly after British Columbia legalized same-sex marriage.

After the wedding, Jer signed Darcy up for a stand-up comedy class, recognizing his natural talent. Years of incremental progress followed: a filmed special nobody watched, a hosting pilot for the Oprah Winfrey Network not picked up after Darcy learned Oprah specifically did not like him, and touring gigs in venues where he faced anti-gay threats. He discusses rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD), the tendency of people with ADHD to experience criticism or rejection in an amplified way.

A celiac diagnosis and removal of precancerous polyps triggered a hyperfixation on weight loss. Darcy lost 120 pounds in six months through obsessive exercise and controlled eating he later identifies as disordered. During this period, he threw away unread scripts for a CTV sitcom. He eventually auditioned, did not get the lead, but was cast as a recurring character on Spun Out, starring Kids in the Hall alumnus Dave Foley. Foley gave him financial advice that curbed Darcy's spending impulses, though Darcy struggled with memorizing lines and heavy drinking on set. His deeper challenge was object permanence, the difficulty retaining awareness of people not physically present. Away in Toronto for months, he lost touch with Jer and Grace. Jer sent a blunt email telling Darcy to come home or there might not be a home to return to. Darcy flew back, and they developed new strategies: daily calls, a 10-day maximum separation, and family photos placed in his suitcase.

Spun Out was canceled after a castmate's arrest. Darcy's close friend Ashley was diagnosed with cancer. He returned to Los Angeles, where Bruce McCulloch asked the fateful ADHD question. Darcy discovered the "ADHD iceberg" graphic online, showing that visible symptoms like fidgeting represent only a fraction of the condition's full scope, and obtained a formal diagnosis. Rather than transforming his life, he mostly took medication and filed the information away, entering a grieving process common to adult diagnoses: mourning the life he might have lived.

He filmed a streaming special, Darcy Michael Goes to Church, which aired to near-total silence. CTV canceled his development deal. Ashley died. Darcy describes this convergence as rock bottom: "Once you get to the real rock bottom ... you'd just as soon stay down." He turned to houseplants for solace and told Jer he was ready to retire from comedy.

A credit-funded trip to Europe renewed their bond. Back home, they adopted a golden retriever named Yuma, whose rock obsession went viral on TikTok. Darcy started his own account, posted an old stand-up clip, and forgot about it for days. When he checked back, it had millions of views. During the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic, he and Jer began making domestic comedy videos, and their following exploded to millions, averaging 50 million views per month. Darcy realized he was working again as a comedian, from home, without leaving his family.

Jer quit his corporate job to join full time. They launched a live show before 1,200 people, dedicating a seat on stage to Ashley and raising over $6,000 for the BC Cancer Clinic. A 55-city "No Refunds" tour followed. In Times Square, they saw their names on a billboard and wept, only to learn minutes later of a credible threat against their lives. They established "Project Rip Cord": If public fame ever threatened their relationship, they would delete everything and walk away.

They impulsively bought a house on Vancouver Island and settled into domestic life. Their comedy album debuted at number one on North American charts, alongside a stand-up special and documentary. In the epilogue, Jer reflects on what living with Darcy's ADHD has taught him about empathy, recognizing that Darcy's irritability at airports stems from sensory overload, not anger.

In a late-breaking afterword added after the book's primary narrative had concluded, Darcy reveals that a planned second tour was postponed because his mother's cancer returned. Within four days of finishing the manuscript, Jer was also diagnosed with cancer. All logistical, financial, and caregiving responsibilities now fall on Darcy. This standalone memoir ends with both diagnoses unresolved; Darcy jokes that readers should "tune in to my next book to see which characters I killed off," while noting that writing this memoir gave him the tools he needs to care for the two people who matter most.