63 pages • 2-hour read
Dare I Say It: Everything I Wish I'd Known About Menopause
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Foreword-Chapter 2Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Foreword Summary
Dr. Mary Claire Haver, author of The New Menopause, collaborated with Naomi Watts as a medical expert for Watts’s company, Stripes Beauty—a company that centers on educating and assisting perimenopausal and menopausal women. While treating patients in her clinic, Dr. Haver noticed that women often seek self-help resources to deal with menopausal symptoms. This, combined with her respect for Watts, has resulted in her strong support for Dare I Say It.
Dr. Haver describes Watts as “wonderfully open” in her menopause advocacy efforts. She acknowledges the social stigma surrounding menopause, which has led to a lack of awareness, making Watts’s open communication on the topic critical—“By being honest about her own and her friends’ experiences in dealing with the shock of menopause, Naomi offers validation to other women and makes them feel less alone” (xii). Dr. Haver also emphasizes the depth of Watts’s research, noting the large number of experts Watts consulted.
Introduction Summary: “What Is Menopause?”
Watts was informed she was in perimenopause—a transitional phase leading up to menopause marked by fluctuating hormones, irregular menstrual cycles, and occasional menopausal symptoms—when she was 36 and trying to get pregnant. While Watts tried to crack a joke at the time, she was fearful that she would never be able to give birth. She reflected on how little she knew about menopause and was informed that menopause officially occurs one year from a woman’s last period, with 51 being the average age of menopause. Women also often experience perimenopause symptoms for years leading up to menopause because of declining estrogen levels.
Watts reflects on her early symptoms of perimenopause, including hot flashes and irregular periods, and on her lack of knowledge regarding the topic, questioning why her mother or any other of the strong women in her life didn’t warn her—“How absurd that something so common should be so taboo” (xvii). She examines the various reasons menopause has been treated as a controversial topic, suggesting that women have been conditioned to accept suffering. Watts also discusses the prevalent misinformation and lack of understanding about menopause, which often leads to misdiagnosis of perimenopausal patients.
While Watts had thought about writing a book about menopause years before beginning Dare I Say It, she was too scared to start the book earlier, worried that drawing attention to her age would result in the end of her acting career. Watts describes how isolated she felt, even though there are around 1 billion menopausal women. She considers why society is relatively silent about menopause, suggesting that doctors, in general, do not have the time or expertise to properly address menopause-related issues, a result of existing patriarchal systems. Watts expresses her desire to uncover all the “gory details” of menopause, breaking this long-held silence, explaining that eventually, she became so angry that she no longer cared about drawing attention to her age and risking her acting career. As a result, she founded Stripes Beauty in the fall of 2022.
After founding her company, Watts began writing Dare I Say It, aiming to reach women who have been or will be impacted by menopause. She notes that some of the discussion will be “unladylike,” and she identifies a humorous side effect of her work—other celebrities reach out to her when they hit menopause. Watts acknowledges that she is not a medical professional, but she is skilled at recognizing and organizing potential, allowing her to compile an empowering mix of expert knowledge and personal anecdotes.
Chapter 1 Summary: “Discomfort Zone”
Watts reflects on two of her most memorable hot flashes from her early forties, one on a plane and another while she was on vacation. She also describes the experience of another woman who had a plethora of perimenopause symptoms that she and her doctors failed to realize were associated with her perimenopause. Hot flashes are among the most notable symptoms of perimenopause, and Watts describes their intensity and immediacy. Along with hot flashes, Watts also experienced night sweats, which she sometimes still has, despite being on hormone therapy to mitigate her symptoms. Watts offers a few remedies for hot flashes, including wearing layers, monitoring triggers, and using cooling methods like ice water and fans. She adds that hot flashes are associated with both cardiovascular disease and Alzheimer’s; they also interfere with sleep, potentially leading to worse overall well-being. She quotes Dr. Sharon Malone, who argued, “[W]omen need to understand that hot flashes are not benign, and they’re not funny” (6).
Watts’s hot flashes and night sweats were accompanied by unexplained migraines and frequent urinary tract infections (UTIs). She was prescribed several different antibiotics that failed to address her UTIs and resulted in further health complications, including gastrointestinal (GI) issues. She has since learned that urinating before and after sex, along with hormone therapy, can help mitigate menopause-related UTIs, which often stem from a lack of natural lubrication. UTIs and other genital issues, like pain during urination, are referred to as “genitourinary syndrome of menopause” and are a result of low estrogen levels (8). Watts also notes that she uses healthy lifestyle choices to mitigate her GI issues, as estrogen alone often cannot resolve menopause-related symptoms.
Citing Dr. Kelly Casperson, Watts addresses the tendency for women’s suffering to go overlooked. Men, she argues, are rarely asked if they are “suffering enough,” whereas women are often asked if they are suffering enough to “justify treatment.” Watts declares that women should not have to suffer at all, concluding the chapter with a summary of the advice she believes should be common knowledge.
Chapter 2 Summary: “My Infertility Story”
Watts describes her paradoxical experience of becoming a mother and entering perimenopause at the same time, describing how both menopause and infertility made her feel “confused” and ashamed. She had wanted to have children when she was younger but did not start trying until she was 36, at which point she experienced fertility complications due to perimenopause. At first, she blamed herself and worried that her then-partner Liev would leave her. She set out to circumvent menopause, subconsciously tying her worth to her fertility. She pursued both modern and traditional treatment routes, consulting fertility specialists and a Chinese herbalist, willing to risk her health to undergo these treatments—“‘I’ll worry about my liver later,’ [she] said” (17).
After reading Inconceivable by Julia Indichova, Watts made lifestyle changes and began monitoring her reproductive health. She became pregnant but lost the pregnancy in the first trimester, later learning that rates of pregnancy loss increase with age. Watts became “obsessed” with her fertility, almost to the detriment of her relationship. She discusses a friend who underwent similar infertility issues, introducing the concept of disenfranchised grief, or the grief associated with the loss of a potential future.
Watts learned she was pregnant again while filming Eastern Promises. She remembers driving a motorbike with a helmet-less Viggo Mortenson on the back, against her better judgment, fearing another pregnancy loss. While filming another scene, Watts began to cry because she felt her unborn child moving for the first time. She safely delivered her first child when she was 38 and her second child when she was 40. While pregnancy is less common in perimenopausal women, Watts writes that women in perimenopause can still become pregnant, but pregnancies at this age can be riskier for both the mother and fetus.
Watts explores the connection between women’s identities and their fertility, arguing that much of a woman’s life is dictated by her fertility cycle, and when that cycle stops, it leaves a “hole” in a woman’s life. She shares the experiences of other women, including one who “mourned all the lost years of pleasure she might have had with better education” (24). Watts encourages readers to hold compassion for themselves, suggesting that menopause can bring mental clarity, and, citing a friend, she argues that fertility is more than just pregnancy and birth.
Foreword-Chapter 2 Analysis
In the opening of Dare I Say It, Watts lays the groundwork for her exploration of menopause by blending expert insight with personal experience. The foreword and early chapters serve multiple functions: they establish the book’s credibility, introduce key themes, and challenge cultural silence around menopause. By incorporating expert voices, personal anecdotes, and an urgent, conversational tone, Watts makes an impactful case for a more open and informed dialogue about menopause.
One of Watts’s primary objectives in these early chapters is to illustrate the wide-ranging effects of menopause, immediately introducing the theme of The Physical and Emotional Impacts of Menopause. She does so by listing symptoms in stark detail:
[M]ood changes including depression, anxiety, irritability, and rage; skin changed, including somehow both dryness and oiliness; sleep trouble; hair loss on her head coupled rather cruelly with its growth on her face; vaginal dryness and associated sexual problems; loss of libido; migraines; brain fog; UTIs; GI issues; incontinence, and even ringing in the ears (3).
This exhaustive list serves the rhetorical function of emphasizing the sheer scope of menopausal symptoms, countering the common perception that menopause is limited to hot flashes and mood swings. Watts’s candid discussion of these effects underscores her central message that menopause is a complex, whole-body experience, and dismissing it as a simple hormonal shift is both medically negligent and socially harmful.
Beyond physical symptoms, Watts explores the emotional and psychological toll of menopause, particularly through her own experiences with infertility. She describes the paradox of “entering menopause and motherhood at more or less the same time” (15), highlighting the way menopause intersects with identity and self-worth. Her discussion of infertility grief, coupled with her exploration of societal expectations surrounding fertility, reinforces the idea that menopause is not just a biological process—it is a deeply personal and often emotionally charged transition. Through her vulnerability, she encourages readers to validate their own emotions, positioning the book as both a source of information and a form of collective reassurance.
Watts does not present herself as a medical expert, but rather she takes on the role of a well-informed guide, offering readers both practical knowledge and the reassurance that they are not alone in their struggles, highlighting The Importance of Community and Expert Guidance. She introduces key medical concepts, defining perimenopause, menopause, and hot flashes in clear, accessible terms. Her explanation for hot flashes—“The body’s thermostat gets thrown out of whack by not having the usual amount of estrogen, so it sends signals saying it’s too hot” (5)—serves as an example of how she distills medical knowledge into reader-friendly language. By providing definitions early in the book, Watts ensures that readers, regardless of their prior knowledge, can engage with the material and recognize their own experiences in her descriptions.
Watts also highlights the importance of expert voices, particularly through the inclusion of Dr. Haver’s foreword. By framing Dr. Haver as a trusted medical authority, Watts strengthens her argument that menopause deserves more serious attention in both medical and social discourse. Dr. Haver’s statement that “[b]y being honest about her own and her friends’ experiences in dealing with the shock of menopause, Naomi offers validation to other women and makes them feel less alone” reinforces the idea that collective storytelling can be a powerful tool in breaking stigma (xii), while also highlighting that one’s personal community and the medical community don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
While Watts does touch on medical treatments, including hormone therapy, exploring Taking Control of Menopause Through Information, she also acknowledges the challenges of navigating menopause-related healthcare. She critiques the medical community’s tendency to dismiss women’s symptoms, an issue that stems from both historical neglect and implicit gender biases in medicine. This skepticism toward traditional healthcare reflects a broader cultural trend in which individuals increasingly turn to self-help books, online communities, and alternative medicine due to dissatisfaction with mainstream medical treatment. Watts positions herself within this landscape, offering a mix of expert-backed advice and experiential wisdom.
These chapters also immediately illustrate Watts’s emphasis on community. She challenges the long-standing cultural silence around menopause, asking, “Why do so few people talk about the ending to that odyssey and what comes next” (xii). This rhetorical question invites readers to consider their own lack of knowledge and the broader societal forces that keep menopause a taboo subject. Watts includes stories from other women, broadening the book’s scope beyond her own experience and expert testimony. This narrative strategy creates an atmosphere of solidarity, suggesting that while every woman’s menopausal journey is unique, the struggles are shared. By weaving together expert perspectives and personal testimonies, Watts establishes menopause as both an individual experience and a collective reality—one that is best navigated through shared knowledge and support.
One of the more politically charged aspects of these chapters is Watt’s discussion of aging, particularly within the context of Hollywood and the entertainment industry. She describes the career risks associated with publicly acknowledging menopause, stating, “I’d been warned ever since I started acting that calling attention to your age—when that age was not twenty-three or younger—would be career suicide” (xix). This blunt assessment exposes the intersection of ageism and sexism, particularly in industries that prioritize youth and marketability over lived experience. Watts’s use of the term “unfuckable” to describe how Hollywood views older women is deliberately provocative, forcing readers to confront how women’s social value is often tied to their perceived desirability. With her immediate attention to this issue in these opening chapters, Watts highlights Redefining Aging for Women as one of her purposes in her advocacy work. She frames her decision to speak openly about menopause as an act of defiance. By founding Stripes Beauty and writing Dare I Say It, she challenges the notion that aging should be hidden or apologized for. Instead, she embraces it as a new stage of life that is as worthy of attention and respect as youth. This message aligns with a broader cultural shift in which older women are increasingly reclaiming their narratives and demanding visibility in spaces that have historically marginalized them.
Beyond its thematic significance, this section of Dare I Say It demonstrates Watt’s skill as a writer and communicator. She employs immersive literary techniques, such as inclusive language and rhetorical questions, to draw readers into the conversation. By using “we” instead of “I,” she fosters a sense of collective experience, positioning herself as both a guide and a fellow traveler on the menopausal journey. Her use of irony and sarcasm when discussing the medical neglect of menopause—“Women exaggerate. We’re hysterical. It’s all in your head” (xvii)—further emphasizes the frustration many women feel when their symptoms are dismissed, again drawing attention to the collective nature of the experience.
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