The idea of “family” is central to Queen Esther, with the narrative expanding the conventional understanding of the term. The text depicts both biological families and adoptive and voluntary associations, examining chosen family versus inherited family bonds.  

The Winslows define family as a mixture of chosen and inherited bonds: Each of their biological daughters is accompanied by a “chosen” daughter, an au pair who is a ward of the state. Though the young women are technically nannies, the Winslows have familial expectations for them, such as the hope that they will do well in college. Even the vocabulary the Winslows uses is familial: Connie tells the townsfolk that the young girls get an “allowance,” not a salary. Further, the expansion of the Winslows’ inherited bonds—the growing clans of their older daughters—is accompanied by the growth of their chosen network in the form of the Rosenthals, the Beaudettes, and the Druckers. Therefore, the narrative establishes that family branches along multiple, and sometimes unexpected, directions.

Aligned with Thomas and Connie’s values, the novel suggests that the whole world can be one’s family. Even as Jimmy longs for closer ties with his biological mother, Esther, he forges a new family in Jolanda, Mieke, Claude, and Chantal. Similarly, Esther finds a family with her new homeland of Israel, while the German Siegfried ends up finding a mother in the Jewish Annelies. The fact that Siegfried, whose biological mother Irmgard is biased against Jewish people, joins the IDF, shows the complex interplay between inherited and chosen ties, biology and nurture. In a moment of unintended humor, a nurse at St. Cloud’s remarks that Esther got her agnosticism from Dr. Larch, since “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” (57). The saying is usually meant to emphasize the inherited resemblance between parents and children, so Esther “inheriting” Dr. Larch’s agnosticism shows that nurture can be as powerful as nature.

Chosen family bonds are so important in the novel that characters often make great sacrifices for their chosen family, such as Esther’s decision to bear a child for Honor, and Mieke’s choice of having a baby for Jimmy. Both Esther and Mieke go through the physically taxing process of pregnancy and childbirth, and “give up” their biological offspring for their chosen family members, subverting traditional definitions of familial sacrifice. Further, chosen families give characters a chance to build the family unit in their image, rather than stick to a stale pattern. Thus, Jimmy finds peace in the “unusual” family unit he has with Mieke and Jolanda, often talking about his “Dutch wife [who] has a lesbian partner” (371), describing the two as a “happy couple” (371).

While inherited family in the text is important as well—as signified by the love between the Winslows and their biological children, and Esther’s sacrifices for Jimmy—it is thus chosen family that allows the characters the luxury of reimagining their future.