How to Be a Person

Catherine Newman writes a practical guidebook aimed at readers ages 10 to 14, teaching a wide range of life skills organized into seven thematic chapters. The book covers domestic tasks, social etiquette, communication, cooking, clothing care, money management, and miscellaneous practical know-how, all presented with humor, illustrated examples, and pop quizzes.

Newman opens by addressing readers directly, acknowledging that they may not have chosen this book themselves. She reframes tasks commonly dismissed as chores as genuinely rewarding activities, especially when approached with confidence rather than in response to nagging. The guiding principle she establishes is simple: Asking "What can I do to help?" is the surest path to being one's best self. She also includes a note inviting readers with different physical, neurological, or cognitive abilities to share ideas for adapting the book's instructions.

The first chapter, "Other Beings," covers caregiving across a range of relationships. Newman begins by noting that simply being present can make someone feel looked after, but certain situations require more active effort. She advises bringing comfort items to a sick household member, dropping off flowers or a card for a sick friend, and gathering cards from classmates for someone who has been ill for a long time. She encourages visiting hospitalized people and suggests activities for spending time with older people, such as playing games, reading aloud, or performing music. For babies and young children, she advises patience, gentleness, and playing on the child's terms, and she introduces the concept of working as a "parent's helper" as a stepping stone to babysitting. A section on helping someone fall asleep offers strategies including warm milk (which contains tryptophan), chamomile tea, aromatherapy, and keeping the sleep space free of screens. The chapter also addresses pet care, emphasizing schedules and follow-through on unpleasant chores, and houseplant care, where Newman explains that overwatering is more common than underwatering and describes the finger-in-soil test for moisture.

The chapter closes with social skills for visiting and hosting. As a guest, key behaviors include introducing yourself to the host's family, following the household's rules, and thanking everyone when leaving. As a host, Newman advises letting the guest choose activities and putting phones away. She also provides instructions for wrapping presents using either a gift bag or the box-wrapping method.

The second chapter, "Saying It Right," addresses communication skills. Newman provides a formula for writing thank-you notes and covers condolence notes, explaining that their purpose is to acknowledge grief and that they can be brief. She discusses apologizing by taking responsibility and practicing empathy, reaching out to include someone who is alone, and having conversations by asking questions and listening actively. Newman cites a study showing that people tend to underestimate how much their conversation partners enjoy their company. The chapter also covers professional e-mail etiquette, filling out forms, phone calls, and contacting political representatives, a process she encourages regardless of voting age.

"Dirty Things," the third chapter, walks through household cleaning tasks: loading and emptying a dishwasher, hand-washing dishes, wiping surfaces, taking out the trash, sweeping, and vacuuming. A detailed section on cleaning a bathroom covers counters and sink, toilet, and tub or shower. Newman also explains how to plunge a clogged toilet, normalizing the situation and advising against repeated flushing, and how to make a bed, joking that folding a fitted sheet is impossible.

The fourth chapter, "Edible Food," teaches basic cooking. Recipes progress from simple to more involved: smoothies, scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, salad dressing, quesadillas, spaghetti, and a roasted chicken. Newman includes a seasoning troubleshooting guide, walking readers through adding salt for blandness, lemon juice or vinegar for brightness, a touch of sweetener to balance excess tang, and pepper or hot sauce for spice. She teaches how to chop an onion safely and stresses washing hands after handling raw chicken. The chapter also covers setting the table, contrasting a humorous illustration of an elaborate royal place setting with the practical everyday version, and upgrading inexpensive ramen with soy sauce, sesame oil, and toppings like beaten egg and tofu.

"You're Wearing That?," the fifth chapter, covers clothing care. Newman walks through sorting laundry, washing and drying loads, and getting out stains. She defines "halfways" as clothes like jeans and flannel shirts that can be worn more than once before laundering, advising readers to hang them on hooks rather than pile them on a chair. The chapter also teaches folding techniques, tying a necktie using the Four-in-Hand Knot (a standard necktie knot), sewing on a button, patching jeans with a running stitch (a simple in-and-out sewing technique), and packing for a trip.

The sixth chapter, "Your Two Cents," addresses money. Newman outlines ways to earn money by selling homemade goods or offering services such as babysitting and tutoring. She highlights volunteering as releasing dopamine and boosting the immune system. Her core money-management framework divides income into three jars: Give, Save, and Spend. The Spend jar can be further divided into labeled envelopes for specific categories, effectively creating a budget. She encourages making charitable giving a lifelong habit, citing neuroscience research from the National Institutes of Health showing that generosity activates the brain's pleasure and reward centers. Saving options range from a simple jar to a bank account to interest-earning investments; Newman explains interest with a straightforward example of 2 percent on $100 yielding $2 at year's end. She advises spending wisely by reducing waste, resisting impulse buys (what she calls "an attack of the wanties"), and viewing purchases as investments in particular companies and practices. The chapter also distinguishes debit cards, which draw from one's own money, from credit cards, which involve borrowing, and explains how to calculate a standard 20 percent tip, emphasizing that service workers depend on tips for a living wage.

The final chapter, "Useful Skills," gathers miscellaneous practical knowledge. Newman teaches four knot-tying techniques, including the square knot for joining two rope ends and the clove hitch for securing a rope to a pole. She provides instructions for building a fire: checking for fire bans, arranging kindling (small sticks) in an upside-down cone shape, piling tinder (easily lit material such as paper or dry needles) at the center, leaning larger firewood against the cone, lighting the tinder, and extinguishing the fire thoroughly with water. Additional skills include changing batteries, tightening screws by identifying flat-head screws (which have a straight slot) versus Phillips-head screws (which have an X-shaped slot) and using the mnemonic "Righty Tighty/Lefty Loosey," using a Swiss Army knife safely, and reading a road map, including topographic maps where closer contour lines indicate steeper terrain.

The book closes with a section titled "How to Be Happy," which synthesizes the values running through the entire guide. Newman advises eating nourishing food, sleeping enough, spending time outdoors, practicing daily gratitude, being generous, doing meaningful physical work with one's hands, reducing phone and social media use, avoiding dwelling on mistakes, and fighting injustice by standing up for bullied or lonely kids and contacting political representatives.