I Wish You All the Best (I Wish You All the Best, #1)

On a night during Christmas break, 18-year-old Ben De Backer sits at dinner with their parents, barely able to eat. For weeks, Ben has been planning to reveal something enormous, coached by Mariam, a nonbinary Muslim YouTuber in California who became Ben's closest friend online. After the family watches a movie together, Ben speaks three rehearsed words: "I am nonbinary," meaning Ben does not identify as male or female and uses they/them pronouns. Ben's father dismisses it as a joke, then demands Ben take it back, then orders Ben out of the house. Their mother clutches her cross necklace and says, "God doesn't want this for you, Ben" (11).

Standing barefoot in freezing temperatures on New Year's Eve, Ben calls collect from a pay phone to Hannah, an older sister they have not spoken to in a decade. Hannah left the family years earlier, leaving behind only a note with her phone number. She drives an hour from Raleigh and picks Ben up from a nearby Walgreens. At Hannah's house, Ben meets the guest room that will become their new bedroom and spends the night watching television reruns, unable to sleep.

The next morning, Ben comes out to Hannah as nonbinary. Hannah asks for pronouns, promises to learn, and offers to explain everything to her husband, Thomas, a chemistry teacher at North Wake High School. Thomas arranges Ben's enrollment, and the school assigns Nathan Allan, a tall, friendly senior with dark brown skin and freckles, as Ben's guide. Before entering the building, Ben tells Thomas not to reveal their nonbinary identity, choosing to be misgendered rather than come out in an unfamiliar place. Nathan shows Ben the school, including the art room of Mrs. Liu, a teacher who recognizes Ben's talent and gives them a key to the room.

Ben eats alone in the outdoor quad, a pattern from their old school. Hannah buys Ben a new phone in exchange for attending one session with Dr. Bridgette Taylor, a psychiatrist specializing in queer youth. Before the appointment, Hannah coaches Ben to repeat "I'm nonbinary" aloud until the words lose their power. In the session, Dr. Taylor responds calmly, asks for pronouns, and gives Ben a pamphlet for a local support group called Project Safe Space, which Ben pockets with no intention of attending.

One Friday night, home alone, Ben notices an unfamiliar car in the driveway resembling their father's. Someone knocks. Ben locks themselves in their bedroom, unable to breathe or speak, experiencing what Dr. Taylor later confirms is a panic attack. In follow-up sessions, Dr. Taylor identifies anxiety as Ben's primary condition, with depression contributing, and prescribes medication.

Thomas encourages Ben to give Nathan a chance as a friend. Slowly, Ben opens up. Nathan introduces Ben to his friends Meleika Lewis and Sophie Yeun, a Korean American classmate, who welcome Ben with ease. Ben agrees to tutor Nathan in algebra, and during a session at Nathan's house, secretly sketches Nathan while he works. When Nathan discovers the drawing, he is awed rather than upset. They begin texting regularly and discover they live two houses apart.

At a classmate's party, an aggressive encounter and the overwhelming crowd trigger another panic attack. Nathan pulls Ben out and drives them to his house. On the roof outside Nathan's bedroom window, set up with blankets as his quiet place, Nathan takes Ben's hand under the stars. Ben confides that their parents kicked them out without revealing the reason. Ben recognizes their feelings as a crush but decides that being closeted makes a relationship impossible.

As weeks pass, they grow closer. Nathan takes Ben to an outdoor screening of Star Wars at Pullen Park, and afterward, at a nearby pond, holds Ben's hand and says, "I wish you all the best, Benjamin De Backer" (207). On a shopping trip with Hannah, Ben stares at nail polish at the checkout; Hannah encourages them to pick a color. Ben chooses light pink, and Hannah paints their nails at home, sparking their most open conversation about sexuality, labels, and being nonbinary. Inspired by Mrs. Liu's advice to paint something personal, Ben begins a portrait of Nathan in shades of yellow, a color Ben associates with Nathan's warmth.

While unable to sleep one night, Ben discovers a months-old Facebook message from their mother, apologizing and asking to meet but requesting that Ben not tell Hannah. Ben discusses the message with Dr. Taylor, who is cautious but leaves the decision to Ben. Honoring the request for secrecy, Ben asks Nathan to come along to a restaurant where Ben meets their parents. The meeting goes poorly: Ben's parents claim to have seen a counselor and want Ben home after graduation, but their father jokes about misgendering, revealing they have not changed.

Mrs. Liu invites Ben to participate in a student art show, and Ben agrees, displaying several paintings including Nathan's portrait. On the night of the show, Ben's parents arrive uninvited, having found the event on the school website. Hannah spots them and confronts them in the lobby. Their father claims Ben agreed to come home, which Ben denies. The argument escalates, their father nearly raises his hand toward Hannah, and Ben breaks down in front of the crowd. Nathan drives Ben to his house and stays until Ben falls asleep.

Ben spirals into a depressive episode, stops taking medication, and misses a week of school. At an emergency therapy session with Hannah present, the secret meeting comes to light. Ben erupts, expressing 10 years of resentment for being left behind as a child with controlling parents. Hannah acknowledges she failed Ben. After the session, she privately reveals why she left: A pregnancy scare led their mother to break a confidence and tell their father, who struck Hannah. Ben and Hannah hold each other, reaching a fragile but genuine reconciliation.

Mariam visits Raleigh on a speaking tour, meeting Ben in person for the first time. Mariam encourages Ben to tell Nathan the truth, arguing that Nathan deserves the chance to decide for himself. After reconnecting with friends at senior night, Ben texts Nathan to meet near the community center. Sitting in the car, Ben comes out as nonbinary. Nathan cries, apologizing for months of unknowing misgendering, and promises to learn. They attend Mariam's support group talk together.

On prom night, Nathan leads Ben to the roof, set up with blankets and pillows. Rather than attend the dance, he chooses to be with Ben. Nathan confesses he has liked Ben for months; Ben confesses the same. They share a first kiss and settle on the term "my person" rather than boyfriend or girlfriend, acknowledging that Nathan's departure for UCLA in August will be difficult but agreeing their time together is worth it.

In an epilogue set three months later, Ben has joined Mariam's collaborative project, a platform to help queer youth, and is preparing to move to California. Over the summer, Ben came out to Sophie and Meleika, who were supportive, and Nathan came out to his parents as bisexual. Ben attends the support group regularly and wears nail polish openly. On a final beach trip, Ben worries about leaving Hannah, but Nathan reassures them that this departure is nothing like Hannah's. Nathan says, "I wish you all the best," and Ben replies, "I love you too," understanding the phrase as their shared shorthand for love.